Eating with someone for the first time is always dreadful.
I take small bites.
I dab at my mouth as if I am in a french restaurant.
I do not order pie, or rather I
just order the pie.
I save my habit of ordering dessert at the same time as my meal
for later dates when he's already fucked me,
after I've seen his... Read More
I think "growing up" is melding who you are and what you have expereineced with what you continue to experience. It can be difficult when your experiences past and new are opposite. It can be difficult when your attitudes are opposite, pessimist and optimist. It can be difficult when your finances alter, getting by to retirement funds and new car leases. It can be difficult... Read More
2007 is the year. Good things are happening in January and better things are coming to us in February. I'm willing prosperity and good fortune and continued success. February 2007 is going to be a phenomenal month.
I tried for a long time to will myself out of my "city". I tried to be other places mentally. I pushed for moves. I pushed for change. And all the while, I wasn't watching and he was succeeding. I was taking class after class, lusting for independence and he was succeeding. And one morning I awoke to his success. In a city where young poeple leave and bemoan their lack of oppurtunity he carved out a niche for himself that I'd never dreamed possible. So in February 2007 I no longer live off of his parents or my parents money. He is so successful, my own career choices are no longer driven my a need for independence because that's not what I need. That's what I always had. I find solace in myself. Alone. In stories and imagiined plot twists. And now I no longer have to do that.
With days left before he embarks on a future so big it carries me if I so choose, I have to tout him as a visionary, as a man who gets things accomplished. His feet are on the ground and they always have been. It does not matter where I have been to him. It was a long three years and it was harder than anyone ever knew. He gets his rewards, which are many. I get hope and a chance for a life I'd never dreamed possible. To say I am in awe of him would be an understatement. What a silly, silly girl I've been.
I say I will not do this. I will not get involved. I will show up, be nice, go home. I always get involved in the drama. I always overbook myself and stretch myself thin. Like I needed four martinis last night and a two hour gym session this morning. Who the hell do I think I am? It keeps me distracted from my goals,... Read More
So I'm in physical therapy two days a week or it'll be a "boot cast" for me. Only have I had time to breathe since yesterday. I don't know what you're taling about.
I've gotten more tattoo work done. It's all wonderful and fresh, unlike my mood this December. My hair is highlighted and bobbed. I couldn't be happier. I did it about a month ago. I heart it. I had all my acrylic nails removed about a month ago too. Tired of that shit. I listen to the new Gwen album all the time. I work and... Read More