aegiswings

DRUNKEN RANT DRUNKEN RANT DRUNKEN RANT
(I apologize if this is incoherent)

ok, so I was out tonight. It seems like I haven't gone out in so long, because I had a guest last week and so there was no, just hanging out. So today, definitely, definitely, I knew I had to go out and do something. I wasn't sure what I was going to do and then Melissa called me. AGH! She confuses me. I kind of figured since she just had a final today and since we didn't go out yesterday like we normally do (because of the final) that she would want to go out tonight.

Well, I had no particular idea of what we could do or where we could do, so she recommended the "alternative pub crawl." See, its the Harvard-Yale game tomorrow and thats a big deal for Harvard alumni and one of the events was a pub crawl, and they all were in fanuel hall area, so...
Well, I met her at government center and it was cold and there were lines at all the pub crawl pubs, so we went to... The Rack. Yes, again. The Rack,. I was a little bit surprised. I kind of figured she didn't want to go there. With me. Because there is dancing and whatever. And I distinctly remember last time we went there it didn't go so well (see early entries). Also, I don't think I mentioned this, but last time we hung out (maybe two thursdays ago?) she went on and on about how I am a bad dancer or something (I'm not). I'm not a good dancer, exactly, but anyways, thats a another story.

So I bought her a drink, got myself one. We sat and drank and watched and talked a little. She is the kind of person who thinks too much. I made a comment to my roommate Margaret once that every girl I knew from college was like Paris from Gilmore Girls (how true that is!).

So, we had a couple drinks and waited for the place to liven up a bit., And then we went out on the floor to dance. Here is where it gets confusing. I distinctly remember not being allowed to dance with her or something. Because that would ruin our platonic relationship. Dancing is too sexual. Or whatever she said last time we were at The Rack. But we were dancing. With maybe 3 feet between us. Like they tell the Catholic schoolchildren - "Leave room for the Holy Spirit!" What a weird way to dance. I commented to her that it reminded me of the Uma Thurman/John Travolta dance scene in Pulp Fiction. But she reminded me that we were there so *I* could pick up girls, so that I should go and try to dance with some of them (when we (she) came to that conclusion, I don't know). She was there as my... wingman? To keep me company (she says)? To dance nearby and observe? But to not dance with any guys, cause she said she wasn't interested in the crowd there.

But I am there with her - I don't want to hit on some random girl. That would feel weird - it would be rude. And besides I was having fun with her. And as we dance, we get closer and closer. Close enough so that our bodies touch. Dancing together now, For real. I feel her close to me and its overwhelming. I hate this girl, but I like her, I really like her. What is she doing to me? Why is she such a tease? I don't do anything, I do push her away but I don't push it forward at all. I let her dance with me, and I dance with her, but I keep an awkward distance... even though we are touching, we are already so close.

Something breaks the moment, she goes to the bathroom, I'm dancing by myself, slightly intoxicated. She has hardly drank anything at all. A girl near me spins around and starts dancing close to me. I'm shocked, I don't register what is going on. I dance a little and I flee. I tell Melissa about it a little later. She seems angry that I wussed out. I don't care. I'm having fun anyways.

We take a break from dance. I just sit and relax. Melissa seems annoyed, restless, bored. I knew she wasn't going to stay out until closing - she has a big day tommorrow, The Game tailgates and all. She doesn't seem to be having fun, but I ask her - "this must be boring for you," she says, She came here so I could have fun she says, and I don't seem to be having fun. Its a meat market and I'm not picking up the women. She's dicsouraged, and in a moment she grabs her coat and leaves.

I call her back, I don't want her to leave like this. i briefly explain to her (yet again) - I was having fun. I came here to drink a little, dance a little, and hang out with *her*. She mentioned that we will hang out tomorrow. Tomorrow, Saturday, is going to be her big going out night for this week. She didn't really want to stay out late or drink too much tonight. I neglected to tell her that I am planning on going to the SG Cabaret tomomrrow (instead of hanging out with her). If she really cares to see me tommorrow, she has got to provide me, tell me some kind of reason.