This morning, just before noon, my divorce was finalized. After a grueling 13½ months since the date of separation the stress and strain of the impending divorce is over. Though I didn't get what I would call a "100% victory" I still essentially came out on top. I stood up for what I thought was right, did the right things, and though I wasn't rewarded as well as I believed I should have been, the mess is over and I can say it's "done."
This has been an extremely dark and surreal year. I've been ready to die for a good half of it, and things got seriously ugly several times. The moment this trial was over there was a sense of relief, knowing that no more legal battles were to ensue. I no longer had to monitor my inbox for forwarded correspondence from my wife's lawyer that would do nothing less than make my blood boil. The anxiety of wondering what was coming next to complicate matters would no longer be an issue. The fear of losing at a settlement conference or at trial was moot. I could move forward.
The reality of all of this hasn't fully sunk in yet. It's been over a year of "I'm getting divorced," "I'm in the process of a divorce," I'm currently undergoing an unnecessarily messy divorce," My soon-to-be ex-wife." To say "I'm divorced" and "My ex-wife" is a new concept, and feels strange. I have no idea when it will finally feel right, and be normal. Or If things will ever right again for me. This entire experience has left me confused and burned out, weary even. I don't know if pursuing love, marriage, or a family is worth it anymore. I can't go through this again.
Whatever happens, I'm just glad this is over.
