I wouldn't say I am a 'Little Monster,' but I have been a fan of Lady Gaga for a few years now...simply because she is AWESOME! What a talent!
I heard her interview and performance on Howard Stern yesterday. Just her pipes and a Steinway. Breathtaking! She performed two new songs off of "Artpop." But one song stood out and it nearly made my eyes well.
It's called "Dope." I may not recall the verbatim meaning she explained but she is saying to friends/fans/loved ones that she loves them and apologies to them for loving 'dope' more for a period of time where she had to shut-off. "I need you more than dope."
I struggle with bi-polar disorder and I have been mostly smoking weed for the better part of 21 years now (Drs justified my smoking as being consistent with dealing wit hthe bi-polar). Prior to hearing Gaga on Stern, I was on my way to seeing my counselor and I was saying to myself....weed definitely has more cons than pros for me. I am pushing 40 years old. I could have been a star. I can light up a room. When I smoke, I withdraw, I munch, I get fat, sometimes paranoid, lowered self-esteem. I missed many opportunities. I am forever single it seems, a lot I blame on being high because there were so many times I was too scared to pursue something I wanted because I was too fucked up and I kept second guessing myself. So, I told the counselor that I have to man up, look at myself in the mirror and realize that 'dope' has not always been the best friend that I thought it was. Then, once I got home, I put on Stern and heard this piece by Gaga. I was already halfway into a bole at the time, so I looked at the bole and said that I better enjoy it because I am putting it away for awhile. It was another epiphany. I have had a few of late. This one is the final piece of the puzzle. Something exciting awaits.
It's off, it's on
The party's just begun
I promise this
This drink is my last one
I know that I fucked up again
Because I lost my only friend
God forgive my sins
Don't leave me, I
Oh I will hate myself until I die
[Chorus]
My heart would break without you
Might not awake without you
Been hurting low, from living high for so long
I'm sorry, and I love you
Sing with me, "Bell Bottom Blue"
I'll keep searching for an answer cause I need you more than dope
[Post-Chorus]
I need you more than dope
Need you more than dope
Need you more than dope
I need you more than dope
[Verse 2]
Toast one last puff
And two last regrets
Three spirits and
Twelve lonely steps
Up heaven's stairway to gold
Mine myself like coal
A mountain of a soul
Each day, I cry
Oh, I feel so low from living high
[Chorus]
My heart would break without you
Might not awake without you
Been hurting low, from living high for so long
I'm sorry, and I love you
Sing with me, "Bell Bottom Blue"
I'll keep searching for an answer cause I need you more than dope
[Post-Chorus]
I need you more than dope
Need you more than dope
Need you more than dope
I need you more than dope
I need you more
Need you more
I need you more than dope
I need "her." She will mean more to me than the 'dope' ever did. She will give a shit about me. Something the dope can't do. I have a lot to give. She's out there and she deserves all of me. We will be a formidable team. We will rule the universe. We will create music and magic.
I am not sure I can go cold turkey. There is something like getting a little high before jamming with your bands. But, do I really need to be high every second I am not at work?
To be continued....
