aisuryuu

I have begun to wonder what it would be like to be a psychologist of late. I have been curious as to how my deteriorating mental state would seem to a shrink. Am i losing sanity? no i think i am slipping more and more towards apathy. Whether it comes complete lack of anything to care about or believe in, i find myself not only questioning myself but himanity in general.
I wonder if the stuggle for every day survival is worth it, if i am only to repeat the process again the very next day. Is the life really as futile as i seem to picture it, or is there something greater. The thought of people putting there faith in some higher source seems entirely foolish to the logical sense of my mined. If there is some greater all knowing and all loving being, where has he/she been in all the stryfe that has plagued me of late. I think love in itself is nothing to strive for either due to the fact, in my opinion humans are much to selfish to ever truely love anyone but themselves.
And loving oneself, at least for me, seems to be impossible. I am without a doubt a wretched creature. I lack effiecncy, and drive. The need to eat and sleep take time, and emotions kill my ability to want to strive for anything greater. It is hard to form a goal in ones life without having any means to get there. I wonder if completely cutting oneself off from human contact, forgoing sleep and food would bring your conciousness to a greater level. How many human deficiencies are caused from our over indulgence and lack of self control?
Well i do feel better pointing that into writing, thanx for reading all of that if u took the time . And sorry if it mad no sense, and was an incoherent jumble of words lol. neway ttyl Take care, and have a great weekend.

Ryuu