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I went on a date last night. At least I *thought* it was a date. And everyone I talked to about though it was a date too (two guy friends, a girl friend, and my little sister). See, a couple of weeks ago I hung out at ManRay with some friends from work. The regular readers of my journal (lol, like there are any) should recognize this story. Anyways, I drove a female coworker, I'll call her "M" to protect her privacy, home because she had a bit too much to drink.
So last week she sent me an e-mail which said something like, "I owe you a bunch of drinks and maybe even my life. Let me know when you want to cash in..." So, I IM'ed her and I said, that I'd take her up on her offer to go out sometime and asked when she was free. She said "How about Wednesday"... I also said something like, "Honestly, you don't have to buy me any drinks, but I would like to hang out anyways." My friends said that was very bold of me.
Cause you know, I'm very shy. I didn't want her to take me out just cause she felt like she owed me for buying her drinks and driving her home. I was playing this very cool, because I already knew she was single and is looking (she described herself as "desperate" though I think thats a little too strong a word). I wasn't sure whether I should consider this a date or not, but I figured I'd act like it was one. Shes kind of shy too, and not really a flirt at all but everything seemed to imply that she was interested. Which was good for me, cause it allowed me to be confident and patient - two qualities that I often lack. Confidence and patience, that is.
So, we went out to the Enormous Room which is this awesome bar/restaurant in Central Square. You know it must be cool because they have no signs anywhere that says where/what they are. They don't even have their name on their menus!
So, first the good things: We were there a long time! From like 6:30 to midnight actually. We were drinking and talking and ate a little food too. We talked about everything, and the conversation was comfortable. I tried to get her to talk more, but she said she prefered if I talked, so I did most of the talking. We drank a bit, I had a martini and 5 coronas, which normally would be a lot for me, but I seem to have a higher tolerance these days. I wasn't so drunk that I said or did anything I regret, which is key. She seemed to have a good time too, and there was an understanding that we'd hang out again...
Now, the bad: I *still* have no idea if it was a date or not. In fact, I think that she felt it WASN'T a date. I was a gentleman, but I did at least hint and imply that
I liked her, and I thought I gave her plenty of opportunities to give me some kind of sign - *any* kind of sign. Here is an example: I mentioned to her that we shouldn't tell people in the office that we went out. She reacted by saying, "huh, why would they gossip about two people from work hanging out to get drinks?"
I went on to explain to her that our coworker who had ditched us at ManRay didn't leave because he was "flakey" (as we originally thought), but because he didn't want to get in the way- he wanted to let us be alone. I told that story to another female coworker of mine and she asked "so wait, you are or you aren't dating M, cause I don't want to say the wrong thing in front of her". Now that friend has been asking me if I've going to ask M out. I told M all of this. We also talked fairly opening about "dating" in general. I asked her what she looked for in a guy and while she didn't really give many specific answers (ie. "likes computers", "rides bicycles", "under 37") they all apply to me. She always was curious as to what I looked for in a woman. I'm just confused. Her body language didn't show anything that made me think that she was interested in a more-than-friendship relationship. Later in the night, I tried to get her to dance, and it seems like that was a big turn-off and I almost felt like I had harassed her. It could have been that there wasn't many people dancing and she is shy, but it did appear like I had crossed some sort of line I shouldn't have.
I could go on and on. Basically, I don't know what to do now. Do I ask her out on another non-date? Do I wait for her to ask me? She's already IM'ed me today.
She said she had fun when I asked her - it was a good conversation. But nothing more. She'd probably like to hang out again. Is this going the friendship route? Normally, I'd think she was just shy,
and need more time to be comfortable around me, but she seems to have dated a bit (prolly more than me). Also, she was telling me about a guy she had hooked up with twice with recently but he kept on saying he wasn't really serious, but then changed his mind, basically jerking her around, so she was like "buhbye" to him. (Its ironical that I'm sounding ditsier than her. She doesn't talk that way at all.) My riends don't know either. Some say I need to be more aggressive, others say its better to let it be ambiguous but ask her out again. Some say if I'm too direct I risk turning her off. I'm really not sure what to do. We can talk pretty openly about things - like, I know she says she has no problems dating a coworker, but how do I take it to the next level. My temptation is to be more direct, like to make it clear that I want to ask her out on a real date. Or be direct about the fact I like her. I'm not asking her to go home with me or anything, I'd just like to know if there is any attraction on her side at all.
Help!
I went on a date last night. At least I *thought* it was a date. And everyone I talked to about though it was a date too (two guy friends, a girl friend, and my little sister). See, a couple of weeks ago I hung out at ManRay with some friends from work. The regular readers of my journal (lol, like there are any) should recognize this story. Anyways, I drove a female coworker, I'll call her "M" to protect her privacy, home because she had a bit too much to drink.
So last week she sent me an e-mail which said something like, "I owe you a bunch of drinks and maybe even my life. Let me know when you want to cash in..." So, I IM'ed her and I said, that I'd take her up on her offer to go out sometime and asked when she was free. She said "How about Wednesday"... I also said something like, "Honestly, you don't have to buy me any drinks, but I would like to hang out anyways." My friends said that was very bold of me.
Cause you know, I'm very shy. I didn't want her to take me out just cause she felt like she owed me for buying her drinks and driving her home. I was playing this very cool, because I already knew she was single and is looking (she described herself as "desperate" though I think thats a little too strong a word). I wasn't sure whether I should consider this a date or not, but I figured I'd act like it was one. Shes kind of shy too, and not really a flirt at all but everything seemed to imply that she was interested. Which was good for me, cause it allowed me to be confident and patient - two qualities that I often lack. Confidence and patience, that is.
So, we went out to the Enormous Room which is this awesome bar/restaurant in Central Square. You know it must be cool because they have no signs anywhere that says where/what they are. They don't even have their name on their menus!
So, first the good things: We were there a long time! From like 6:30 to midnight actually. We were drinking and talking and ate a little food too. We talked about everything, and the conversation was comfortable. I tried to get her to talk more, but she said she prefered if I talked, so I did most of the talking. We drank a bit, I had a martini and 5 coronas, which normally would be a lot for me, but I seem to have a higher tolerance these days. I wasn't so drunk that I said or did anything I regret, which is key. She seemed to have a good time too, and there was an understanding that we'd hang out again...
Now, the bad: I *still* have no idea if it was a date or not. In fact, I think that she felt it WASN'T a date. I was a gentleman, but I did at least hint and imply that
I liked her, and I thought I gave her plenty of opportunities to give me some kind of sign - *any* kind of sign. Here is an example: I mentioned to her that we shouldn't tell people in the office that we went out. She reacted by saying, "huh, why would they gossip about two people from work hanging out to get drinks?"
I went on to explain to her that our coworker who had ditched us at ManRay didn't leave because he was "flakey" (as we originally thought), but because he didn't want to get in the way- he wanted to let us be alone. I told that story to another female coworker of mine and she asked "so wait, you are or you aren't dating M, cause I don't want to say the wrong thing in front of her". Now that friend has been asking me if I've going to ask M out. I told M all of this. We also talked fairly opening about "dating" in general. I asked her what she looked for in a guy and while she didn't really give many specific answers (ie. "likes computers", "rides bicycles", "under 37") they all apply to me. She always was curious as to what I looked for in a woman. I'm just confused. Her body language didn't show anything that made me think that she was interested in a more-than-friendship relationship. Later in the night, I tried to get her to dance, and it seems like that was a big turn-off and I almost felt like I had harassed her. It could have been that there wasn't many people dancing and she is shy, but it did appear like I had crossed some sort of line I shouldn't have.
I could go on and on. Basically, I don't know what to do now. Do I ask her out on another non-date? Do I wait for her to ask me? She's already IM'ed me today.
She said she had fun when I asked her - it was a good conversation. But nothing more. She'd probably like to hang out again. Is this going the friendship route? Normally, I'd think she was just shy,
and need more time to be comfortable around me, but she seems to have dated a bit (prolly more than me). Also, she was telling me about a guy she had hooked up with twice with recently but he kept on saying he wasn't really serious, but then changed his mind, basically jerking her around, so she was like "buhbye" to him. (Its ironical that I'm sounding ditsier than her. She doesn't talk that way at all.) My riends don't know either. Some say I need to be more aggressive, others say its better to let it be ambiguous but ask her out again. Some say if I'm too direct I risk turning her off. I'm really not sure what to do. We can talk pretty openly about things - like, I know she says she has no problems dating a coworker, but how do I take it to the next level. My temptation is to be more direct, like to make it clear that I want to ask her out on a real date. Or be direct about the fact I like her. I'm not asking her to go home with me or anything, I'd just like to know if there is any attraction on her side at all.
Help!
VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
Chill out abit -- she sounds like she wants to cool out alittle bit with things (I don't know if she is busy or she thinks you are busy, etc..) Either way, DON"T SWEAT -- and IM her and chit-chat but get her to ask you out if she is acting standoffish.
haha and by the way, "kokuhaku" is such an old fashion way of asking a girl -out -- it is so refreshing to hear that word
kudos to you for being assertive. now tha ball's in her court, and if she continues to be standoffish then its her freakin loss mate. now that you did it once you know you can ask somebody out, and you can do it with confidence next time you meet someone cute. it will work! right on! power to the shy people!