the past two days i have done many things to fill the minutes to distract from addiction.
i have slept in. i have eaten porridge for breakfast (!). I've gone down to the frozen lake to watch ice skating, drank hot chocolate with my sister & family afterwards, hung around her house playing guitar hero. see, crashing the platform houses. i love how these games need your full attention, and there is no room for thought or desire at all as you concentrate on hand-eye co-ordination. blank mind, almost like meditation. like exercise, at least.
i've gone for a long walk with the digital canon slr, and loved the noise of its clicking as i took hundreds of pictures of trees and snow at dusk. hundreds. i practised framing, and got some shots i really like. it's hard to appreciate them fully amongst the others, but once isolated their full beauty is more apparent.
i spent the $100 my grandmother gave me for 'doing something fun in sweden' on buying whatever i wanted at the supermarket. this doesn't sound so exciting, but if money is quite tight at the moment, and i whenever we go foodshopping i feel bad for buying pretty much anything unnecessary. and almost no food is necessary. so i bought avocados, a pomegranate, coke, corn chips, gf biscuits, ice-cream, gummy bears & a big shoujo manga nakayoshi (<3).
had dinner with my brother & we made ice-cream sundaes afterwards. watched something's gotta give, which is surprisingly good. nothing about it is cliched. burnt three hundred calories watching that, doing something unspeakable. made guacamole and stayed up until 5am with the godfather. don corleone i am honoured and grateful that you have invited me to your daughter's wedding [pause] on the wedding day of your daughter's wedding [pause]. and i hope that their first child is a masculine child.
had dinner with my sister. prawns dipped in saffron aioli. a sea of potatoes & barbecued roast beef, for some reason. it was kind of awful. but i think it made sitting around the candlelit table afterwards become more, somehow.
worked on character sketches for my manga/comic. storyboarded. that seems funny in this process, considering the finished piece IS a storyboard.
sex. got lots of head. i love that boys want to have sex all the time. it's just somehow delightful, like knowing there is always food in the fridge.
still, addiction has its metal claws well embedded. i cannot trust anything i am thinking, it's just trying to lead me back. it's just trying to justify itself and trick me, hourly it throws everything back at me saying it is all pointless/meaingless/worthless and it is the only thing that will make me feel better briefly.
question: does this perspective work?
is the legs-closer-to-the-camera-and-thus-looking-as-big-as-head, okay?
thoughts, comments, letters to the editor welcome. (it's not camwhoring if you put it last)
question: should i have brushed my hair before this photo?
answer: hell no
i have slept in. i have eaten porridge for breakfast (!). I've gone down to the frozen lake to watch ice skating, drank hot chocolate with my sister & family afterwards, hung around her house playing guitar hero. see, crashing the platform houses. i love how these games need your full attention, and there is no room for thought or desire at all as you concentrate on hand-eye co-ordination. blank mind, almost like meditation. like exercise, at least.
i've gone for a long walk with the digital canon slr, and loved the noise of its clicking as i took hundreds of pictures of trees and snow at dusk. hundreds. i practised framing, and got some shots i really like. it's hard to appreciate them fully amongst the others, but once isolated their full beauty is more apparent.
i spent the $100 my grandmother gave me for 'doing something fun in sweden' on buying whatever i wanted at the supermarket. this doesn't sound so exciting, but if money is quite tight at the moment, and i whenever we go foodshopping i feel bad for buying pretty much anything unnecessary. and almost no food is necessary. so i bought avocados, a pomegranate, coke, corn chips, gf biscuits, ice-cream, gummy bears & a big shoujo manga nakayoshi (<3).
had dinner with my brother & we made ice-cream sundaes afterwards. watched something's gotta give, which is surprisingly good. nothing about it is cliched. burnt three hundred calories watching that, doing something unspeakable. made guacamole and stayed up until 5am with the godfather. don corleone i am honoured and grateful that you have invited me to your daughter's wedding [pause] on the wedding day of your daughter's wedding [pause]. and i hope that their first child is a masculine child.
had dinner with my sister. prawns dipped in saffron aioli. a sea of potatoes & barbecued roast beef, for some reason. it was kind of awful. but i think it made sitting around the candlelit table afterwards become more, somehow.
worked on character sketches for my manga/comic. storyboarded. that seems funny in this process, considering the finished piece IS a storyboard.
sex. got lots of head. i love that boys want to have sex all the time. it's just somehow delightful, like knowing there is always food in the fridge.
still, addiction has its metal claws well embedded. i cannot trust anything i am thinking, it's just trying to lead me back. it's just trying to justify itself and trick me, hourly it throws everything back at me saying it is all pointless/meaingless/worthless and it is the only thing that will make me feel better briefly.
question: does this perspective work?
is the legs-closer-to-the-camera-and-thus-looking-as-big-as-head, okay?
thoughts, comments, letters to the editor welcome. (it's not camwhoring if you put it last)
question: should i have brushed my hair before this photo?
answer: hell no
So, I moved to the country.
We have hedgerows (at least thats what we call them) in Michigan although they are not quite as dense as the ones I remember from my time in Europe. They are really just rows of brush, trees, and shrubs that mark out the borders between fields. There are a ton of old farms in the western part of the state that are plotted out that way. The department of natural resources actually encourages farmers to plant and maintain hedgerows because they are a dwindling habitat for game birds i.e. pheasant. Larger commercial farms buy the old ones, clear cut, burn, plant corn or soybeans, and thats that. Or land developers build a subdivision. What I watched the other night was quite literally change taking place. Definitely sad, but something to witness either way.
Pheasants, I'm told, used to be all over the place here. Now they are pretty much just raised on game reserves.
I think aphorisms are a little more graceful in fortune cookie format, otherwise simple truths are so easily discarded. The cookie makes you smile and accept. Everybody likes cookies. I guess I'm just a simple man.
I think the angle in your picture works just fine, but I like the one of you outside better. I love the way people look when they are all bundled up. You're right about your hair.
What were you doing in Japan aside from bird watching?
Some mornings in the summer there is a red tailed hawk that sits on the roof outside my bedroom window.
My friend Brett just seems to have his shit together I think. He pursues the things he wants with a fuck all attitude, but manages to make other people happy in the process. He is a loyal friend, and people love to be around him. He spits in the face of any and all social awkwardness. People come to his parties. He has a beautiful girlfriend, and is the only person I know that seems truly happy in a long term relationship. I'm proud of my friend, but envious at the same time. I could not live the life he leads. It's just not me, and that's cool too.
This is long, I know. Hopefully, it serves as a distraction at the very least. I'm enjoying having you as a pen pal.