agonistes_vental

A big secret that only around 3 people know is that I long ache to sacrifice my own life to protect another.Since I was a small child before I allow myself to fall into sleep I think of some situation to where someone is in need,people I know and haven't met yet come to place as victims of that cruelty of mankind,disasters,and war.The sitiations plague my eyes until I close them to actually live it all,the sounds the feelings,the voices,and hurt,I always feel everything.To see myself going into the arms of sorrow,into the voice of death and destruction,feelign m flesh burn,my sweat,my hurt as I go to save someone in need.It may be sick to some to hear thaqt someone wants to be hurt in the act of saving someone.I find it flattering,and honored because to me since I have known the pains of life in many ways,I know the effects it can bring to later life,I refuse that to anyone,It's the only way I can go to sleep at night,and as every night comes to me I go into the same order,to close my eyes and be thrown into a scene of these things,and in the last act of care,I sacrifice my own life and spirit to protect those I have come to rescue.To take the blade,bullet,falling building,I in every ending end up dying to save who ever the victim/victims are.I guess it's a way to remind myself that I still care,and as these events play on I weep,because as it may hurt within,I am happy to do so to save others.It reminds me that I am still human.
I cannot handle the harsh opressions my family holds against me,it's sad to actually say that I am not allowed to be myself as I am in front of them,due to they're harsh words,they're rejection and cruelty,I cannot speak my mind on anything I am passionate about without getting some unkind speech on how I am wrong,and stupid,so instead of dealing with these events I have learned to be quiet around them,they know as slow,limbering around them,goofy,and dumb,sad I have to show that so they will leavem e be,sad that the only ones who know me well is my own nieces,Jade 8,Brooke 6, Lexi 6.Sad that children know who I am and thats why they are close to me.Though I may be adopted and not of they're blood they hold me close to heart.They know Uncle Corey will give them the world,I show them teach them everytime they are here of the beaquty of earth,the small bugs and animals,I tell them of the trees and grasses ,and tel lthem that it is always important to speak what you feel.They are my light in my family.Sad they are the only ones who care enough to know me.They know I am different not like others,they accept me,a shame that I hurt so much at the hands of the ones who say they love me,if it wasn't for my nieces and nephew I wouldn't be here,they made me promise that I would never leave them alone in this world,to promise that I would not commit suicide.I promised them long ago this.Each of them holdm any of my traits I've introduced to them in time.Lexi the artist as I have taught her(one in pink),Brooke the scholar and writer(one in middle),and Jade the fierce and bold she wants to be a activist for protectign animals and children in need(one of the right).My life and happiness.

I have endured enough here in Georgia to say that I cannot do so anymore longer.I have been down for so long and I cannot handle that sorrow,it's pathetic a man like me must always be of light and care,so I am rising from it all,I am leavign this place,without thought,without voice.I love my home state and al lthe beauty it brings but I cannot live amongst my family I haveb een trying to get into school but that will take to much time so I have dicided to leave the state,to venture to another place and learn as well as live again,I will be sacrificing many things though,such as being around my nieces,the woods,creeks,and grasses,the humidity, and blue skies,for a concret jungle,for a lack of nature around the area,buildings,stores,and human arrogance for greed.Sadly I am willign to move to a place to test myself in a new area,touch as it is,I move from the country to a grand city.Boston to be exact,I await to know what I get myself into,these days here in my unaccepting home come to a end. So let's see what happens in the later times of this month,I have to get a I.D and that's pretty much all I need.

Kind of blurry but the best I could do with a broken camera,here is a unfinished picture of a dear friend of mine,Amber aka VonGeek.

I am getting back into doign artwork for now craving to pain badly and also to work with wood carving again,gah I crave it hahaha.Well peace and much love