Things that're inherently good.
My Brother's lady is the manager of an HMV, and due to his malign influence, he has a shiny new Xbox 360. I've been playing on it most of this week.
Who wants to touch me?
First off, Condemned is fucking nasty. Battering crackheads into submission with a lump of wood with nails through it is GRIM. as if that wasn't enough, the game then decides to add another favour to the mix when it gear shifts into CREEPY AS ALL FUCK.
I ended up playing it in five minute shifts, taking regular breaks when the RELENTLESS CREEPING HORROR became too much to deal with.
I finished it eventually at two in the morning. I spent a few minutes curled in a ball and rocking backwards and forwards, waiting for the terror to subside.
I wanted a woman to hold, one that smelt of cinnamon and warm biscuits. A kind hearted and gentle lady, who takes joy in simple things like baby animals and sunshine, who'd feed me cheese on toast and rub my belly, and tolerate my reckless ways.
Unfortunately no girls like that could be found in my front room, so I found my trusty baseball bat (His name is Mr Club - He is a good and true friend) and tucked my self up in bed, cursing the fact I live in a remote countryside house, much like the one found in the second from last level of Condemned - the game that makes you wee a little.
JOY
Still though, Xbox 360 + Paul = Happiest Boy in Toyland!
Other things that're good.
Half Life 2: Zombies FEAR me. I am the the Screaming Saint of the Shotgun.
The Illiad. I've been reading this during my lunch breaks. It's so fucking MANLY.
Example: Aias - a seriously heavy dude - is squaring off against Hector - He is a total bad ass, who has already offed countless Greeks. Zeus is backing him up, so he's basically bullet proof.
Aias picks up a boulder and cold smacks Hector in the chest with it. Hector, quite reasonably I feel, starts puking blood and passes out.
There's a bit of to and fro in Olympus, Hera has been doing the filth with Zeus to keep him distracted from interfering in the battle, but when he finds out Hector's been clocked, Zeus sends Apollo (Paul's favourite god of Antiquity, fact fans!) to sort stuff out.
Apollo finds Hector where he's been dragged to safety, and basically says to him "Sort it out, you soft fucking fanny."
Which is enough to get Hector back into the fray.
AWESOME.
Still haven't bought any Christmas presents. Ha!
My Brother's lady is the manager of an HMV, and due to his malign influence, he has a shiny new Xbox 360. I've been playing on it most of this week.
Who wants to touch me?
First off, Condemned is fucking nasty. Battering crackheads into submission with a lump of wood with nails through it is GRIM. as if that wasn't enough, the game then decides to add another favour to the mix when it gear shifts into CREEPY AS ALL FUCK.
I ended up playing it in five minute shifts, taking regular breaks when the RELENTLESS CREEPING HORROR became too much to deal with.
I finished it eventually at two in the morning. I spent a few minutes curled in a ball and rocking backwards and forwards, waiting for the terror to subside.
I wanted a woman to hold, one that smelt of cinnamon and warm biscuits. A kind hearted and gentle lady, who takes joy in simple things like baby animals and sunshine, who'd feed me cheese on toast and rub my belly, and tolerate my reckless ways.
Unfortunately no girls like that could be found in my front room, so I found my trusty baseball bat (His name is Mr Club - He is a good and true friend) and tucked my self up in bed, cursing the fact I live in a remote countryside house, much like the one found in the second from last level of Condemned - the game that makes you wee a little.
JOY
Still though, Xbox 360 + Paul = Happiest Boy in Toyland!
Other things that're good.
Half Life 2: Zombies FEAR me. I am the the Screaming Saint of the Shotgun.
The Illiad. I've been reading this during my lunch breaks. It's so fucking MANLY.
Example: Aias - a seriously heavy dude - is squaring off against Hector - He is a total bad ass, who has already offed countless Greeks. Zeus is backing him up, so he's basically bullet proof.
Aias picks up a boulder and cold smacks Hector in the chest with it. Hector, quite reasonably I feel, starts puking blood and passes out.
There's a bit of to and fro in Olympus, Hera has been doing the filth with Zeus to keep him distracted from interfering in the battle, but when he finds out Hector's been clocked, Zeus sends Apollo (Paul's favourite god of Antiquity, fact fans!) to sort stuff out.
Apollo finds Hector where he's been dragged to safety, and basically says to him "Sort it out, you soft fucking fanny."
Which is enough to get Hector back into the fray.
AWESOME.
Still haven't bought any Christmas presents. Ha!
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Happy Christmas my friend.