ajalla

6 years ago I went through an abusive relationship, where I stopped being who I was to please someone. I was always very vain, since I dreamed of becoming an artist, dancer or photographic model, the world of arts has always fascinated me. I loved to produce myself and take pictures but my ex boyfriend hated it, he said that I wanted to pester myself to other people, that I wanted other people's approval, that I wanted other people's compliments that his were not enough for me. Even though I knew that none of what he said was true, I stopped everything because I liked him and wanted to avoid fighting, yes, I made a big mistake! This relationship lasted a troubled 3 years, until today I do not understand how I could be with someone who mistreated me so much that even today I suffer psychological reflexes from this abusive relationship. But ok, that pain became learning! Moving on! After I finished I suffered a lot, it took a long time for me to compose myself, I didn't recognize myself anymore, I stopped and looked around me and I had moved away from all my friends, I moved away from myself. Gradually I recovered, picking up the pieces and putting them back in place.

Even though I was vain I didn't think I was sexy and I was admiring sensual and empowered women with attitude and wondering why I wasn't like that either. One fine day I was looking at lingerie stores on Instagram and found a store that produced lingerie and costumes for pole dance and burlesque performances. I didn't know what burlesque was and I went to research, I fell in love! I found all that glamor, interpretation, sensuality and beauty and I thought: I want this for myself! I found a dance studio called Velvet Pole & Tease that is in Porto Alegre Rio Grande do Sul, Brazil, city where I lived a few years after moving from the countryside. This studio offered burlesque dance classes, I contacted the studio and the teacher invited me to an event where several sensual dance presentations were going to happen. We met and it was amazing! Lou Ann (her stage name) is a sensational woman who encouraged me a lot to start classes and when I said I wanted a lot but didn't think I was sexy she answered: Every woman has her sensual and seductive side, in her own way, in its particularity and yours is stored in there and we will put it out! My eyes lit up and the following week I started classes, I took a few months of burlesque dance classes because I had to move to another city again, but all I learned from this woman and the other fucking women who frequented that dance studio was something surreal. I recovered my self-esteem, my sensuality, deconstructed views about sexuality, fetishes, feminism, union between women, the role of women in society, freedom, among other things that changed me forever and I just fed all this and until today. These women helped me so much that they have no idea how much! After this experience, as I said, I was feeding more and more this world in which I discovered that I could also be part of it, I got deeper and deeper and in the middle of all this I met SG and knew at the same time what I wanted for the my life and today I am here. I like to share experiences, thoughts and other things here with you in the hope that you will get to know me a little better. Hope you like it!

xoxo 💕

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@missy @rambo @jacqueline