<<<(Firstly... How cute do I look!?!? 
)
I swear if Mark shows me his balls again im gonna kick em'. Honestly. Ild just drop kick the fuckers so they end up by his lungs!
Mark, if you must know, got his nads peirced. In a manor of speaking, and take every oppotunity to remind me.
This is me and Mark.
He has no hair.
On his head. (before you ask)
(Oh, Ive added aload more pics... go has a peek
)
It's not nice. Really. Its got to the point where its actully quite disturbing. I mean lets face it male genitalia is particularly awful. I think when women were being designed by god or the team of Italian gay men or who ever it was, it was rather a good day. Everybody was enjoying them selves, there was some nice wine, food, maybe a buffet and everyone was having a lovely time. And it shows. But when men came up for production, it must have been some kind of double shift dead line late on a friday night. You know, noone really wanting to be there, wanting to get home, watch the weakest link etc. And they rushed it. Just using bits left over.
But, people say after making love there kind of a meloncolia about it all, la petit morte, little dead. Well, let me tell you, after a romantic night in with yourself theres a very acute sensation of failed suicide. And I think alot of that if because of the gear you've got to work with.
Is all a terrible state of affairs.
But I dont want to talk endlessly about genitalia.
Saying that, I really do actully want to go and see 'The Vagina Monologs' solely because it sounds so fabliously fuckin' stupid! Because everybody knows that if female genitalia could speak it would sound exactly... like Enya.
Now, im not here to make any generalisations about women, its vulgar. But all I will say is, they all evil and manipulative. Bearing in mind this is a, well, very feminine site, that was either very brave of me or... mind numbingly fuckin' stupid. But lets not nit pic. Either way the best way to see women in all their glory is in arguments because male and female methods differ astonishingly when it comes to arguments. Its like war. The best way to describe the guys version is early 70's, Soviet made, uni-directional, trundaling bohemoths that say the same thing again and again. "I told you I wouldnt beable to make it on tuesday. I told you. I said Ild be away. I heard my own voice. I told you..." Where as women seem to have this amazing slinky stealth bombers, designed by Ferarri. With a lovely cream leather interior and infinate torque. Thats why they can respond by saying. "Yes, ok. But why's the fridge door open!?" .... How do you do that!?
Still, you lot are so easy to wind up. Its great. I managed to send some woman ape shit at me, mearly by taking out a cigarette! Seriously. I was down in London and I was waiting at a bus stop. I took out some lights and put one in my mouth while I pat myself down for my lighter. So im standing there touching myself up and this women says "Are you going to smoke that?" ...
I paused for a second and find my lighter then say " Yes... But im not going to enjoy it." "Im just using it to light the next one!"... Needless to say, she didnt take kindly to my responce. Infact, I think she called me an arsehole... But come on, it shouldnt be anykind of social disobedience to light a cigarette, unless, you know, your actully a doctor working at an incubator. It shouldnt be a big deal. Still, round one to me! 
Anyway, whats all this shit with banning smoking!? Come on, its all most of us have got left to enjoy. Plus people need things that are bad for them, they always have. Nobody phones up Abra-Kebab-Ra or someother burger place at like, 4 in the morning and slurs: "Have you got any of that there salad!? I wanna radish!...You know, I just need one... heroin does that to ya..." It just doesnt happen. But to be honest, I have limited sympathy for people who do get messed up by heroin because you would have thought one of them would have heard something bad about it by now?
On the flip side, there all these moronic little books and selfhelp tapes etc that are supposed to help you, but in reailty theyre just as bad. Like, 'Release the inner you' or 'releasing your potential'. Now thats a very dangerous idea. You should just stay right away from it. Leave it alone! You'll just mess it up. Its potential, leave it alone! And anyway, its like your bank balence. You've always got alot less than you think. Its depressing. Just leave it as like a locked door within yourself. Just look at the people who actully use it. The great atheiletes of the world, the sport stars. They run up and down a field swearing and shouting at one another. Are they happy?... No. Theyre destroying themselves. Who's happy? You, the fat fucks watching them! With a beer can balenced on your ninth belly. Roring advise at the best athiletes in the world. So dont do it. Its not going to make you happy. Itll depress you when you find out how little you've got. You dont want to find out that the most you could possibly acheive if you gave it your all. If you harvested every scrap of energy in you and devoted yourself to improving yourself. That all you would get to, would be maybe, eating less savoury cheesy snacks.
Like I said, it all bollocks. Just like cookery programs. They're all in the same leauge. Who the fuck has time to do that crap!? There isnt time for all this horse shit. But dont worry about it because nobody lives like this. Nobody. You all think they do, but they dont. Then it depresses you because you know that most nights, you'll come home from work and you end up sitting infront of the TV eating bread, out the bag, dipping it in anything runnier than bread. So, look dont get stressed about it. If needs be, and you're feeling adventurous just say to yourself " Yes! Tonight, I will eat something with more than two colours in it!" Just dont get carried away.
But I say just relax. Dont worry about it. I dont.
Then again im drunk most of the time (including now) so you can either take my advice of leave it.
I dunno.
Ps. Will someone PLEASE buy me this?... PLEASE!
)
I swear if Mark shows me his balls again im gonna kick em'. Honestly. Ild just drop kick the fuckers so they end up by his lungs!
Mark, if you must know, got his nads peirced. In a manor of speaking, and take every oppotunity to remind me.
This is me and Mark.
He has no hair.
On his head. (before you ask)
(Oh, Ive added aload more pics... go has a peek
)
It's not nice. Really. Its got to the point where its actully quite disturbing. I mean lets face it male genitalia is particularly awful. I think when women were being designed by god or the team of Italian gay men or who ever it was, it was rather a good day. Everybody was enjoying them selves, there was some nice wine, food, maybe a buffet and everyone was having a lovely time. And it shows. But when men came up for production, it must have been some kind of double shift dead line late on a friday night. You know, noone really wanting to be there, wanting to get home, watch the weakest link etc. And they rushed it. Just using bits left over.
But, people say after making love there kind of a meloncolia about it all, la petit morte, little dead. Well, let me tell you, after a romantic night in with yourself theres a very acute sensation of failed suicide. And I think alot of that if because of the gear you've got to work with.
Is all a terrible state of affairs.
But I dont want to talk endlessly about genitalia.
Saying that, I really do actully want to go and see 'The Vagina Monologs' solely because it sounds so fabliously fuckin' stupid! Because everybody knows that if female genitalia could speak it would sound exactly... like Enya.
Now, im not here to make any generalisations about women, its vulgar. But all I will say is, they all evil and manipulative. Bearing in mind this is a, well, very feminine site, that was either very brave of me or... mind numbingly fuckin' stupid. But lets not nit pic. Either way the best way to see women in all their glory is in arguments because male and female methods differ astonishingly when it comes to arguments. Its like war. The best way to describe the guys version is early 70's, Soviet made, uni-directional, trundaling bohemoths that say the same thing again and again. "I told you I wouldnt beable to make it on tuesday. I told you. I said Ild be away. I heard my own voice. I told you..." Where as women seem to have this amazing slinky stealth bombers, designed by Ferarri. With a lovely cream leather interior and infinate torque. Thats why they can respond by saying. "Yes, ok. But why's the fridge door open!?" .... How do you do that!?
Still, you lot are so easy to wind up. Its great. I managed to send some woman ape shit at me, mearly by taking out a cigarette! Seriously. I was down in London and I was waiting at a bus stop. I took out some lights and put one in my mouth while I pat myself down for my lighter. So im standing there touching myself up and this women says "Are you going to smoke that?" ...
I paused for a second and find my lighter then say " Yes... But im not going to enjoy it." "Im just using it to light the next one!"... Needless to say, she didnt take kindly to my responce. Infact, I think she called me an arsehole... But come on, it shouldnt be anykind of social disobedience to light a cigarette, unless, you know, your actully a doctor working at an incubator. It shouldnt be a big deal. Still, round one to me!
Anyway, whats all this shit with banning smoking!? Come on, its all most of us have got left to enjoy. Plus people need things that are bad for them, they always have. Nobody phones up Abra-Kebab-Ra or someother burger place at like, 4 in the morning and slurs: "Have you got any of that there salad!? I wanna radish!...You know, I just need one... heroin does that to ya..." It just doesnt happen. But to be honest, I have limited sympathy for people who do get messed up by heroin because you would have thought one of them would have heard something bad about it by now?
On the flip side, there all these moronic little books and selfhelp tapes etc that are supposed to help you, but in reailty theyre just as bad. Like, 'Release the inner you' or 'releasing your potential'. Now thats a very dangerous idea. You should just stay right away from it. Leave it alone! You'll just mess it up. Its potential, leave it alone! And anyway, its like your bank balence. You've always got alot less than you think. Its depressing. Just leave it as like a locked door within yourself. Just look at the people who actully use it. The great atheiletes of the world, the sport stars. They run up and down a field swearing and shouting at one another. Are they happy?... No. Theyre destroying themselves. Who's happy? You, the fat fucks watching them! With a beer can balenced on your ninth belly. Roring advise at the best athiletes in the world. So dont do it. Its not going to make you happy. Itll depress you when you find out how little you've got. You dont want to find out that the most you could possibly acheive if you gave it your all. If you harvested every scrap of energy in you and devoted yourself to improving yourself. That all you would get to, would be maybe, eating less savoury cheesy snacks.
Like I said, it all bollocks. Just like cookery programs. They're all in the same leauge. Who the fuck has time to do that crap!? There isnt time for all this horse shit. But dont worry about it because nobody lives like this. Nobody. You all think they do, but they dont. Then it depresses you because you know that most nights, you'll come home from work and you end up sitting infront of the TV eating bread, out the bag, dipping it in anything runnier than bread. So, look dont get stressed about it. If needs be, and you're feeling adventurous just say to yourself " Yes! Tonight, I will eat something with more than two colours in it!" Just dont get carried away.
But I say just relax. Dont worry about it. I dont.
Then again im drunk most of the time (including now) so you can either take my advice of leave it.
I dunno.
Ps. Will someone PLEASE buy me this?... PLEASE!
VIEW 12 of 12 COMMENTS
kinkerbelle:
maybe.
perdy:
ok ok here it is as promised a post on your journal to make you look popular.......... 