so i wrote a friend whos in jail discussing how ive grown up a bit in the relationship category. and my reaction to his reaction has been on my mind.
with my last relationship i NEEDED him all the time.i honestly thought everything was over for me. i was very lost when we FINALLY called it quits. but after time i was ok. i rediscovered myself. i feel that ive grown up and that i dont need anyone to be happy. i love my boyfriend immensely and god forbid something happened and we broke up i know that it would hurt alot and i would be crushed but i would be OK. maybe after all the heartbreak and turning out ok i have that better view. i know now that no matter what happens to me i will be ok. it doesnt mean i cant feel love and devotion towards someone. it doesnt mean that im not forever with someone just because its ok. i dont think you need to feel that you will die without someone to be with them. maybe i feel this way because of my knowledge of grief and death. that times heals those wounds of losing someone.
also the topic of soul mates. i dont believe in them. there is not one person who you are meant to be with. im sorry too many people for that to be a possibility. also if i believe in soul mates i believe in souls which means i believe in heaven and hell which means i believe in god and i do not believe in god. i dont think you have a destiny. you make your own life with choices along the way. yes i think that the choices ive made have made me into the person i am and i am grateful for the experiences ive had be them good or bad. but i do not believe that i was destined to take this path. i chose this path. not some omnipresent force i cant see.
i dont know but he just got me thinking. he made it sound like i had given up hope and that there isnt a point to being with someone if you cant live with out them. that the love you share isnt great enough if i dont think ill die without him. i love my boyfriend more than anyone ive ever loved. its also a different love than my other loves. he is everything ive needed wanted and asked for. he is even at times what i didnt know i needed but did. but just because i feel like if something happened i would be ok, i would survive, if our wedding plans didnt go through for some reason yes it would suck, i would be crushed, yes it would hurt more than any other hurt but i would live. just because i feel that doesnt mean im settling. fuck if i was willing to settle i would have settled a long ass time ago for one of the guys in college.
i do have a tendency to see life as much more cut and dry than most people. being an atheist has brought be that view. we are organisms. we grow we fuck we fight we eat we mate we reproduce. feed mate kill repeat. down at our core thats what we are. maybe i like this because its easier. but it works for me. i still have a child in me. i still have a sense of wonder and magic. if anyone does i do. but im in wonder of the world around me and the natural world that i live in and come from.
i guess my jailbird kinda irritated me with his interpretation of my rambling. but so is the way of written letter and not spoken words.
some days i think ill get rid of text messages for the lack of actually talking to my friends.
anyway, i would like more feedback.
with my last relationship i NEEDED him all the time.i honestly thought everything was over for me. i was very lost when we FINALLY called it quits. but after time i was ok. i rediscovered myself. i feel that ive grown up and that i dont need anyone to be happy. i love my boyfriend immensely and god forbid something happened and we broke up i know that it would hurt alot and i would be crushed but i would be OK. maybe after all the heartbreak and turning out ok i have that better view. i know now that no matter what happens to me i will be ok. it doesnt mean i cant feel love and devotion towards someone. it doesnt mean that im not forever with someone just because its ok. i dont think you need to feel that you will die without someone to be with them. maybe i feel this way because of my knowledge of grief and death. that times heals those wounds of losing someone.
also the topic of soul mates. i dont believe in them. there is not one person who you are meant to be with. im sorry too many people for that to be a possibility. also if i believe in soul mates i believe in souls which means i believe in heaven and hell which means i believe in god and i do not believe in god. i dont think you have a destiny. you make your own life with choices along the way. yes i think that the choices ive made have made me into the person i am and i am grateful for the experiences ive had be them good or bad. but i do not believe that i was destined to take this path. i chose this path. not some omnipresent force i cant see.
i dont know but he just got me thinking. he made it sound like i had given up hope and that there isnt a point to being with someone if you cant live with out them. that the love you share isnt great enough if i dont think ill die without him. i love my boyfriend more than anyone ive ever loved. its also a different love than my other loves. he is everything ive needed wanted and asked for. he is even at times what i didnt know i needed but did. but just because i feel like if something happened i would be ok, i would survive, if our wedding plans didnt go through for some reason yes it would suck, i would be crushed, yes it would hurt more than any other hurt but i would live. just because i feel that doesnt mean im settling. fuck if i was willing to settle i would have settled a long ass time ago for one of the guys in college.
i do have a tendency to see life as much more cut and dry than most people. being an atheist has brought be that view. we are organisms. we grow we fuck we fight we eat we mate we reproduce. feed mate kill repeat. down at our core thats what we are. maybe i like this because its easier. but it works for me. i still have a child in me. i still have a sense of wonder and magic. if anyone does i do. but im in wonder of the world around me and the natural world that i live in and come from.
i guess my jailbird kinda irritated me with his interpretation of my rambling. but so is the way of written letter and not spoken words.
some days i think ill get rid of text messages for the lack of actually talking to my friends.
anyway, i would like more feedback.
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
I believe in soul mates. I believe you can have more than one soul mate.
I don't believe in hell.
I believe in G-d, but not the stereotypical God.
To me, G-d laid the foundations but humans and animals built and are building the actual structure of the world.
I believe in free will, fully.
I don't think soul mates assume a predetermined meeting, some may never meet a soul mate. A soul mate may not even be a lover but a dear friend, a life-changing teacher, someone with whom you feel a connection deeper than generic relationships and sporadic friends.
The main thing I believe, though, is that NO ONE is certain. Not atheists or Christians, Muslims or Wiccans, not even my fellow Jews. No one. Everyone has a belief and runs with it, that is a beautiful thing.
I love my partner, but I could live without him. I wouldn't die if we broke up. That's just life. That's not to say that I'm not entirely in love - but I think that it's important to be realistic about things, lest you destroy yourself in the end.