Im having a harder time with my move to Arizona than I previously thought. There's a lot to worry about but it's not really that that is bothering me.
Im trying to remember the last time I made a real friend that wasn't somebody I intended on having a relationship with. Its been since the beginning of high school, and even those friends I dont talk to anymore. Ive convinced myself that I forgot how to open up and make friends. I dont even think I know how to do it. Whenever I go out (which has been rare) I feel awkward. I was hoping I could get into school right away after moving here so I could make friends on my own terms, and not only be around my boyfriends friends. They're nice people, and I like them a lot, but I have no common ground with them. They have all been friends since elementary school and then there's me.
Last night was our "friend" Myko's 21st birthday. I didnt really want to go to begin with, just because I was feeling kind of sick yesterday. (Dont mix dark chocolate and root beer.) But we went anyway, but I felt like I wasnt there. Normally when I go to a party where there will be alcohol I will drink and have fun. But I dont feel like I can do that if John (boyfriend) is there. See, he doesnt drink, its something he despises, and I completely understand the way he thinks, but Im not changing who I am and what I like for it. But anyway, we were there last night, and everyone would ask everyone else if they would want a shot of this, or a can of that, but never me. No one asked me anything. I guess everyone assumed since John and I are dating that I have the same major interests as him. I really wish they would keep me seperate from him in that sense.
I had a bit of a breakdown once we got back from the party. I feel like my entire life is trapped in this apartment. I dont have a job yet (although a few are lined up I think), the only friend I have that I can really talk to I live with, so if I feel like I need to talk to someone about things between my boyfriend and I, I dont have anyone to.
Im the most unhappy happy person right now.
Im trying to remember the last time I made a real friend that wasn't somebody I intended on having a relationship with. Its been since the beginning of high school, and even those friends I dont talk to anymore. Ive convinced myself that I forgot how to open up and make friends. I dont even think I know how to do it. Whenever I go out (which has been rare) I feel awkward. I was hoping I could get into school right away after moving here so I could make friends on my own terms, and not only be around my boyfriends friends. They're nice people, and I like them a lot, but I have no common ground with them. They have all been friends since elementary school and then there's me.
Last night was our "friend" Myko's 21st birthday. I didnt really want to go to begin with, just because I was feeling kind of sick yesterday. (Dont mix dark chocolate and root beer.) But we went anyway, but I felt like I wasnt there. Normally when I go to a party where there will be alcohol I will drink and have fun. But I dont feel like I can do that if John (boyfriend) is there. See, he doesnt drink, its something he despises, and I completely understand the way he thinks, but Im not changing who I am and what I like for it. But anyway, we were there last night, and everyone would ask everyone else if they would want a shot of this, or a can of that, but never me. No one asked me anything. I guess everyone assumed since John and I are dating that I have the same major interests as him. I really wish they would keep me seperate from him in that sense.
I had a bit of a breakdown once we got back from the party. I feel like my entire life is trapped in this apartment. I dont have a job yet (although a few are lined up I think), the only friend I have that I can really talk to I live with, so if I feel like I need to talk to someone about things between my boyfriend and I, I dont have anyone to.
Im the most unhappy happy person right now.
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i'll still buy you a beer
U'RE VERY CUTE