I seem to have developed insomnia again, so I thought maybe writing would help. I just went out to a bar with a couple friends for like an hour, had two martinis, and now I'm home again. I'm making attempts to be social, but eh, I feel better being at home. I spend most of my time alone, but that's okay. I don't mind it really. Gives me time to figure out how to piece together all the little things wrong in my life, only it makes it hard to ignore the fact that I'm probably always going to be single. It never used to bother me, but I guess I've always had such bad luck with relationships, that I enjoyed being single so much more. It only bothers me now because my last one was pretty much everything I could ask for, but alas, that's over now, so I suppose I should try and teach myself to enjoy the single life again. I just need to figure out how to be attractive at 28. Eh, it was easier when I was younger. Everyone at the bar is barely 21, and I'm just that awkward almost-30 dude sitting alone at the end of the bar sipping red wine. Kinda creepy, I imagine. Oh well, I always have young white pussy at home. And by "pussy" I mean "cat". Yes, I'm single, I live alone, and I have a cat.
I'm not normally so negative. In person you wouldn't think I even had any negativity, but sometimes I just have a lot on my mind and need to get it out, so I choose this blog because nobody I know really reads it. I don't like announcing my thoughts to everyone I know, so the few of you who actually read this get to hear it. Muahahaha!
So, last weekend I hung out with a couple people I hadn't seen in about a year and a half. One being an ex, and the other being the guy she left me for. Don't worry, I put that behind me a long time ago, so I figured, eh, why not? One of their friends threw a party, so we hung out there, and she got really drunk (like she always fucking is), and wanted me to hang out with her on the back porch while she smoked. So we were sitting on the step just talking, and then she tried to kiss me. I pushed her off, because well for one, the guy she is ENGAGED to is inside at the party, and well, I got over her a long time ago. I know where that road leads, and it looks pretty dirty. Anyway, she continued to keep trying to kiss me, and I got irritated and still kept pushing her off while reminding her that she has a boyfriend, and he is inside, quite possibly looking out the window. She turned around to look, and sure enough, he was watching the whole time, then opened the door, called her a cunt, and went back inside. She sat there for a minute, so I told her that she should probably go inside and talk to him. After they talked for a bit, I pulled him outside to try and calm him down, and he told me not to worry, that he saw me pushing her off the whole time and I was awesome, but the fact that she was trying had him pissed. Understandable. He then began to rant about how she had cheated on him before. No surprise. I dated her and had many suspicions of my own about her the whole time, which he then confirmed for me. He said not only was she fucking him while we were together, but she also fucked this guy in Texas when she ran off with him during our relationship. I'm not dumb. It was all pretty fucking obvious. It was just actually kind of relieving to hear somebody tell me. I was always pretty sure about my suspicions, but now I have confirmation. Anyway, the party continued, but things were awkward and I was tired, so I passed out in the spare room. I left the next day, came home, and haven't really heard much from them, but today, according to the almighty facebook, they are single, so I'm guessing things didn't work out. I guess I kinda had something to do with that, and I'm trying to feel bad about it, but I really don't. Nothing happened with she and I, but I think the fact that she was trying made him realize that he couldn't trust her, so I'm guessing he must have broken up with her. I don't blame him. I sure as hell wouldn't trust her. She was always a great friend, but terrible girlfriend.
Yeah, those are the girls I usually end up with, which is why I usually hate relationships. After her though, I became so much more particular about girls. I put together sort of a mental list of qualities that I decided to be definite requirements of anyone I date from then on. It's a pretty long list. Almost unreasonable. I never expected to ever meet anyone who would fit those requirements, but strangely enough, it happened a few months later, which is the one who left a few weeks ago. That is why I'm having such a hard time getting over this one. I probably never really will completely, but surely I'll attempt to move on eventually. It is getting pretty lonely around here after all, and sex seems to be the only cure for my insomnia. I don't think I'm going to get a good night's sleep for quite a long time. May as well get used to it.
I'm not normally so negative. In person you wouldn't think I even had any negativity, but sometimes I just have a lot on my mind and need to get it out, so I choose this blog because nobody I know really reads it. I don't like announcing my thoughts to everyone I know, so the few of you who actually read this get to hear it. Muahahaha!
So, last weekend I hung out with a couple people I hadn't seen in about a year and a half. One being an ex, and the other being the guy she left me for. Don't worry, I put that behind me a long time ago, so I figured, eh, why not? One of their friends threw a party, so we hung out there, and she got really drunk (like she always fucking is), and wanted me to hang out with her on the back porch while she smoked. So we were sitting on the step just talking, and then she tried to kiss me. I pushed her off, because well for one, the guy she is ENGAGED to is inside at the party, and well, I got over her a long time ago. I know where that road leads, and it looks pretty dirty. Anyway, she continued to keep trying to kiss me, and I got irritated and still kept pushing her off while reminding her that she has a boyfriend, and he is inside, quite possibly looking out the window. She turned around to look, and sure enough, he was watching the whole time, then opened the door, called her a cunt, and went back inside. She sat there for a minute, so I told her that she should probably go inside and talk to him. After they talked for a bit, I pulled him outside to try and calm him down, and he told me not to worry, that he saw me pushing her off the whole time and I was awesome, but the fact that she was trying had him pissed. Understandable. He then began to rant about how she had cheated on him before. No surprise. I dated her and had many suspicions of my own about her the whole time, which he then confirmed for me. He said not only was she fucking him while we were together, but she also fucked this guy in Texas when she ran off with him during our relationship. I'm not dumb. It was all pretty fucking obvious. It was just actually kind of relieving to hear somebody tell me. I was always pretty sure about my suspicions, but now I have confirmation. Anyway, the party continued, but things were awkward and I was tired, so I passed out in the spare room. I left the next day, came home, and haven't really heard much from them, but today, according to the almighty facebook, they are single, so I'm guessing things didn't work out. I guess I kinda had something to do with that, and I'm trying to feel bad about it, but I really don't. Nothing happened with she and I, but I think the fact that she was trying made him realize that he couldn't trust her, so I'm guessing he must have broken up with her. I don't blame him. I sure as hell wouldn't trust her. She was always a great friend, but terrible girlfriend.
Yeah, those are the girls I usually end up with, which is why I usually hate relationships. After her though, I became so much more particular about girls. I put together sort of a mental list of qualities that I decided to be definite requirements of anyone I date from then on. It's a pretty long list. Almost unreasonable. I never expected to ever meet anyone who would fit those requirements, but strangely enough, it happened a few months later, which is the one who left a few weeks ago. That is why I'm having such a hard time getting over this one. I probably never really will completely, but surely I'll attempt to move on eventually. It is getting pretty lonely around here after all, and sex seems to be the only cure for my insomnia. I don't think I'm going to get a good night's sleep for quite a long time. May as well get used to it.
boozeandviolence:
insomniacs of the world - unite !