agonistes_vental

My mind is weak,my spirit is torn,my heart aches,thus this morning falls deep into the ground and another sun soon rises with hope and passion I will not feel the day's breathe.It's been truly a long time since I've sat here and wrote fro mthe mind,from the spirit,and most of all the heart.So many thoughts plague me,so many feelings come and beat upon my skin reaking that of scars and bruises.SO many of you know me as the compassionate,the loving,the heart of purity,and brilliance of spirit.So many know my words,many seek refuge within the kinred's embrace I so gladly open to the world.But in truth I am weak,I am tired,I long to rest,I ache.
For it's been what almost three month's since I've left my cousin,since she has soared,shince I have embraced her and asisted her in time of need.Since then I have returned home to assist my sick mother.Sadly she is worn and dieing,her desire to consume that of liquid death and firey smoke,her lungs are burning,her stomach is boiling with sickness,she grows weaker and I sense it,she speaking of coffins,and also death,the welcomes it longing for it.Sadly I sit and listen to her quarrels with the earth,memories and pity,and a disgust with her son,me.Sadly as I have come home my money is dry,and work is scarce,I have pride and thus I refuse to drive a vehicle that burns the o-zone,that harms my lovely earth.I have not the persistance of a card that allows me to touch a car.And thus we are way out in the woods away from societies grasp in terms of towns,cities,and dumps.My mother,I love her dearly for I am glad she created me,beat me,hurt and broke my spirits,if she were not that of cruelty I would not be here,I watch as she slowly dies and thus it is pleaseing in some sick sadistic way to see that Great Spirit has finally given her back strift she has given me,the years of pain,hurt,and suffering,yet I pity her,thus a woman binded top this house,she will never leave,her only depenance is on her "Husband.A crual and heartless man whom comes daily once only at night to feed her beer and give her a scarce food supply of shit.He comes to dwell her to hurt her,he caresn ot for her,he lives not with her,he has his own life,his own hapiness,I feel he pities her and does not want to walk away from her for if she did she would die,she has no one but me.Sadly I have so much on my shoulders,so many thoughts and thus I have returned home to a mother whom is disapointed with me is sickened with what I am.Her words beat mewhere her han's can't anylonger.I remain thought ofr my distant brother whom calls to me longs for me to come to him he needs me,and sadly I have no way to him,he is my only brother,and finally as he reaches the rip age of spirit,28 he is finally ready to begin his path.After his third term in Iraq,his dark memoirs andbroken context of this world he returns to being nothing .We areo ne we are unity we are brothers.I ache and long to help him to awaken his true abiliity.But as I am here the one I though would help me,the one I thought cared and owed me has walked away,thus now in time I am stuck here.I dwell in painful memories of this hellish trailer park,so much blood has been spilt here,so many tears,scars.SO much of my life was here suffering with men and my once heartless mother.I see ghosts of my past and they call to me and cry to me.I deal with them daily along side helaings,readings and so many other things.I am growing weaker and thus I hurt badly.I am losing my strong grip on things.I try to keep things swift and strong but I am falling.
The sad thing is I am finally falling and what makes it so bad,what hurts me the most,is the fact I devote my life to hleping those in need and I do this well it is my happiness but sadly once I awaken those whom come to me,those who find refuge with me they walk away,lost in human indulgance.I weep for this one cruel thought,I help so many but in truth I have none whom are willing to help me.No one to pick me up when I fall.I am alone truly,I have many whom I love and respect,who I adore and admire,many who I open up to but in the end I am alone,I have really no friends just people who pass me by.I am weak and well I jsut long to be understood,to be embraced,I wish this to be the case.I know who I am,I know what I am,and what I do for people is wonderous and rare,it's selfless and beauitful as I am.But no one notices this,and those whom do seem to read and go on.I ask not for things,I long not for many things,I jsut long to be loved in truth.I am the loving,the compassionate,caring,the kind and gentle being,I devote my life to help others,I give so much to gain little.I live my life as a kindred spirit for it is I.I am rare,ancient,olden and beautiful,yet I wonder how many people see me,how many people notice who I am.For I am the romanitc the loving and the warrior also I fight for humanity and the protection of innocence.I am Corey Pridorium and thus I stand to speak,hear my cry,I am one with nature,I've done so much in this life that many dream of long for,well embrace me,take the chance to notice the voice.Be not afraid for many may be alone and afraid but soon enough I will find you and assist you.Across this new divide I stand alone.I may be weak now but I still find the ablility to soar.I am proud,fierce,and wild and wel las I speak now I slowly and rising stronger,faster,and I am growing more in balance from the darkness to light the even medium.Many asked to hear my words again here they are.I love all of you and thanks for listewning to me much love