aisai

Life is so fucking awesome right now. Ended last year w/ a vacation, started this one off w/ another vacation. Everything is right between me and Danna. The kids went back to school today, after being on break for the last 5 weeks. I am busier than ever w/ work. Almost too busy. I am tired as hell (this is a good thing). And I have been working on the art for my tattoo all night.

I can't wait to get it started. I think about it all the time and the meaning behind it all.

So this weekend, I put my self in the hospital. Not intentionally. I have tmj and I dislocated my jaw. I looked like the grim reaper from Scarry Movie. (You can stop laughing now) It has locked open before but only for a few seconds at a time. This time it was stuck open for 1 hour! I cried like a baby. Danna had to drive me to the emer. room while I held a washcloth in my mouth to keep from drooling on my self. I get the creeps just thinking about it. Uhhhh! So just before the doctor came in to take a look at it, my lower mandible slipped back into place. The doctor could not believe it. None the less, he wants me to go and see and orthopedic surgeon. He is afraid that the next time I yawn it will happen again. Even though I am so very tired, I am trying to yawn w/ my mouth closed or through my nose. Not easy, let me tell you. If I do yawn w/ my mouth open, my right cheek hurts like hell. All Sat. night and Sunday, my entire head hurt even behind my ears. And going to Vail on Sunday my ears popped like crazy.

Danna is so sweet. He felt so bad for me, he said he just wanted to take the pain away from me. I just felt so bad that he had to see it, even though I was the one going through the pain. He keeps checking on me to make sure that I am ok and that I am not still hurting. He wants me to get it fixed right away. He is so afraid that I will be alone the next time it happens or be driving and freak out. I know I need to get it checked on. Hell, this has been going on since high school and now it is getting worse.

To be honest that was the worse pain I have ever been in.

Today, I saw the coolest baglady. She reminded my of Joan Jett. You could tell she had not been homeless for long. But that she was getting the hang of it. She had all her possessions in a shopping cart and was pushing it down Broadway. She had on this really nice black trench coat. Her hair was short and spiked out. And she had two bandana's tied around her head. She was smoking a cigarette as she walked down the street and she was just taking in the sights and enjoying her smoke. She did not seem to have a care in the world. She was cool. I wish I had my camera w/ me when I saw her.

Then just down the road there was another homeless lady. She was not cool or enjoying her self. She was crying and looked as if she had just been robbed or beaten. I felt for her, but at the same time wondered if this is how she always lived her life and if these types of decisions are what lead to her living on the street begging for money.

One woman seemed happy to be where she was, and the other unhappy. One saw the beauty in the day, while the other saw only the misery of the moment. And yet they are both sharing the same existance. Go figure?


Sorry, I have not responded to anybody lately. I will, just not right now cause I am going to go to lay my little head down before I hurt it again.

Peace.