aikaterine

I need advice.

I am thinking of just packing up and going to Ireland to see Brian over break in March. I'm even considering not going to the newspaper conference in Minneapolis at the beginning of break so I'd get to spend more than two days there. That, however, would be job suicide; if I submit something at the conference I'll probably get at least an honorable mention and the paper gets recognition.

So I guess summer would be the next option. That's probably the smarter thing to do. I just want to know now if things are the same between us. Everytime I see someone with red, Irish-looking hair and a subtle accent I turn around.

I got an e-mail from him the other day just catching me up on his school work and telling me he read my latest column and liked it. "You're getting very professional."

Whenever I go - should I tell him I'm coming? I almost don't want to. I kind of want it to be a surprise. "Holy shit I haven't seen you in two years and here you are standing on my doorstep in a foreign country" kind of surprise. And if things don't work out I can always go to England visit the cool folks I know there.

I can see myself regretting this for a long time if I never do anything about it - but things didn't end so poorly between us and we still talk on a semi-weekly basis. Maybe I don't want to go there and learn we were really never meant to be. Or maybe I do want that. Eh. What the fuck do I know.

I hate this kind of love. First love. Nauseating, I-can-never-forget-about-you kind of love.