Im fuckin' pissed off... 
Like you hadnt guessed!
Good gig tonite.
Shit atmosphere.
Everyone seemed to give it 110% and the crowd loved it. Appart from that it sucked.
Im not mentioning any names, because nothings official. But all of you who know me will know what bands Im talking about. Well, former bands (possibly) If we do split mid tour, we'll loose our management and record contract thus being sued for a second time. And I dont need that right now! We've been offered the Hatebreed tour next year but now it might not happen. My voice is fucked. Our manager's being a cunt. And Im just plain fed up. But this is'nt really whats bothering me. No. Ill revise. This really is'nt whats 'getting' to me. Whats getting to me is the fact that all this shit is making me more and more numb to everything. Everything that I held dear to me or loved has now been either been replaced with hatred or anger or just leaves me feeling dead, hollow, like ive been carved out of wood. Sunday morning. The guy with the short black hair and split cheek conected with my head almost text-book like. I lost my balance and fell. I shut my eyes and braced myself for the crunch of my head hitting the slabs. It didnt come. Instead I opened my eyes and saw a countless, glinting, infinity of stars... I used to stare at them for so long, and just let myself get completely lost. This time there was nothing. Not a glimmer of interest. Like a spoilt child with an unwanted toy on Christmas day. Bored.
This pissed me off and made everthing that I hate flood into my head like a tidal wave. People, places, events, humans in general. Not one good factor slipped in. Sad really.
Recently my dad told me that a couple of years ago my grans house got broken into. Amongst the things that were taken were my Grandads WW2 medals. Now, my dad never knew his father. While on holiday in 1958, when my dad was 4 he had a nightmare and went to sleep in his fathers room. In the morning he tried really hard to wake him, but couldnt. He had suffered a heart attack in his sleep and died. My dad didnt know what to do and why he wasnt waking up.
I cant even imagine what that must feel like. This is pretty much the only thing that really chokes me up when ever I think about it.
Ive never even seen a picture of my grandad and I dont think my dad has one, so those medals he really cherrished. Those medals for bravery, saving people he never knew, escaping a German POW camp and 3 I cant recall. Worthless to any except my Gran, my dad and me. Not worth a penny.
Ild give anything to meet him. Just 5 seconds. Just enough time to shake his hand and tell him my dad really misses him.
(Meeting the cunt that took them comes a close second.) But at the end of the day all this just re-enforces my pure, unmittigated hatred for this world. This may sound selfish but I really dont give a shit about anyone who doesnt give a shit about me. Maybe evil and a bit twisted but if I saw a starving dog and a starving baby in the street. Ild feed the dog. People kill people kill people kill people. Now I dont personly adopt this policy but its undeniable that its in our nature to destroy ourselves. We're all going to hell in a handbasket and this media run lilttle planet with its wars, religion and fucked up ecosystem has left me numb and detatched from the world I once thought it was. The one I saw when I was a kid. So now I resent it.
ps.On a lighter note: theres a couple more pics under live n promo if you're interested...? Big thanks to Mark from Kerrang! for them.
xxxxxxxxxxxxx
Like you hadnt guessed!
Good gig tonite.
Shit atmosphere.
Everyone seemed to give it 110% and the crowd loved it. Appart from that it sucked.
Im not mentioning any names, because nothings official. But all of you who know me will know what bands Im talking about. Well, former bands (possibly) If we do split mid tour, we'll loose our management and record contract thus being sued for a second time. And I dont need that right now! We've been offered the Hatebreed tour next year but now it might not happen. My voice is fucked. Our manager's being a cunt. And Im just plain fed up. But this is'nt really whats bothering me. No. Ill revise. This really is'nt whats 'getting' to me. Whats getting to me is the fact that all this shit is making me more and more numb to everything. Everything that I held dear to me or loved has now been either been replaced with hatred or anger or just leaves me feeling dead, hollow, like ive been carved out of wood. Sunday morning. The guy with the short black hair and split cheek conected with my head almost text-book like. I lost my balance and fell. I shut my eyes and braced myself for the crunch of my head hitting the slabs. It didnt come. Instead I opened my eyes and saw a countless, glinting, infinity of stars... I used to stare at them for so long, and just let myself get completely lost. This time there was nothing. Not a glimmer of interest. Like a spoilt child with an unwanted toy on Christmas day. Bored.
This pissed me off and made everthing that I hate flood into my head like a tidal wave. People, places, events, humans in general. Not one good factor slipped in. Sad really.
Recently my dad told me that a couple of years ago my grans house got broken into. Amongst the things that were taken were my Grandads WW2 medals. Now, my dad never knew his father. While on holiday in 1958, when my dad was 4 he had a nightmare and went to sleep in his fathers room. In the morning he tried really hard to wake him, but couldnt. He had suffered a heart attack in his sleep and died. My dad didnt know what to do and why he wasnt waking up.
I cant even imagine what that must feel like. This is pretty much the only thing that really chokes me up when ever I think about it.
Ive never even seen a picture of my grandad and I dont think my dad has one, so those medals he really cherrished. Those medals for bravery, saving people he never knew, escaping a German POW camp and 3 I cant recall. Worthless to any except my Gran, my dad and me. Not worth a penny.
Ild give anything to meet him. Just 5 seconds. Just enough time to shake his hand and tell him my dad really misses him.
(Meeting the cunt that took them comes a close second.) But at the end of the day all this just re-enforces my pure, unmittigated hatred for this world. This may sound selfish but I really dont give a shit about anyone who doesnt give a shit about me. Maybe evil and a bit twisted but if I saw a starving dog and a starving baby in the street. Ild feed the dog. People kill people kill people kill people. Now I dont personly adopt this policy but its undeniable that its in our nature to destroy ourselves. We're all going to hell in a handbasket and this media run lilttle planet with its wars, religion and fucked up ecosystem has left me numb and detatched from the world I once thought it was. The one I saw when I was a kid. So now I resent it.
ps.On a lighter note: theres a couple more pics under live n promo if you're interested...? Big thanks to Mark from Kerrang! for them.
xxxxxxxxxxxxx
VIEW 12 of 12 COMMENTS
pretty_kitty:
sweetie that sucks ( big hugs ) somtimes the world is fucked up well is all the time, but u have to try and see beyond that, live for u and wat u want to do in life, 
btw i didnt realise u were in a band wats it called lol? mucho love x x x x x x
btw i didnt realise u were in a band wats it called lol? mucho love x x x x x x
vicky:
Just make sure you let me know when you're playing London next!