Is it just me or is country music truely bollocks?!
I was wandering throught the house and I caught the tail end of some slack jawed, banjo bangers tale of wo'... Because thats what it always is really isnt it? Some, numbnut in a cowboy hat with a bouble barrelled name, like Billy Gay Cyrus or what ever the fuck he was called banging on about the 'one that got away'... usually a cow or animal of some description.
Now, ill make exceptions within this genre. Dont worry, only a very small handful will avoid being persicuted with the full extremities of my wrath. Well, when I say 'very small handful' I really mean 2. Sorry, no Shindler's list here people. These 2 are Johnny Cash, because he was a badass (and GG Allins idol) and Dolly Parton, soley because shes lovely and has big breasts (not that ild what to see them at this time in her life) So, ok there's your 2. Deal with it.
Anyway, where was I going with this?... Oh yeah, this song that was playing. Shocking, truely shocking. All I really caught was that this guy had lost some girl then had gone to get on a boat, but accidently got on a train instead or something to that effect. Which personly, I feel reveals alot about him as a person and proberly sheds some light unto why this women left him in the first place. Never the less, I felt, the standard of country songs was so poor any dumb bastard could write one...
-enter me-
Now, sing this out loud and in a deep Texas accent...
'You Never Forget Your First Pig'
Son I gotta talk to ya, just sit yourself down your Daddys got something to say.
What you need to know bout' the birds and the bees and to keep you from goin' astray.
Cus there some rules us men folk must folla' and life on the farm'll be fine.
You can bang anything that you find in the farm yard but dont touch your sister she's mine.
You can Jack yourself off just as much as you can, maybe Gramma' ll give you a hand.
Or go ask your Momma cus she's been a waitin' for you to grow into a man.
You can practise on cactus just be careful of prickin' your dick on a spine.
No tellin' where else you can go dunk your biscuit, but dont touch your sister shes mine.
Dont touch your sister cus you'll get in trouble, that sorta thing just aint done.
If you feel a twitchin' from down in your britches go look somewhere else for your fun.
You can practise on cactus just be careful of prickin' your dick on a spine.
You can blow anything that you find in the barn but dont touch your sister she's mine.
You can go ride your Grampa, cus if you're real gental he probley wont realise you're there.
But when you're finished just button his trousers and prop him back up in his chair.
You can have your first choice of the sales men that come or the preacher next time that he calls around.
Feel free to have the sheep or the goats lick on your balls, but dont touch your sister shes mine.
Buzzards aint bad when you knows how to catch em' , just fart and they'll think that you're dead.
Dont turn your back on the cat cus he scratches but the young carfs really love giving head.
You can do what you like to the horses, the cattle, the chicken, the goats or the swine.
You can fuck anything that you find in the farm yard but dont touch your sister shes mine.
**********************************************
-update (27th)-
Met up with Nadine and Holly today!
Had a great time, we laughed, we (well I) cried, we even push over some disabled midgets and threw food at them. Ahhh a great time was had by all! Except for maybe the old lady that fell over... (long story)
Anywho, long story short, they both went home slightly flustered...
...and I left, feeling slightly degraded...
lol
Lol, there not alot else I can say without giving it away though im sure Nadine will fill you all in...
No, actully I can pretty much put money on that she will!
...Oh good god...
Still, I had an awsome time and I miss you both already!
I was wandering throught the house and I caught the tail end of some slack jawed, banjo bangers tale of wo'... Because thats what it always is really isnt it? Some, numbnut in a cowboy hat with a bouble barrelled name, like Billy Gay Cyrus or what ever the fuck he was called banging on about the 'one that got away'... usually a cow or animal of some description.
Now, ill make exceptions within this genre. Dont worry, only a very small handful will avoid being persicuted with the full extremities of my wrath. Well, when I say 'very small handful' I really mean 2. Sorry, no Shindler's list here people. These 2 are Johnny Cash, because he was a badass (and GG Allins idol) and Dolly Parton, soley because shes lovely and has big breasts (not that ild what to see them at this time in her life) So, ok there's your 2. Deal with it.
Anyway, where was I going with this?... Oh yeah, this song that was playing. Shocking, truely shocking. All I really caught was that this guy had lost some girl then had gone to get on a boat, but accidently got on a train instead or something to that effect. Which personly, I feel reveals alot about him as a person and proberly sheds some light unto why this women left him in the first place. Never the less, I felt, the standard of country songs was so poor any dumb bastard could write one...
-enter me-
Now, sing this out loud and in a deep Texas accent...
'You Never Forget Your First Pig'
Son I gotta talk to ya, just sit yourself down your Daddys got something to say.
What you need to know bout' the birds and the bees and to keep you from goin' astray.
Cus there some rules us men folk must folla' and life on the farm'll be fine.
You can bang anything that you find in the farm yard but dont touch your sister she's mine.
You can Jack yourself off just as much as you can, maybe Gramma' ll give you a hand.
Or go ask your Momma cus she's been a waitin' for you to grow into a man.
You can practise on cactus just be careful of prickin' your dick on a spine.
No tellin' where else you can go dunk your biscuit, but dont touch your sister shes mine.
Dont touch your sister cus you'll get in trouble, that sorta thing just aint done.
If you feel a twitchin' from down in your britches go look somewhere else for your fun.
You can practise on cactus just be careful of prickin' your dick on a spine.
You can blow anything that you find in the barn but dont touch your sister she's mine.
You can go ride your Grampa, cus if you're real gental he probley wont realise you're there.
But when you're finished just button his trousers and prop him back up in his chair.
You can have your first choice of the sales men that come or the preacher next time that he calls around.
Feel free to have the sheep or the goats lick on your balls, but dont touch your sister shes mine.
Buzzards aint bad when you knows how to catch em' , just fart and they'll think that you're dead.
Dont turn your back on the cat cus he scratches but the young carfs really love giving head.
You can do what you like to the horses, the cattle, the chicken, the goats or the swine.
You can fuck anything that you find in the farm yard but dont touch your sister shes mine.
**********************************************
-update (27th)-
Met up with Nadine and Holly today!
Had a great time, we laughed, we (well I) cried, we even push over some disabled midgets and threw food at them. Ahhh a great time was had by all! Except for maybe the old lady that fell over... (long story)
Anywho, long story short, they both went home slightly flustered...
...and I left, feeling slightly degraded...
lol
Lol, there not alot else I can say without giving it away though im sure Nadine will fill you all in...
No, actully I can pretty much put money on that she will!
...Oh good god...
Still, I had an awsome time and I miss you both already!
VIEW 8 of 8 COMMENTS
was wicked to meet you dude, i guess ill be seeing more of you now too if you come down on the 11th!