aegiswings

ok, let's see. It's a Friday, 5:45, I'm at work, and I'm drunk. ok, I'm not exactly drunk but that shot of Grey Goose hit me pretty hard, empty stomach and all. Fifteen minutes ago I was perfectly sober and working away, when my coworker grabbed Don and I and dragged us to the bar downstairs and bought us vodka shots. Since we are regulars, she didn't skimp on the alcohol. Five minutes later we were back upstairs typing away in our cubes...

Not much"new up with me. First of all, I am horrible at following through with my resolutions. How many times, now, have I said I would stop hanging out with Melissa? (The actual reasons why, of course, being way too complicated to go into detail about) So I was doing pretty well, though - last Thursday she IMs me and says "where you planning on going out tonight?" I wasn't really, so I said I was planning on staying home to take down my Christmas tree. Garbage pickup is on Friday morning, so if I didn't take it down that night, it would be another weekend of it hanging around. I didn't explain to her though. Anyways, that was a subtle way of her saying that she wanted to go out, and she didn't buy my excuse - it probably sounded like a "I have to wash my hair" excuse to her.

So, I went home, and I did take my tree down. I also hung out with my roommie Margaret and we watched The OC, like we do every Thurs night, and she drank a bottle of red wine. Honestly, it was prolly more fun than I'd have hanging out with Melissa. I kind of had a crush on Margaret. But that doesn't mean much - as my brother says about me, "you have a crush on every girl" (Its kinda true).
Melissa IM'ed me - "Are you really gonna stay home and take down your tree???" I didn't get the IM in time - she had logged off. At about midnight she called me - she had gone out anyways and wanted me to talk to her, and keep her company during her walk home. Margaret, who was a bit intoxicated, poked me and said, "let me talk to her! let me talk to her!" They've never actually met before, but I put her on the phone with her. Hilarity ensues.

Anyways, the point is, the more I ignore Melissa the more aggressive she gets. A couple of days later she IMmed and explained how she really did want to hang out that night. She wasn't angry or anything, but she wasn't going to let me forget it. I don't really understand. Really, I'm some type of surrogate bf to her, (in addition to a surrogate gf to her). She's lonely, and I guess she enjoys my company though you could never tell from talking to her. I do enjoy hanging out with her too though, (sometimes) when there aren't "issues". Why does she frustrate me so much though so often?

The conclusion I've draw from this is that what I thought would be easy... saying, "no, I dont want to hang out" and she would just go away, because remember its me who keeps on wanting to hang out with her (not true - as I never call her or ask her out - but thats the way I *see* it) has had the opposite effect and makes her want to hang out more (she was already planning what we'd do next weekend together).

I'll just admit it. As much as I'm pretty sure that she doesn't like me "in that way", I keep on thinking there is a chance, that someday, sometime she will like me in that way. Yes, even with someone with Melissa, I'd give a relationship a chance. Because that is really what I want. A gf, I suppose, someone who likes me. I know it makes me sound more like a woman than a man, but its odd, but true.

enough about tha!. Everytime I write about Melissa, I keep on thinking its going to be last time I'm going to write about her. In reality, there are many other women in my life. I still like Luciana, and even though she lives in Philly we talk on IM every couple days or so. Yesterday I said some romantic sounding things to her in Italian (even though I don't speak it at all). Apparently she understood what I said. Odd, Peter says she doesnt know any Italian. Maybe she was calling my bluff but responding in Italian herself...

Then there is Jack (Jack is a girl!). The girl from New Year's Eve. Oh, I never really told that story did I? Well, I kind of did- look at the end of the Jan 02 entry. I kind of had a bit of a crush on her (surprise surprise!) since I first met her, which was when I first met Margaret, back in June, I suppose that was. She always ignored me though, the couple of times she came over to hang out with Margaret. My New Years Resolution - "to hook up with Jack on New Years Eve" was nothing more than a pipe dream. These things never happen for me. Imagine my surprise when it actually *did* happen this time. Weird. Still, I don't think she was that into me. And she moved to New Mexico for grad school the next day. She'll be back to the east coast sometime though, and I'd really like to hang out with her again. You'd think I'd be all set - with Margaret, my roommate being best friends with her. But, I dunno, I'm so shy, and I can talk to Margaret about *everything* EXCEPT Jack. I just know anything I'd say would make its way back to her. And I just want to say, "hey, would Jack consider going out with a guy like me..." but I know its bad to say that. I dunno.

So recently I've been listening to Franz Ferdinand a whole lot and on their CD they have two songs - one is named "Jacqueline" and the other is named "Michael" (my name) and, I thought, "wow, its fate".
Its ridiculous, just like my jokes about how romantic it would be to move somewhere for a girl (I had a friend that did that - he's married to her now). What I mean by that, is that I'd love to have someone in my life who was that important to me. Important enough so that I'd just leave my life here and move across the country... My brother, always the supportive one said, "Thats the stupidest thing you've ever said". Lol, he's hilarious.

This weekend Margaret's roommate Adam is visiting. Should be fun hanging out with the two of them. If it doesn't snow too hard tomorrow, maybe we'll go into Boston and go crazy, Broadway style.