My feeling like crap yesterday has spilled over into today... 
Ill explain when I have more time.
(Sorry I havent managed to respond to alot of you or leave you random comments Ive not got access to the net as much at the mo' so its tricky (...to rock a rhyme that's right on time. It's tricky tricky tricky tricky)
So please forgive me!
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This is kinda a work in progress because ive only get a couple of spare minutes at a time on here, so keep checkin back and bear with me
Recently Ive kept getting more and more flash backs and dreams from when I died. But lately they've started gettin more and more vivid. More details, feelings and smells. This isnt particularly good, when the only thing you could smell was dissinfectent and your own burnt skin.
There were only very few things I can remember originaly. Think, maybe partly because I blocked alot of it out and partly because I was unconsious for weeks. Even when I woke up I could open my eyes for another 6 days. Temporarily loosing different sences kinda dulls lot of the memories too, because you dont get the full picture its hard to piece the entrie event together.
I vaugely remember dying.
There was alot of muffled noise. Beeps and clattering. It was like watchin ER with the volume all the way up but with your fingers in your ears.
I can remember slipping in and out of consiousness and being really confused, sleepy and incredibly hot and tingly.
Then nothing.
I do recall waking up. I was awake but asleep. I could hear things but all I saw was black. Then apparently I freaked out. Started convulsing and ripped the IV out from the back of my hand, covering the place with blood... Then once again I was unconsious.
Prizing my eyes open took so much effort.
I was lying on my back with my head to one side. I couldnt move, even breathing was painfull. Feeling like my skin was shrink wrapped around me, uncomfortably tight. I was hard to focus because my I was panicing but my breathing was so shallow.
Nothing looked right.
Nothing look familior.
The first thing I remember after opening my eyes was seeing a child peering in between the small gap in the door. A little boy about 4 or 5. There was something odd about him though. I couldnt tell what it was, but it was quite right. Then he before I could really make him out he had gone.
I lay in that bed for an eternity. Minute became hours, hours became days, not moving, not speaking.
Noone visited me for about 3 days.
I didnt know what I had done wrong.
Every so often a nurse would come by and ajust things out of my prohiphiral vision and ask me things I couldnt answer. Occasionaly an Asian doctor would come in followed by other younger people in white coats.
Slowly I pieced together what had happened to me.
Ild been burnt and suffered head injuries. Quite badly, but not horrifically. There had been an explosion and Ild been found and rushed to various hospitals. I couldnt ask questions so I didnt get a great deal of useful answers. They told me that they had put a heater over me in order to make me sweat, thus speeding up the healing process. The various tubes coming out of me were feeding me ridiculous amounts of morphine, rehydrating my body and previously keeping me alive. They said they had to resusitate me on the first night... I had died.
I had died!?
I wanted to ask how, why, when... What day is it? Where am I? Where are my family? But I couldnt.
As time went by the frustration set in more and more as I was able to move around the room. I couldnt speak, eat properly, but worst of all I was just lonely.
It was about 3 week in when I saw my reflection.
Ive never been so scared.
This is what I blocked out so much.
I wanted no memory of it what so ever.
All I can remember was crying.
Every night.
Every night till my chest hurt.
Then one morning I saw the boy again. Same as before, peering through the gap.
I could make him out better now and it struck me what was different.
It was his skin.
His face and whole left side of his bodyhad been burnt. Badly. There was a tube under his nose and he was on crutches too. He smiled, laughed and clicked way out of sight. For some reason, this defining moment picked me up and made me smile.
I never saw him again, even when I was able to leave my room. He never came back. But that image seem to stay with me long after all the other events surrounding it faded and vanished.
I still wander about him.
Not, about what happened to him or what he did. Just how he is now, what he's doing. He mite be a teenager now.
On the news about a year ago, a boy aged 13 died after problems under going a skin graft...
...makes me wander
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ps. go take my quiz!
http://www.quizyourfriends.com/takequiz.php?quizname=050217100535-846217
(cut and paste it)
Let me know how you did, cus I dont know who half the people on the scoreboard are!?
...and NO cheating!!
Ill explain when I have more time.
(Sorry I havent managed to respond to alot of you or leave you random comments
Ive not got access to the net as much at the mo' so its tricky (...to rock a rhyme that's right on time. It's tricky tricky tricky tricky)
So please forgive me!
************************************************
This is kinda a work in progress because ive only get a couple of spare minutes at a time on here, so keep checkin back and bear with me
Recently Ive kept getting more and more flash backs and dreams from when I died. But lately they've started gettin more and more vivid. More details, feelings and smells. This isnt particularly good, when the only thing you could smell was dissinfectent and your own burnt skin.
There were only very few things I can remember originaly. Think, maybe partly because I blocked alot of it out and partly because I was unconsious for weeks. Even when I woke up I could open my eyes for another 6 days. Temporarily loosing different sences kinda dulls lot of the memories too, because you dont get the full picture its hard to piece the entrie event together.
I vaugely remember dying.
There was alot of muffled noise. Beeps and clattering. It was like watchin ER with the volume all the way up but with your fingers in your ears.
I can remember slipping in and out of consiousness and being really confused, sleepy and incredibly hot and tingly.
Then nothing.
I do recall waking up. I was awake but asleep. I could hear things but all I saw was black. Then apparently I freaked out. Started convulsing and ripped the IV out from the back of my hand, covering the place with blood... Then once again I was unconsious.
Prizing my eyes open took so much effort.
I was lying on my back with my head to one side. I couldnt move, even breathing was painfull. Feeling like my skin was shrink wrapped around me, uncomfortably tight. I was hard to focus because my I was panicing but my breathing was so shallow.
Nothing looked right.
Nothing look familior.
The first thing I remember after opening my eyes was seeing a child peering in between the small gap in the door. A little boy about 4 or 5. There was something odd about him though. I couldnt tell what it was, but it was quite right. Then he before I could really make him out he had gone.
I lay in that bed for an eternity. Minute became hours, hours became days, not moving, not speaking.
Noone visited me for about 3 days.
I didnt know what I had done wrong.
Every so often a nurse would come by and ajust things out of my prohiphiral vision and ask me things I couldnt answer. Occasionaly an Asian doctor would come in followed by other younger people in white coats.
Slowly I pieced together what had happened to me.
Ild been burnt and suffered head injuries. Quite badly, but not horrifically. There had been an explosion and Ild been found and rushed to various hospitals. I couldnt ask questions so I didnt get a great deal of useful answers. They told me that they had put a heater over me in order to make me sweat, thus speeding up the healing process. The various tubes coming out of me were feeding me ridiculous amounts of morphine, rehydrating my body and previously keeping me alive. They said they had to resusitate me on the first night... I had died.
I had died!?
I wanted to ask how, why, when... What day is it? Where am I? Where are my family? But I couldnt.
As time went by the frustration set in more and more as I was able to move around the room. I couldnt speak, eat properly, but worst of all I was just lonely.
It was about 3 week in when I saw my reflection.
Ive never been so scared.
This is what I blocked out so much.
I wanted no memory of it what so ever.
All I can remember was crying.
Every night.
Every night till my chest hurt.
Then one morning I saw the boy again. Same as before, peering through the gap.
I could make him out better now and it struck me what was different.
It was his skin.
His face and whole left side of his bodyhad been burnt. Badly. There was a tube under his nose and he was on crutches too. He smiled, laughed and clicked way out of sight. For some reason, this defining moment picked me up and made me smile.
I never saw him again, even when I was able to leave my room. He never came back. But that image seem to stay with me long after all the other events surrounding it faded and vanished.
I still wander about him.
Not, about what happened to him or what he did. Just how he is now, what he's doing. He mite be a teenager now.
On the news about a year ago, a boy aged 13 died after problems under going a skin graft...
...makes me wander
*************************************************
ps. go take my quiz!
http://www.quizyourfriends.com/takequiz.php?quizname=050217100535-846217
(cut and paste it)
Let me know how you did, cus I dont know who half the people on the scoreboard are!?
...and NO cheating!!
VIEW 14 of 14 COMMENTS
go take mine! (on my journal!)