Apocalyptic Dreams
So I had a really weird and terrifying dream last night. The first part of it was work related and, as much as I can recall of it, seemed to be rather comedic. The entire dream was very vivid and this fact is what made the ending of it especially disturbing.
After the hijinks of the majority of the dream, I was walking with my coworker out of work and to our separate cars in the parking lot. On our way we were discussing the flooding on the island, as it seemed to have rained while we were inside. Just as we were saying our goodbyes and were getting into our cars there was a white blinding light. Then everything went red. A moment later there was an absolutely deafening BOOM. Odd as it may seem, I actually felt my ears hurt and then begin ringing. Confused, I looked over at my coworker. Her mouth was gapped open and her eyes wide with fear. I turned to my left and went numb at what I saw. Rising above the houses of LBI, apparently from somewhere on the beach, was a humongous mushroom cloud!
I don't know what it is like in real life to suddenly realize that for no apparent reason you are going to die. I imagine that how I felt in this dream comes somewhere close to it and I hope it's an experience that I never have to actually have. After the immediate dumbfounded thought of "NO! NO! WHY IS THIS HAPPENING? My only desire was to get to my wife. In my head, I knew that she was at home and without hesitation, I wanted to get to her. There was no hope in my mind of survival, but if we were going to be killed, I didn't want to be apart.
Panicked I tried to drive, desperately attempting to get home. With nothing but a few short turns in the parking lot, I saw the shock wave coming. It was a white cloud of destruction coming right at me, eating up houses, and moving faster than I possibly could. As I looked on, I thought, "This is how you are going to die. It shouldn't be this way. It just shouldn't be this way. As the wave swept closer, I screamed out, "NO! NO! NO! NO!"
Then it hit me. There was a white flash as I was killed and then nothing. THAT WAS THE SCARRIEST PART! There was no pain, no more noise, no smell, taste, or sight. I was not met by heaven, hell, or anything else. There was a complete lack of feeling, absolute darkness, and a hollow emptiness.
What made the dream so shocking was how vivid it was. In most dreams, everything is rather hazy and if something happens, where you might die, you inevitably wake up before you do. In this case, I did not. When I was overcome by the blast, I was left in a state of nothingness, and for a few moments, I STAYED THERE! I DIED!
When I finally did wake up I didn't scream at first. There was a gasp of breath for sure, but in the first couple of seconds, it wasn't apparent that I was not still dead. Finally, I realized that I was alive and began screaming my wife's name. I can't describe how overcome with joy I was to see her alive and well. I grabbed her as tightly as I could. Startled, as she was to be jarred awake in that way, she calmly listened to the crazed visions of my subconscious mind and comforted me back to sleep.
I don't know what my death will be like. I hope and pray that it is not like this. If I take nothing else away from this experience, I've learned that I will not submit easily to an unfair and random end, and that in the last moments I know where and with whom I want to be.
So I had a really weird and terrifying dream last night. The first part of it was work related and, as much as I can recall of it, seemed to be rather comedic. The entire dream was very vivid and this fact is what made the ending of it especially disturbing.
After the hijinks of the majority of the dream, I was walking with my coworker out of work and to our separate cars in the parking lot. On our way we were discussing the flooding on the island, as it seemed to have rained while we were inside. Just as we were saying our goodbyes and were getting into our cars there was a white blinding light. Then everything went red. A moment later there was an absolutely deafening BOOM. Odd as it may seem, I actually felt my ears hurt and then begin ringing. Confused, I looked over at my coworker. Her mouth was gapped open and her eyes wide with fear. I turned to my left and went numb at what I saw. Rising above the houses of LBI, apparently from somewhere on the beach, was a humongous mushroom cloud!
I don't know what it is like in real life to suddenly realize that for no apparent reason you are going to die. I imagine that how I felt in this dream comes somewhere close to it and I hope it's an experience that I never have to actually have. After the immediate dumbfounded thought of "NO! NO! WHY IS THIS HAPPENING? My only desire was to get to my wife. In my head, I knew that she was at home and without hesitation, I wanted to get to her. There was no hope in my mind of survival, but if we were going to be killed, I didn't want to be apart.
Panicked I tried to drive, desperately attempting to get home. With nothing but a few short turns in the parking lot, I saw the shock wave coming. It was a white cloud of destruction coming right at me, eating up houses, and moving faster than I possibly could. As I looked on, I thought, "This is how you are going to die. It shouldn't be this way. It just shouldn't be this way. As the wave swept closer, I screamed out, "NO! NO! NO! NO!"
Then it hit me. There was a white flash as I was killed and then nothing. THAT WAS THE SCARRIEST PART! There was no pain, no more noise, no smell, taste, or sight. I was not met by heaven, hell, or anything else. There was a complete lack of feeling, absolute darkness, and a hollow emptiness.
What made the dream so shocking was how vivid it was. In most dreams, everything is rather hazy and if something happens, where you might die, you inevitably wake up before you do. In this case, I did not. When I was overcome by the blast, I was left in a state of nothingness, and for a few moments, I STAYED THERE! I DIED!
When I finally did wake up I didn't scream at first. There was a gasp of breath for sure, but in the first couple of seconds, it wasn't apparent that I was not still dead. Finally, I realized that I was alive and began screaming my wife's name. I can't describe how overcome with joy I was to see her alive and well. I grabbed her as tightly as I could. Startled, as she was to be jarred awake in that way, she calmly listened to the crazed visions of my subconscious mind and comforted me back to sleep.
I don't know what my death will be like. I hope and pray that it is not like this. If I take nothing else away from this experience, I've learned that I will not submit easily to an unfair and random end, and that in the last moments I know where and with whom I want to be.