AHHHhhhhhh...Christ, what happened!?...
Ohhh... What?
Huh?
God, Ive got a hangover. Gimme a minute.
Fuck.
Ok, im good. Ahhhhhh. Im most likely going to moan about alcohol now. So sorry.
Well, I hope you all had a good new years, thing. I did. I think. Akemi came up from Brighton and got twatted with me and Si.
Very twatted! And we boogied... 
Either way it's all a little hazy, so I guess I did, yes. See, because if you're anything like me, you measure what a good time you had by how much it fucks you up. You'll got out, get ripped and shit faced. You wake up like, 4.15 the next day and someone will say to you "How was last night"? and you'll say (well slur) "It was fantastic...I cant see". "No feeling. No sence of sensation down the whole left side of me. Oh. Ahhh. I cant even form sentenses... You should have come, you'ld have least lost an ear!" But I guess it all depends on what you're drinking. See, I like wine. Red wine. Classy, I know. Well. Ok, not really. I drink it out the bottle...and I dont usually have a cork screw so I hammer the cork into the bottle. But I dont care! Im happy with my social status. Im fine!
What was I saying? Ah, yes wine. Its good cause its slow acting. You can eat and things and talk to people, then after a while someone will go "I know! I know! Lets go... pot holeing! In Croatia!" and you'll be thinking, "Fine. I know a guy who can give us a lift." See, its pretty harmless. Just turns you into a slightly sophisticated jibbering twat, really.
Its not like that with beer. I think beer is made by food companies you know. Just to make people stalk the streets at 2 on a Saturday morning going "Whats that moving!?...A nun? Get it! We'll fry it! Im starving!"
And vodka. Ahh, vodka's very deceptive. Its evil. You drink it and you'll be like "...what is this? Its pointless, you cant taste it you cant smell it. Why did we waste our money on this bloody... why are we on a tropical island!? What?"
Then whiskey. Not bourbon, im talking proper whiskey. The shit that can strip the varnish of a 17th century mahogany dining table. Older people drink alot of it, and mainly the Irish. But it turns you into two people. Really. One of you is very nice. You'll go up to total strangers and go "Come in, come in, sit down, for god sake have something. Take my bed, ahh go on!" Then you'll go up to people you've known and loved all your life and say "Get the fuck out of my house! Go on, get! Fuck off!... and leave a tip."
But the most dangerous drink Ive found is Gin. I bet most of you are saying Absinthe right now. You know, Absinthe: 'The drink that makes you want to kill yourself, instantly'. That should be their slogan. Well anyway I dont really class it as a drink. I see it more as an unfinished chemical warfare experiment, that accidently got introduce to the general public. So, it doesnt count. Ok, now, Gin. You have to be really careful with that. You also have to be 45, female and sitting on stairs because Gin isnt just a drink, its more of a masscara thinner you know. "...nobody likes my shoes!" "I... I made 50! 50, fucking volovons and not one of you. Not one of you!... Said thank you!" And my favourate: "Everyone shut up! Shut up!...It song is all about, ME!
Oh, what fun.
But you know what bugs me when im rat arsed. You know? Fuckin cash point machines (ATM's for you people over the pond) at 3 in the morning. Fuck, those things are confusing! You stand there trying to keep it in focus and it starts asking you questions. 'Beep' 'Beep' 'Are you happy with your morgage?' "Ahh, I dont know! Im not even sure about this sausage roll!" 'Beep' 'Beep' 'Do you want to check your balance?' "What, are you my mother!?... Where is the button with the picture of the pint!?" Then you just get violent and it brings out the worst in you.
As far as im concerned, theres only really one other thing that has a simular effect on people... Hotel rooms! Really. Think about it! Everybody is corrupted by hotel rooms! You cant help it. Its the only place in the world where you walk in and the first thing you do is steal everything before youve taken your coat off! Or you'll find yourself bouncing up and down on the bed wearing the shower cap thinking, "What can I do in here!?" Its, like when you read in the newspapers about some footballer or presenter is caught in a hotel room surrounded by hookers and cocain. But everyone else goes "Oh, the shame of it! Thats just terrible! How could he? Ild never do that!...Ive never had the chance. But ild never do anything like that! But come on, what else are you supposed to give hookers in a hotel room? Fuckin yogurt!? Meh, everybody is corrupted by hotel rooms!
In other, less moaning news:
I have broken bones.
Ive lost my favourate hat.
Si's car's nearly road worthy.
My weird stalker/nutcase reached a new low.
I finished Chuck Palahniuk's 'Diary'.
Im broke.
I need my hair cut.
I feel lonely.
*sigh* Well, anyway Im gonna go now. Ive said my piece and I need more alcohol. Quite badly. These wine gums aint really filling the void. So, bye!
Oh, and leave comments.
Ahhhh
Ohhh... What?
Huh?
God, Ive got a hangover. Gimme a minute.
Fuck.
Ok, im good. Ahhhhhh. Im most likely going to moan about alcohol now. So sorry.
Well, I hope you all had a good new years, thing. I did. I think. Akemi came up from Brighton and got twatted with me and Si.
Very twatted! And we boogied... Either way it's all a little hazy, so I guess I did, yes. See, because if you're anything like me, you measure what a good time you had by how much it fucks you up. You'll got out, get ripped and shit faced. You wake up like, 4.15 the next day and someone will say to you "How was last night"? and you'll say (well slur) "It was fantastic...I cant see". "No feeling. No sence of sensation down the whole left side of me. Oh. Ahhh. I cant even form sentenses... You should have come, you'ld have least lost an ear!" But I guess it all depends on what you're drinking. See, I like wine. Red wine. Classy, I know. Well. Ok, not really. I drink it out the bottle...and I dont usually have a cork screw so I hammer the cork into the bottle. But I dont care! Im happy with my social status. Im fine!
What was I saying? Ah, yes wine. Its good cause its slow acting. You can eat and things and talk to people, then after a while someone will go "I know! I know! Lets go... pot holeing! In Croatia!" and you'll be thinking, "Fine. I know a guy who can give us a lift." See, its pretty harmless. Just turns you into a slightly sophisticated jibbering twat, really.
Its not like that with beer. I think beer is made by food companies you know. Just to make people stalk the streets at 2 on a Saturday morning going "Whats that moving!?...A nun? Get it! We'll fry it! Im starving!"
And vodka. Ahh, vodka's very deceptive. Its evil. You drink it and you'll be like "...what is this? Its pointless, you cant taste it you cant smell it. Why did we waste our money on this bloody... why are we on a tropical island!? What?"
Then whiskey. Not bourbon, im talking proper whiskey. The shit that can strip the varnish of a 17th century mahogany dining table. Older people drink alot of it, and mainly the Irish. But it turns you into two people. Really. One of you is very nice. You'll go up to total strangers and go "Come in, come in, sit down, for god sake have something. Take my bed, ahh go on!" Then you'll go up to people you've known and loved all your life and say "Get the fuck out of my house! Go on, get! Fuck off!... and leave a tip."
But the most dangerous drink Ive found is Gin. I bet most of you are saying Absinthe right now. You know, Absinthe: 'The drink that makes you want to kill yourself, instantly'. That should be their slogan. Well anyway I dont really class it as a drink. I see it more as an unfinished chemical warfare experiment, that accidently got introduce to the general public. So, it doesnt count. Ok, now, Gin. You have to be really careful with that. You also have to be 45, female and sitting on stairs because Gin isnt just a drink, its more of a masscara thinner you know. "...nobody likes my shoes!" "I... I made 50! 50, fucking volovons and not one of you. Not one of you!... Said thank you!" And my favourate: "Everyone shut up! Shut up!...It song is all about, ME!
Oh, what fun.
But you know what bugs me when im rat arsed. You know? Fuckin cash point machines (ATM's for you people over the pond) at 3 in the morning. Fuck, those things are confusing! You stand there trying to keep it in focus and it starts asking you questions. 'Beep' 'Beep' 'Are you happy with your morgage?' "Ahh, I dont know! Im not even sure about this sausage roll!" 'Beep' 'Beep' 'Do you want to check your balance?' "What, are you my mother!?... Where is the button with the picture of the pint!?" Then you just get violent and it brings out the worst in you.
As far as im concerned, theres only really one other thing that has a simular effect on people... Hotel rooms! Really. Think about it! Everybody is corrupted by hotel rooms! You cant help it. Its the only place in the world where you walk in and the first thing you do is steal everything before youve taken your coat off! Or you'll find yourself bouncing up and down on the bed wearing the shower cap thinking, "What can I do in here!?" Its, like when you read in the newspapers about some footballer or presenter is caught in a hotel room surrounded by hookers and cocain. But everyone else goes "Oh, the shame of it! Thats just terrible! How could he? Ild never do that!...Ive never had the chance. But ild never do anything like that! But come on, what else are you supposed to give hookers in a hotel room? Fuckin yogurt!? Meh, everybody is corrupted by hotel rooms!
In other, less moaning news:
I have broken bones.
Ive lost my favourate hat.
Si's car's nearly road worthy.
My weird stalker/nutcase reached a new low.
I finished Chuck Palahniuk's 'Diary'.
Im broke.
I need my hair cut.
I feel lonely.
*sigh* Well, anyway Im gonna go now. Ive said my piece and I need more alcohol. Quite badly. These wine gums aint really filling the void. So, bye!
Oh, and leave comments.
Ahhhh
VIEW 12 of 12 COMMENTS
so you just made me look like the biggest gimp ever - sitting in a net cafe giggling so hard i almost fell off my chair
thanxxx