aegiswings

Goths vs Ravers

I actually was planning on coming here and writing about what a horrible disaster my night was, but now I don't know if it really was so bad anymore. Well, I suppose it was bit of a disaster, but its a disaster with a punch line now. With a surprise ending, sort of like The Matrix, or actually more sort of like Vanilla Sky (ugh, what a bad movie).

For those of you who are just tuning in, this all involves a girl named Erika that I met at a party two weeks ago. She asked me for my number, we exchanged digits, and I finally got in touch with her on Thursday. She told me she was going to a rave on Friday and invited me along. I told her I was supposed to go to xmortis (goth night) but that I would think about it...

Well, I e-mailed Erika this afternoon and I told her that I had decided on going to the rave instead of xmortis and I asked her if she needed a ride, as I knew she lived in Malden and doesn't have a car. It was 10:00pm and I was just about to head out the door when she called me. She told me that she would appreciate a ride and I agreed to pick her up. We chatted for a little bit and I learned a lot of things that explained some of the odd things about her that I noticed before. For one, she doesn't have a cell phone which explained why she never picked up when I called -- it's a pager, you can't answer it! And she lives at home with her parents. (She's 24 for those of you who are wondering). ok, That doesn't really explain anything. She also talked about her friend Josh and how he was away on vacation with his gf right now and how they like to cuddle non-sexually, even though he has an open relationship with his gf, and the she likes it because he is safe... ok, why are you telling me this?! Anyways, I picked her up at about 11pm and we headed to Cambridge. She was hungry so we stopped at Pinnochio's for some pizza and my car almost got towed. I had to pay the tow guy $50 so he wouldn't take my car away . Ouch.

I noticed that she seemed a little bit distracted in the car. She seemed like something was bothering her and as if she was in an unhappy mood. She admitted that something happened 6 weeks ago involving a friend that she was upset about but that didn't want to talk about it. I didn't push her to, of course. She said she'd prefer not to talk about herself cause she wasn't in a good mood. I think she is unemployed and currently looking for a job... I'm not exactly sure. I know what that is like from experience, though, so I could empathize. She said to me that she just wanted to see her friends and hug them. She said, "I don't need a boyfriend or a relationship, I just need hugs."
When she did talk, I noticed that she was very *strange*. On the surface though, and in a good way. She darted from topic to topic, she burst into song randomly on occasion, and said "woot" a lot for no apparent reason. For a brief moment I thought she might be autistic or ADHD something. But nah, shes just weird. And I love weird people.

We got to the rave at about midnight. It was outside covered by a tent at an American Legion post right on the Charles River. It was my first time ever at a rave. Now I know where the modern-day hippies go. There were lots of guys with long unwashed dreds, beards, baggy pants, old T-shirts, and hemp jewelry. And they kind of smelled. At one point in my life, I could have ended up going down that path and becoming a hippie but I wasn't exposed to it enough, I suppose, and now I don't get it at all. Like, I really don't understand their fashion sense (what fashion sense, please?!). I guess I've been a goth too long now, lol. I like to dress up and go out and look good. Not like I just hiked across Yosemite. I wore a nice pair of tan shorts and a Homestarrunner T-shirt. You can't go wrong with homestarrunner. I don't even know how to dance like a raver. (yah, its not hard just hop around, move your hands really fast and everyone is like "wow").

Erika was really happy to be there. The change in her mood was magical. She suddenly got really excited and *ran* and hugged everyone she saw (and she seemed to know them all). I guess had we gone to xmortis it would have been the opposite (me knowing everyone and her knowing no one). I knew that Erika didn't drink at all and I didn't want her to feel awkward if I drank, so I was sneaky and drank two beers when she wasn't looking. Not that she paid much attention to me anyways. She spent the whole time greating and hugging all her friends. She seemed to know everyone there while I was mostly left by myself, knowing no one.

Eventually, I felt a little more comfortable and I began to dance. Just as I was getting used to it, it was 2am and time to go. I had offered to drive her home and she told me she wasn't up for an after-party but would tell me where there was one if I wanted to go. I said it was ok as I wasn't going to go to an after-party by myself where I didn't know a single person. Anyways, by 2:30am (I was still hanging out there waiting for her to finish chatting with all of her friends) she had changed her mind and decided that we should go to a party. Honestly, I really wanted to go to a party. I wasn't ready to go home yet. I was still almost completely sober and a little bit bored. She told me about a boy that she was hitting on and then when the lights came on she realized he was really young, probably still a teenager (oops, she said). But again, why are you telling me this?! It was after 3am when we finally left for the party. It was at a house in Medford not very far from where I live in Somerville.

The after-party was much better that the rave, as I actually got to talk to people. They also played Pink Floyd, and I love Pink Floyd (and my goth friends hate them). In the car on the way to the party, Erika told me that she had finally gotten over her ex-bf (oh no... not this again!). She looks at his picture now and nothing. She said it took her 2 years. (And they had been dating 2 years). As we arrived at the party, Erika said to me, "This [Chinese boy], I dunno, he's kind of good looking, but he is so weird." (He was in the car in front of us, heading to the party too.) He's from mainland China and he misses a lot of cultural references so he comes off awkward and strange. The second we got to the after-party I noticed he was hitting on her. They were sitting together and cuddling. The party was pretty much a pizza place anyways, as I think there were 3 girls there and maybe 8 guys. Everyone sat around and smoked pot. I don't smoke and neither does Erika though. I had a bottle of Jager in my car which I brought in, and people drank that although I didn't have any myself. A lof of the guys seemed to be flirting with Erika. I pretty much stayed out of it. One guy in particular, buddhist-monk guy (really a tibetan monk, so sex is *ok*) took a liking to her. Later on in the night...at maybe 5am or so, I saw her making out with Chinese boy on the couch. "What am I doing here, This is just great" I remember thinking to myself. Buddhist-monk guy was sitting right there next to her. I know he must have been bothered by this too. Dirty-hippy guy commented to her... "Everytime I see you, you are making out with a different guy!" Buddhist monk guy, Dirty hippy guy and Erika were having a conversation about incest. Perhaps the worst topic you can have with anyone at any time, but certaintly not a party topic! Erika ended up getting really pissed off. I tried to ignore it and meditated. It was pissing me off too.

A little bit later, Chinese boy got up, and Buddhist-monk guy seized the opportunity and made-out with her. Later on, Chinese boy came back and they made out again. At this point, I went and stood in the kitchen. Most people were falling asleep by then, but I was wide awake, only pretending to sleep on occasion or sitting on my knees and meditating. I stared out the window in the kitchen and thought... "it's almost 6am, I'm going to go in there and tell her that I'm going home and offer her a ride if she wants it, but I'm not gonna hang around here any longer. And if I drive her home and it seems like she wants to kiss me goodbye, I'm not going to kiss her, because that is not what I'm looking for. I'm looking for a girl that is interested in only me. Or at least just one guy a night."

I went in at exactly 6am and announced that I was leaving and asked her if she wanted a ride. At the mention of the word "ride" all the dirty hippies who think that cars are the tools of "The Man" and therefore refuse to drive one, perked up and said, "hey, your giving rides? cool man, can I bum one off you?" (well, at least that is how I imagine dirt hippies should sound). Ugh, you dirty hippies, I have an Audi TT coupe. It's a stylish German sportscar. It can fit 2 comfortably even though there is "pretend" backseat no one over 2 feet tall can fit in it. At that point I didn't want to drive any of them home as I wasn't exactly in the best mood. I ended up driving Dirty Hippie guy and Chinese boy to the Davis Sq T stop which actually wasn't that far away in addition to Erika, who I drove home to Melrose. Erika and Chinese boy cuddled in the tiny back seat. I took the turns pretty hard.

And now get ready for the punch line... In the car, Erika comments to me, "wow... I haven't made out with a boy.... in at least 2 months!" (I don't want to hear this but...)
I said, "Heh, that's funny because its been less than 2 months since I last made out with a boy."
She sort of just looked at me.
I clarified, "See, thats sort of ironic because I'm straight. I don't normally make out with boys"
"YOUR NOT GAY???!!!!"
"um, why did you think I was gay??"
"Well, because when I met you, I thought you had said something to Josh about your boyfriend or something. Also and you have a nice car."
"Um, no, I'm completely straight. Ant wtf, having a nice car makes me gay??!!" (not that theres anything wrong with that).
"oh wow, I'm embarassed. I'm really really sorry."

I was annoyed, but mostly because this happens to me all the time. I wasn't annoyed with her in particular, but it kind of meant that I might as well throw the whole night out the window as if it didn't happen. She wasn't treating me as a straight single guy she just met -- she was treating as a new gay friend! Last girl I met that I really liked (Sarah), thought I was gay too actually, and she was already over my house hanging out after ManRay closing when she found out that I was straight! That time at least it was just a few hours instead of 2 weeks. Erika said, "if it makes you feel better, I wouldn't have done anything different if I had known." I think she meant that she would have still called me and hung out with me, not that she would have hit on all those guys and told me about it, lol. But who knows...

When we got to her house, she paused, and looked at me, and said that we should go to a museum together sometime or something (...hmm, wtf?) She said.. "I need to re-integrate you" meaning... now that she knows I'm straight she's going to think of me in a totally different way -- ie. as a potentially datable guy. This is a good thing. It doesn't mean that I'm not going to end up on the friendship ladder, but at least I'm not on the *gay ladder* anymore. She leaned in towards me. In retrospect, I probably should have kissed her, but I remembered my rule, and I hadn't thought far enough to realize that it probably should have been invalidated along with the rest of the night, because that rule was made for "gay-mike". I gave her a hug instead, and told her that I had fun (a lie) and that I think she is really cool (not a lie) and that we should definitely hang out again (the truth) and I wanted to hang out where we could chat and get to know each other better (really the truth). She agreed and told me to call her and said she'd have more time when her classes started up in a couple of weeks.

Now I'm home and its 8am and I'm wide awake and I still don't know what to make of any of this, I know everyone is gonna disagree, but I feel there is potential there. I feel like I would get along with her and we would have fun together. It just wasn't the right environment (with all her friends) to get to know her. Sure, it wasn't exactly polite of her to pretty much leave me alone all night, but since it wasn't a date or anything... it was just a "hey, come to this fun rave" I should haven't expected her to spend time with me. I dunno, I should be more demanding and less of a wuss. And the rave scene itself isn't *that* bad, it would just take me a bit to get used to it. The people who I did meet, even the dirty hippies, were actually really friendly.