crazy thoughts, this drunken evening in hollywood. staying in. considering options.
work is seemingly slim. it looks as thought many clients, potential and otherwise, are wringing their budgets, hesitant to spend. i've been immune to this recession for a good while, yet it seems to be catching up. what once were certain gigs are fewer and far between. entirely too many "maybes" in ye olde ledger to get a good sleep. this is no good.
i have to consider options. i've concluded i'm not necessarily built for the typical world. i'm not a 9 to 5 kinda guy, dolly. it's never worked out very well, despite my better efforts. god knows i've tried - somewhat halfassed, admittedly - but fuck all that. and, frankly, i'm a bit fed up with this world. either work for some dickhead CD trying to tell me how to write code; or left to my own devices; neither of which seem to go particularly well.
so what, then? buy the ticket, take the ride - as the good doctor said.
this is my consideration.
FUCK.
IT.
ALL.
the fiance has a fine house in vegas. my beloved rottweiler is there. my beloved casinos are there. give it all up. pack up the shit i love, send it that way, leave the car, take the harley. ride around and be a gambler in that decadent place. required expenses are nearly quartered. it's me, after all. i cannot deny what i became in my half-decade there. give it all up, fuck it all, be a gambler. it's worth a shot. i considered it previously, but the times ... were not as dire. now, though ... i've fully realized my place. very small. i live, really, for only her ... and our messy, slobbering, destructive little boy.
perhaps it took turning 30 to truly accept it all.
the remainder of this month and the next will dictate what happens. god help us all.
work is seemingly slim. it looks as thought many clients, potential and otherwise, are wringing their budgets, hesitant to spend. i've been immune to this recession for a good while, yet it seems to be catching up. what once were certain gigs are fewer and far between. entirely too many "maybes" in ye olde ledger to get a good sleep. this is no good.
i have to consider options. i've concluded i'm not necessarily built for the typical world. i'm not a 9 to 5 kinda guy, dolly. it's never worked out very well, despite my better efforts. god knows i've tried - somewhat halfassed, admittedly - but fuck all that. and, frankly, i'm a bit fed up with this world. either work for some dickhead CD trying to tell me how to write code; or left to my own devices; neither of which seem to go particularly well.
so what, then? buy the ticket, take the ride - as the good doctor said.
this is my consideration.
FUCK.
IT.
ALL.
the fiance has a fine house in vegas. my beloved rottweiler is there. my beloved casinos are there. give it all up. pack up the shit i love, send it that way, leave the car, take the harley. ride around and be a gambler in that decadent place. required expenses are nearly quartered. it's me, after all. i cannot deny what i became in my half-decade there. give it all up, fuck it all, be a gambler. it's worth a shot. i considered it previously, but the times ... were not as dire. now, though ... i've fully realized my place. very small. i live, really, for only her ... and our messy, slobbering, destructive little boy.
perhaps it took turning 30 to truly accept it all.
the remainder of this month and the next will dictate what happens. god help us all.