aegiswings

The Dresden Dolls concert was awesome! They were awesome and the opening acts weren't so bad either. I talked to a few of the members of one of the bands - an all-girl band called Can't Face the Falling. They roped me into buying their CD, lol. They are pretty good, considering they are barely out of high school!

Well, I'm sure everyone is wondering what is going on with that girl from work from my previous entries. Well, she did go with us to the concert. She brought a friend of hers along and at first I was kind of worried cause I didn't know anything about him. I know she is single (and looking) but I was worried about having to compete for her attention (ok, that sounds silly, but you know what I mean). My friend Chris from work and his wife drove us ( My car is too small to fit 5 people). Anyways, I had nothing to worry about from her friend. He pretty much wandered off by himself. And he is even nerdier then me. I think we all had a good time. She laughs at my (stupid) jokes and we seem to agree on a lot of things. Anyways, at the end of the night, I mentioned that a couple of friends and I were going out clubbing/bar hopping on Saturday and I asked her if she'd like to join us. I figured it was a little safer than asking her out on a "date" and I know she is always saying how she wants to go out more. She frequently makes it known that she is unhappy with her social life. She said that she was going to be hanging out with a friend on Saturday that didn't drink. Not a very positive answer, but it could have been worse. I wasn't too worried, because it was a really fun time anyways and I think I made a good impression.

Which brings us to yesterday (Monday). My plan was to ask her out for last weekend in an attempt to bring some end to this ambiguity. That didn't happen as we went to The Dresden Dolls instead, so, I figured I still had to ask her out - I'd give it one last shot. I actually tried to ask her out in person last time, but it is so hard getting her alone at work (our cubes have no privacy). So, I IMed her, we talked about some work related things, then some innocent flirting (I'll spare you the pain of reposting it all here lol), and finally I offered to take her out to dinner (with a semi-clever lead in, of course). "no thanks" was her answer (basically).

I guess this brings this whole disaster to an end. I guess I'm sort of relieved to finally be outright rejected and not have to think about this anymore. I'm still so CONFUSED though I honestly thought that she was really into me. She was pretty open about how "desperate" she was whenever we talked. We talked about dating a bit, and I "fit" all her "what i'm looking for in a guy" requirements. I know she has no problem dating someone she works with. And then she asked me out. We had fun together and we share a lot in common (how many girls actually think computers are sexay, think video game parties are awesome) Even within the geek world we like the same things. We are probably the only two people at work that prefer Python to Perl, and ogg to mp3 (even though we get teased for it by our peers).
And I'm in the best shape I've been in since high school. I've been working out 5 times a week for a couple months, and going to a tanning salon. I'm teh hawt! (let me flatter myself- I need the boost in self-esteem right now) Now, I know what you are all thinking. It doesn't matter if you are both single and desperate, have lots in common, and have fun hanging out together, share the same views on things, and you are not uggos. Sometimes there is just no attraction there. No chemistry. I'm suppose that she just isn't attracted to me and there really isnt anything anyone can do about it...

I'm going to digress now and tell you a story about my roommate Margaret. Margaret is 22, and she just graduated from college a few months ago. She is immature, but not in the bad sense, just in the young sense. She has pretty much no male friends, but lots of girlfriends who she likes to hang out with; giggling, talking on the phone,cooking meals occasionally going out clubbing. Margaret never dates - its not that she doesn't like guys, its just that she has no interest in having a boyfriend. At most she might get drunk at a club and make out with some random guy. So, last Wednesday I came home and I was a little surprised to find Margaret on the couch watching a movie with a guy. I stayed in my room so they could have some privacy. The next day I asked her "So what is up with that guy yesterday, was that a date?" She replied that "nonono" it was not a date and Martin was a friend from work who she hangs out with sometimes - eating lunch together, maybe getting dinner after work. She had invited him over to watch a movie. I asked her if he though it was a date and she said she didn't think so. Finally, I asked what she would do if he put the moves on her. "I'd stop him" she replied.

A few days pass... Saturday night, Margaret comes to me and says "I think you were right." Margaret, her friend Liz and Martin had gone to park that day for a picnic and he was touching her, rubbing her back, putting his arm around here. Apparentally, he thought those times they were hanging out were dates. I immediately felt really bad for poor Martin. Here he was chasing after my roommate, thinking that she liked him, and she has no interest in him at all. Margaret was surprised - from her perspective she was just hanging out with a friend of hers. She didn't know what she did to cause this to happen. She was even a little resentful of him for making her feel awkward and trying to change the nature of their friendship. The ironical thing is that I'd been telling Margaret about my own situation with my coworker and the "non-dates" we've had. Did she not even think to draw the analogy until I pointed it out?

The result is that I'm learning that dating, at the beginning, is a messy messy situation and its awfully difficult for a guy to to find out the true nature of a relationship without, well, being direct and screwing up any possibility (and embarassing themselves) in the process. My other roommate Sara said that exactly what I should do. Just say "I like you, lets go on a date". "Only the insecure women would be turned off by that, and you don't want an insecure woman, do you??" she said. "but Sara, most women are insecure" (I probably lost some major points with her cause of that response).Being somewhat of an idealist this BOTHERS me. Why did I have to endure a month of ambiguity and torture why I tried to woo a girl who turns out who (most likely) had no interest in me from day 1?

Anyways, thats enough for now. Bless you for reading this far (hehe, I sound like my irish great-aunt). Needless to say, I'm kind of depressed and perhaps just a little bitter towards the female sex.
It will only last a few days, I suppose, then I'll wallow in self-pity for a week or two. (My friends say thats too long)