aegiswings

So, I have lots of stories to tell this week... though I'm just going to tell the most interesting one.

Before we begin, for those who have been asking about the eight foot bride (see my earlier entries re Amanda Palmer from The Dresden Dolls) see this article from 1998: Eight Foot Bride

Well, its been a pretty busy weekend so far. Thursday, I went out with Melissa, my ex-roommate's ex-gf again. We went to Rock Bottom and Vox. I had a good time, but it was yet another "non-date". I didn't drink quite as much as last Thursday, but enough to be a little bit hungover at work. I bought Melissa drinks and cheesecake and spent quite a bit of money.

Friday, I was having some drinks with some coworkers after work and my old roommate, Shawn, called me up and invited me over for dinner. I was hoping I could convince him to go out afterwards (as my weekends are precious for socializing!) I stopped home on the way to change and shower and I saw my roommate Margaret was just hanging out watching TV. I asked her what she was up to that night and if she wanted to go out and get crazy-go-drunk with us. She said she was going to hang out with her friend Liz, and they were looking for a decent movie to see (but were having trouble finding one) I told her to call me later if she wanted to hang out, when I would have a better idea what I was doing. Now is a good time to go back and read my Aug 7 entry, just in case who you have forgotten who Margaret is.


I went off to Shawn's place for dinner. I was already way late cause I wasn't supposed to have spent so much time hanging with my coworkers, but that girl from work who I went on that non-dates was there (see prev entries), and sitting next to me, and yeah, I know she already rejected me, but she was laughing at everything I said, and I was having a good time. I'm a bit of an attention whore, and I was entertaining everyone there with some funny stories, and general wacky behavior. When the head of the ops department left he was pointing at me chuckling and saying "this guy here, in the corner, is funny!" I think I made a good impression. Maybe if the dev department ever fires me, I could go work for him.

Even though I was over an hour late to Shawn's dinner, the food wasn't ready yet. In fact, it was like 10pm before we ate. In the meantime Shawn's gf had me do chores around the house. Yeah, I don't like her. She treats me like I'm 5. Since Shawn invited his friend Dave and his wife, it was sort of a couple's thing, and I'm single and anxious to go out, and not sit around and look at Dave's 1100 (yes, that how many he had) wedding pictures. Amy, Shawn's roommate took off herself a bit early to hang with her own friends.

So, let's get to the "fun" part - Margaret calls me up and wants to hang out. Unfortunately, I can't convince Shawn or any of the others to go out and Amy already has other plans. They have no idea where to go, so I tell them to take the bus and meet me in Central Square and I'll drive there and meet them. Now, I've never really hung out with Margaret outside of the apartment (I've only lived with her for 3 months and she usually goes away every weekend) except for that aborted night at ManRay (again, see Aug 7). We go to The Phoenix Landing which is a fun bar with dancing. It's usually pretty crowded on the weekends, but this time it was pretty dead. The bartender told me it was cause everyone went to the Red Sox game. Since there is no cover, and it is right in Central Square, there are some sketchy looking guys that hang out there, but in general its a pretty young crowd. Not the most attractive crowd last night though.

I buy us all a round of drinks. Margaret's friend Liz is cool, but she is really conservative and well, "square" is the best word to describe her. She very rarely drinks, doesn't really dance, she has a boyfriend too, so she wasn't really looking to meet anyone there anyways. She's a good sport though, and I think she was having fun. I bought her a midori sour, and she actually drank half of it.

Margaret, on the other hand, is the complete opposite. I bought her a heiniken and within minutes she was getting down on the dance floor. Not that there was really anyone to dance with though. She spent a lot of time trying to get Liz to loosen up and dance. As time went on, I ended up dancing with Margaret. I had about 4 gin and tonics total, bought Margaret her second beer and things were beginning to get fun. Margaret was having lots of fun, and I was dancing with her too, but it wasn't anything that was going to make things awkward between us, being roommates and all. If things had just stayed like that, I would have considered it a pretty fun night.

Around the time when Margaret started her third beer is when things started getting odd. There was a guy who tried to dance with Margaret and you could tell she wasn't interested in him. He stood between me-and-Liz and Margaret and you could tell she was trying to get around him to get back to us. Right as I was going to go over to save her, she pushes him aside grabs my arm and says "This is my boyfriend" to him. So everything seems to be fine and we continue dancing. There was also this guy right behind us the whole time. He was kind of old looking (ok, not really, he prolly wasn't even 30) and little grimey, just your average wallflower guy in a bar who just stands there and drinks his bud light. About a half an hour earlier he kind of seemed like he wanted to dance with Margaret but she showed no interest in him...

But now it's a half an hour later, and in a flash, he turns Margaret around starts making out with her.
WHAT THE FUCK
I'm not totally clear about exactly what j happened, but one instant Margaret was standing right there next to me and the next she was turned around making out with this guy. No dancing with him first, no talking - just almost violent kissing. She showed no signs of wanting to push him away and Liz and I just stood there dumbfounded. This went out for a couple minutes - actually more then a couple of minutes, and they retreated slowly to the corner of the bar by the emergency exit where they were all over each other. He leaned against the wall and before I knew it, he picked Margaret up, she wrapped her legs around his waist and gyrated against him vigorously. (why does the pool scene in "Showgirls" come to mind?) As you realize, "making out" is not quite the right word for this. ok, no clothes were removed, and no hands went under any clothes, but this was pretty hardcore. Dry humping at its finest. Several people had stopped dancing and were staring, laughing and pointing at them. Now, I don't consider myself a prude, but this was a little extreme.


I didn't know what to do. Margaret was a little drunk (2 1/2 beers doesn't seem like much but maybe thats a lot for her? Maybe she drank at home before we went out?) I couldn't just let this guy take advantage of her - if thats what he was doing - but I'm her roommate, not her father. Liz didn't know what to do either. She went over and tapped her on the shoulder. Margaret continued making out as if Liz wasn't there. Actually, I don't think their faces were ever separated for a moment after they got going Eventually, Margaret stopped long enough to give Liz a really evil look. Like, "what the fuck, don't disturb me, I'm having a good time, let me do what I want." This seemed to go for a while. I dunno if it was 15 minutes or 45 minutes. At some point, Margaret went to the bathroom. The "guy" just stood there. I don't think he ever said a word. No expression on his face. I wonder how sober he was. When Margaret returned, fortunately the guy had moved on, he'd gone to the bathroom himself I believe. Margaret seemed pissed at us for constantly trying to interrupt her and wanted to know where her beer was (she had finished it already and I sure wasn't buying her more). I asked her if she even knew his name. "Ryan" and he was "27". Fair enough, if thats true, but she didn't remember that info an hour later. I really was at a loss how to behave in this situation. Sure, I could have let her do whatever she wanted, but I had no idea how drunk she really was and whether this is normal for her or whether she was going to regret this in the morning. And I was the one who bought her all these beers so I felt a little responsible. It was coupled by the fact that I knew she wouldn't give this guy the time of day in a normal situation - He wasn't particularly good looking, and normlly she is very picky about boys.

The more we tried to talk to her the more she gave us dirty looks and the more she tried to rebel against us. We returned to the dance floor and I thought we were finally out of the fire.

Of course, I was wrong. Margaret was chatting with a chubby guy in a blue shirt, and I figured "good, at least she is talking to guys now." Their conversation lasted about 45 seconds, when bam! once again Margaret is sucking face in the middle of the dance floor.
This guy is even less attractive then the first. Liz tells me to just let it be, and we just sort of stand their and watch. Apparently, this is her idea of a good time, so I'd let her do what she wants, and not judge her behavior, though I certainly wasn't going to let her go home with any of these guys (she wouldn't anyways, but being a guy, I don't *trust* guys)...
Once again they are all over each other. I wonder what their brief conversation was like: "Hi, I'm Margaret, wanna make out?"

In the meantime, I notice two girls next to me, pointing and giggling and the guy Margaret is making out with. I walk up to them, think that he is maybe a friend of theirs and ask them, "Do you know him?"
One replies, "No no, but it looks like he is going to bite her chin off." I turn to look, sure enough, thats what it looks like.

I say, "I don't know him either, but the girl there, that is my roommate." I ask one of them what she would do if that was her friend there with that guy. She thinks and says, "I dunno... I guess I'd let it go on for five minutes and then break them up." The other points out, "Hey, look at his butt crack, thats nasty!" She procedes to lift up the back of his shirt exposing the top of a pasty white ass complete with butt-crack goodness. We start cracking up (no pun intended). He is too "busy" to notice us, and so I get out my camera phone
It takes crappy pictures, especially in dark nightclubs, but I had to give it a shot. As I went to take the second pic, some little asian guy with glasses ran up to him and posed with the buttcrack while sticking up his middle finger. OMG. Was definitely the funniest moment of the night. When I finally get fucking Sprint on the phone, I'll have the pic emailed to me and I'll paste it in here.

Well, eventually they stopped making out and Margaret was left alone, but not for long. She began to grab whatever guy was near her and start dancing with him (whether he was with his gf or not, lol) Margaret is not particularly discriminating at all.
Fortunately we were saved by the bell! 2am and the bar closed and we began to walk back to the car. Even when we weren't in the bar Margaret walked up to every guy we passed.

One guy, across the street called out to her "do I know you?". Quickly, he realized he didn't, but it was too late -Margaret had already beckoned him over and we all began chatting. To be fair, she didn't make out with him, but she started hugging, him, rubbing his back, rubbing up against him, hanging off him etc. He was the nicest guy we met all night (well, ok, the only guy we really met all night), his name was Dave and hes 26 and a dental student. He was a little bit shocked that this random girl was all over him - it seemed like he hadn't had the best day and this really seemed to cheer him up. They chatted, ok, actually I did much of the chatting for Margaret. Liz liked him too, and we got them to exchange phone numbers. Margaret had been so touchy with Dave that he was, um, visibly "excited". Margaret wasted no time in pointing out this fact. "Well, you were rubbing up against me" was his response. "Poing," she flicked it with her finger. (Immediately, I thought of that Dana Carvey comedy routine...) That was enough for me. "You aren't touching this guys genitalia, Margaret, let's go home."


I suppose I was a little rude to Margaret, talking about her right in front of her to Liz as if she wasn't there. I feel like she kind of needed someone to babysit her though. I stopped drinking once this all starting happening, and I had expected that I would be the one to get too drunk and make a fool out of myself.

When we got home, Margaret seemed pretty coherent. We wondered whether she was ever really that drunk at all. I don't really understand her, but I know she doesn't really like boys. What I mean, is that all her friends are women, and she has no interest in having a relationship with a "boy". She isn't a lesbian (we've talked about this), but for her, "boys" are there to make out with at bars and thats about it. Even this nice guy, Dave, well, I'm pretty sure she doesn't really have much of an interest in going out with him. She will go probably meet up with him, if he calls her, but shes not going to contact him. And it almost seemed like Liz and I forced her to exchange numbers with him. Perhaps, while she makes out with random guys in bars she despises men at the same time... Or maybe she's just immature. She is only 21. Of course, who am I to enforce my "views" of what is "normal" behavior on her. Her behavior made me feel awkward though... I'm not sure why. There are likely several reasons, I can think of. First of all, I've said that I'm a misogynist. No, I'm not really one, I love women, but inside I'm a very bitter person, because I have such a horrible record in the dating world. For me, its a huge ordeal to even get a real "date". And when I see how Margaret can go out and make out with 3 guys in one night, while another guy drives her around and pays for all her drinks, it makes me resent women and their ability to play around with men like toys and toss them away. (Sure, I know there are guys that do much worse to women, but thats not me, and I hate them even more) How fitting it was that I played "coin operated boy" for them during the car ride home. Also, probably a little bit of me is attracted to Margaret - even though I know we are so different (we are looking for totally different things). Its sort of the feeling "hey, I'm much cooler than any of these guys in this bar, why isnt she dancing and making out with me". Of course, I know the answer to this - "shes my roommate, of course that isn't going to happen, it would be a *bad* idea and cause way more problems then its worth," but its still difficult to watch. Even, if Margaret wasn't my roommate and I happened to meet her in that bar, I wouldn't be one of the guys making out with her. Not because I'm too shy. But just because thats not me. I just don't do that.
I'll finish this story with a quote from Liz to me... On the way Liz says to me, "You see, its just because your a nice guy..." [girls don't like nice guys, is what follows]. This means even more coming from a very conservative girl like Liz. Is there any hope for me? (lol, I hate to always end these things with some fishing for compliments, but )