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agentblack

United Kingdom

Member Since 2004

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Saturday Feb 25, 2006

Feb 25, 2006
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Things About Paul That Are Not Commonly Known.

1#I cry at films.

Let's just make this clear. Romantic Movies, indeed, tear jerkers of any description (Boy meets girls, girl meets terminal disease, cue music) leave my eyes bone dry and my skull bzzing with the dull whine of a Killing Rage.

However, films featuring combat scenes of frightening intensity will make me spontaenously sob for a few seconds before I stop again, looking around surreptiously to check if anyone saw. It is unexplainable, and embarassing.

Also, if they feature something like you know, a really brave dog. Tears Are Assured.

Top Five Weepies - In no particular order.

1. Saving Private Ryan - First twenty minutes, and the final skirmish at the end. I like the film, more or less, but I get uncomfortable watching it, because although I'm conscious that the film is intended as a tribute/memorial to the conflict, at a base level all of that passes over me and I'm just sitting there going "oh wow". Between the inexplicable crying fits, obviously.

2. Last Samurai - Also known as Dances With Samurai. Films like this generally annoy me. Anything featuring a 'civilised man' integrating with the 'savages' and discovering along the way that, "Hey they're actually kind of misunderstood!" It strikes me as cultural tourism. I get creeped out by the no doubt unintentional (and apparent only to my paranoid and fevered brain) that western culture is some sort of blank slate that can adapt painlessly to other ways of life.

Anyway, this film is awesome for the Ninja vs Samurai barney that kicks off midway through the film. Notable for a 'Brave Little Dog' mention, except that it's a Brave Little Boy. Close enough though. The sequence in question feels like a half hour plus of constant swirling violence movement, full on panic and cold determination married together - with the addition of swords flying through the air like a storm of razor edged leaves.

Crying Level during this sequence is a constant and unnoticed silent weeping.

The end is also worth a mention for a truly awesome battle scene, Sword Versus Rifles. Ace. The whole climatic battle scene is great, because it is impregnated with the knowledge that this is a going to be a final poetic and suicidal gesture on the part of the samurai. They know that this will be an unwinable battle, against impossible odds, another rich 'tears' trigger for my broken down and repressed emotions. Especially when the surviors of the first assault mount up for a final charge against massed field guns and maxim guns

*Blub*

3. King Kong. I was nearly inconsolable at the end of this film - He didn't mean to hurt anyone! He was just lonely! Again, this is less Brave Little Dog but Angry Big Ape. I attribute the crying in response to this film to my unusually high identification to the hero.

At the end, when Kong lies broken at the foot of the skyscraper and the photographers crawl over him taking their cheap little pictures, I almost got up and started screaming at the screen, telling them to get the hell away from him, Just leave him alone!
Luckily, my self control prevailed. But only just, damn it.

4.300. I haven't seen it yet, But I don't have to. Three Hundred men against Thousands. Dead to the last man. Defiance in the face of impossible odds. 'Nuff said.

Also, the comic is awesome.

5. Big Fish. There is no fighting, but fuck you, I defy you to watch this without wailing like someone just beat you.


2#Paul is a hopeless romantic.

Those of you who have met me may find this hard to believe, but I do actually fall in love with people at the drop of the hat. Yes, I am fickle and shallow.

I fell in love with the girl in the car in front of me on thursday morning on the way to work, for little other reason than she was wearing a nice jumper. (Thick Pink and Black Stripes - Ladies! Pay Attention.)

We would be married in Spring. She would like marmalade on thick crusty brown toast. She'd pick the slices of orange peel out first and save them on the side of the plate till last.

I'd give up my reckless and disreputable ways and We would live quietly in the country. We'd raise three rowdy and boisterous children named Tarquin, Jessamy and Kilesworth. One would play the cello.

I would take long walks with a black labrador named Inigo. She would bake cakes and... oh wait, the lights have changed.

Most of my horrendously ill advised relationships have been in part to my falling utter for some random detail.

"She's got freckles!" I gasp, heart a flutter, not listening whilst she chronicles the highs and lows of her ongoing struggle with cocaine.

"She's got totally scene hair!" I sigh, ignoring her complete disinterest in me.

I'm aware that I also have completely different set of standards than most of my peers.

Example - Things I have fallen for in girls.

1# Criminal Record - Beforehand, she was just another girl I knew. She was smart, erudite even, but I never really saw her as anything other than a pleasant and well dressed girl I could have a conversation about books with. Then she got nicked for shoplifting, and she became my number one crush, more so when it turned out that most of her outfits where entirely stolen. Even today, I still get weird feeling in my stomach

2# Girlfriend In A Coma - We'd both read it, we both loved it. She said something about magical realism, I was intimidated. Also, helplessly in love.

My tastes are odd. Only one fact is sure - If any girl could beat me in an arm wrestling match, I am smitten.
VIEW 19 of 19 COMMENTS
thenonstopdancer:

I sense WAR !
Mar 1, 2006
caramel:
Pah. Spoilsport.
Mar 1, 2006

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