aegiswings

I've been sick... which means I spent a lot of time at the hospital today amongst a horde of patients and doctors. The patients... bother me. But doctor's are so fuckin' cool. It makes me wish I had gone to medical school and become one. It's not because I like curing diseases or helping people or anything -- I just want to be one for all the same reasons Augusten Burroughs in Running With Scissors wanted to -- so I can wear the white coat (maybe over some nice slacks and wingtips) and have people look up to me and respect me and call me "doctor". I want to be a surgeon and have a myriad of assistants wrap me up like a mummy in teal scrubs. And then I'll very sternly request the necessarily implements, make a few incisions here and there, remove a tumor, appendix, conjoined twin, or whatever, tell my assistant to "sew 'em up", change my clothes, and go play golf. Yeah, that would be the life. Let's see... if I go back to night school this fall and take the pre-med requirements: orgo, biology, and physics, I can start med school in two years, graduate in another four, I can be a doctor by the time I'm 40!

Walking around the hospital looking for someone to x-ray my chest, I found an even cooler department of medicine than surgery. It's called "Nuclear Medicine." How fuckin' cool is that??! Forget about surgery, I want to study Nuclear Medicine and be a "Nuclear Doctor". "Oh, just 30 minutes in the cyclotron and I can cure that right up for you." "You'll feel much better after we bombard your brain with a healthy dose of alpha particles." I bet the doctors in nuclear medicine don't just get to wear a white coat. I bet they also get to wear a cape. And they can probably turn on lights just by pointing at them. Latent radioactive powers and all. Just zap a few tumors, organs, conjoined twins, whatever and then fly off to the golf course. Now, *that* is the life.

Five hours at MGH and no one knows what's wrong with me. The doctor kept on asking me if I had been sleeping with any skanky women recently. "Unfortunately... no," was my answer. Then a little bit later she asked me again. By the third time, I just had to ask her *why* is was so important to know if I had been sleeping with skanky women. She said that she thought that I might have gonorrhea. I almost laughed my ass off (ROFLMAO for those of you who don't leave the internet). I explained to her that I hadn't been sleeping with any skanky women, and in fact, I haven't slept with any women in over a year, so there is no way I could have gonorrhea. She smiled and gave me her phone number. Ok, that last part wasn't true. Just my perverted imagination running away from me again. Or with me, whatever.

Anyways, I should get back to bed, and dream some more about wearing a white coat and playing golf.