affecta

I've thought about it and I don't think it's ego-feeding. I think it's something else, undefined. Fall is coming and I adore what it brings with it, trips to California and halloween and concerts and I just noticed that there's a bottle of Wild Turkey more than half-gone. It's not mine. I suppose he's been drinking it. Beautiful novel waiting for me behind me, I...
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I will be making no personal trips in the coming months. I'm being responsible and paying down bils. I will be right here in my hometown reading and working and drinking with my famous awesome friends. Rough patches pop up in love. Sometimes they pop up for years. You weather them out or you bail. I'm not the girl who bails anymore. I'm the one...
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I am working on developing a program which is like cooking from scratch. There is alot of detailed work going into what I'm doing. I'm not sure why I'm doing it. I suppose it's because I can, because I love the people I am doing it for, because I want to create something out of nothing. It's one of the most difficult things 've ever...
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I am trying to sober up. Fuck, fuck, fuck. I cannot. I don't think I have ever drank this much. I haven't. Sober sober sober. drunken texts and shit. ugh. I drank a lot of tequila and I hate tequila. I danced with a lot of people I can't even see faces. Seriously I cannot. Awful, awfull. awful. Please no hangover.

It took a near-Herculean effort, but I got VIP package tickets to Tori. I am so thrilled over the moon. I don't think my brain has taken it all in yet, as it took almost all of yesterday and part of today to secure these. I have never met Tori and now I will get to. Words fail me.

I cannot believe that I am still headed in the career-direction I'm headed in. When I was 16, I tried to quit my first job and they wouldn't let me. I stayed until it became too much for me to take. Now over 12 years later, I want to walk and I'm too afraid to do it. I'm headed for success but it's not the...
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I love the west coast.
It feels like home.
The air is beautifully sharp
and the tap water is delicious.
Too bad I actually live in the east.
I don't think I will for much longer.
There's a history in the west.

Sherman Alexie autographed a book for me.
Kim Addonizio's new book sits on my nighstand, next to Natsuo Kirino's.
I never thought I'd...
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It's awful when the personal collides with the profesional, donthcha think? I loathe it. It's tacky. It's like waiting for a special day to wear your best jewelery or dress. Tacky. Turns out, if I speak my mind at work - They actually listen. Who knew?

I like my home kept immaculately clean yet I've no time to clean. And the three minutes I'm typing this won't buy me any more time. I used to have to-do lists that could be finished within a day, now I can't finish them in a week. 16 working days until vacation. I don't know what I'm going to do with myself when I don't...
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You are ten feet away from me playing sad songs and I am weeping inside. Outside, I am stoic and lost again. Exes three times over call me and tell me stories of their current affairs gone sour and I am picking up the pieces of your life when I cannot remember where I left mine.