aguilar

wow. i was just kind of wrapping my mind around the idea that i am just not saying anything these days. i mean, i do talk, but nothing really comes out. the fluid, without the baby.

eww.

anyway, i think it is largely a dignity thing, you know? like if you can't pull it together on your own, then why engage (gosh...) whomever with it? well, because it gets really isolating.

everything is really shiny right now, but i actually feel lonesome.

i have a cool job, and some nice clothes, and a nice car, great dog, cutest baby boy, brilliant house (all to myself), and what have you, but of course this is mostly just stuff, and that which isn't is great, but not wholly sustaining.

the reality is that i work 12 hours a day, and have a son to look after... it's really in poor taste to hang out with the people i work with, as i'm their boss. i don't want to entertain the imaginary power dynamic, nor spend time wowing them with the fact that i am not really the straight laced person they imagine me to be.

"you have tattoos?!"

and it's just so very predictable! it's like if your name is interesting, but you always find yourself explaining it & that gets really old.








okay, now i feel so dreadfully embarrassed. prattling on with my negative (albeit temporary) little rant. i'm going to go now.



collin