Wow, I've been in a something horrible mood recently. I suppose it all started with the events Saturday night, but I don't know why it's continued.
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I've been sleeping really odd hours. Usually I fall asleep at 2am, which isn't too late for me really. But then I inexplicably wake up at 7am and I can't go back to sleep. Then I'm up for a few hours, then I fall asleep in the early afternoon and sleep until the late evening. That means I'm only really up in the early morning and early night. I've turned completely crepuscular! (No, I won't define it for you, look it up, bitches: crepuscular). I thought about this for a bit, and I realized that the sentient beings I spent the most time with are my cats. Domestic cats, contrary to popular belief, are not nocturnal, but in fact, crepuscular. So apparently, I've acquired this trait from them. When they sleep, I sleep. When they are awake, I am awake. Unfortunately, they also sleep about 16 hours a day...
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Since I am so poor, I neglected to buy wrapping paper to wrap the few measly presents I've bought. I was scrambling around today to look for some scraps of paper I could use to conceal the identity of all the DVDs and CDs I've bought my fambly (yes, my whole fambly is getting a gift from Newbury Comics). I realized I don't have very many scraps of paper since I don't have a newspaper subscription but I do have tons of excess material from all the sewing I've done. So I've been sewing everyone a gift "bag", But actually it's more like a gift "sleeve" or gift "sock". I don't give a fuck if they are too hard to open. Greedy bastards.
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I went out to Toast tonight. It was my last night out before I go home for the holidays. Sarah2 was there. In fact I was supposed to give her a ride but then she bailed for some reason at the last moment. We talked a little at first and she bought me a few drinks but then she started talking to other people and I wandered off by myself. I was hanging with Dena, the door girl, who is really cute and likes me (as a friend, cause she fancies herself a lesbian). Anyways, she had brought her childhood friend "Josh" out with her tonight and was introducing him to everyone who came in. She asked me, "Sarah has a bf, doesn't she?" I told her she didn't. (Actually Sarah might disagree, but her situation with Dustin is "complicated" and her being "in a relationship" with him has never stopped her before). When she heard that she got excited and asked me if I could set her up with her friend Josh. I was kind of shocked (haven't I told Dena all about the huge crush I used to have on Sarah? Hasn't she been there to witness all the fights I've had with her at Toast!?). I told her I'd talk to Sarah when I got the chance and I'd see what I could do. I asked her if Josh had said that he thought Sarah was cute or something. She said that she hadn't asked him, but she's known him since he was seven, so she could tell that she has his type. I told her I didn't think Sarah was looking for a relationship right now, but she said it was fine -- Josh wasn't looking for a relationship either. So, wait, now I am helping this guy I don't even know get laid? With the girl I used to have a big crush on? wtf!?
I actually never got a chance to talk to Sarah. She was absorbed in conversations with other people the whole night. We did dance a little bit, but never talked. I really wanted to tell her the story about Deirdre actually, but I didn't get a chance to tell her that either. Later on, I went to talk to Dena again and she asked me if I had talked to Sarah. I decided this wasn't a fair position for me to be put in, so I said straight out to her, "You know, I'm not much of a matchmake -- I don't think I'm the right person to ask if you want to set Josh up with Sarah." Suddenly she remember that I had a thing for Sarah. "OMG, I'm so sorry. I forgot!". She apologized profusely, but it was too late. Honestly, I wouldn't care so much if Sarah went out with him. But I wasn't going to be the one that made it happen. Sarah and Josh did end up talking, but not because of me. Sarah kept on calling me over to the table where they were talking. FInally I reluctantly went over. I sat down just in time to overhear her ask him if he was gay. LOL.
At the end of the night he told me that Sarah invited him and I over to hang out and drink at her place afterwards. Uh, what an uncomfortable threesome, no thanks. But I never heard anything about that from Sarah. Somehow that fell apart, or did it? Sarah wanted food, but there was no place open in the area, at least no place good to get food, so she decided we should all just go home and scrounge for food. But what happened to Josh? Where was he? Did he go home? I have no idea. Perhaps I'm being paranoid, but for some reason I am thinking that he ended up going over to her place and they are having sex right now. Maybe I'm being completely ridiculously paranoid, or maybe I'm just hyper observant. Either way, I shouldn't care. But I'm a bit drunk and incredibly lonely these days, and while I realize that Sarah thinks of me as a "best friend" and not in that kind of way, I take a perverse kind of comfort knowing that at least she is "single" too. I'm going to kick myself now for saying that. Let me point out that I DO NOT feel this way about Sid. I am completely happy that she has found someone that makes her happy. I think it's awesome that she is finally happy and I much rather a happy Sid than an unhappy Sid. It does cause me to focus a little bit more on my own lonliness though (as it did to her when I hooked up with a girl last month and she was single), but I only wish the best for her. With Sarah though, it's very different. Too complicated for me to get into now. I'm sure you understand.
ok, now that I'm beginning to ramble drunkenly, I'm going to cut this short and go to bed. I have a long drive to NY ahead of me tomorrow. I'd wish you all a Merry Christmas, but I hate the frickin holiday, at least this year, as it is really hard to have spirit when you are too poor to buy anyone presents. They only thing I'm going to get this year is a lot of guilt, when my family all gives me gifts and I am unable to reciproacate.
...
I've been sleeping really odd hours. Usually I fall asleep at 2am, which isn't too late for me really. But then I inexplicably wake up at 7am and I can't go back to sleep. Then I'm up for a few hours, then I fall asleep in the early afternoon and sleep until the late evening. That means I'm only really up in the early morning and early night. I've turned completely crepuscular! (No, I won't define it for you, look it up, bitches: crepuscular). I thought about this for a bit, and I realized that the sentient beings I spent the most time with are my cats. Domestic cats, contrary to popular belief, are not nocturnal, but in fact, crepuscular. So apparently, I've acquired this trait from them. When they sleep, I sleep. When they are awake, I am awake. Unfortunately, they also sleep about 16 hours a day...
...
Since I am so poor, I neglected to buy wrapping paper to wrap the few measly presents I've bought. I was scrambling around today to look for some scraps of paper I could use to conceal the identity of all the DVDs and CDs I've bought my fambly (yes, my whole fambly is getting a gift from Newbury Comics). I realized I don't have very many scraps of paper since I don't have a newspaper subscription but I do have tons of excess material from all the sewing I've done. So I've been sewing everyone a gift "bag", But actually it's more like a gift "sleeve" or gift "sock". I don't give a fuck if they are too hard to open. Greedy bastards.
...
I went out to Toast tonight. It was my last night out before I go home for the holidays. Sarah2 was there. In fact I was supposed to give her a ride but then she bailed for some reason at the last moment. We talked a little at first and she bought me a few drinks but then she started talking to other people and I wandered off by myself. I was hanging with Dena, the door girl, who is really cute and likes me (as a friend, cause she fancies herself a lesbian). Anyways, she had brought her childhood friend "Josh" out with her tonight and was introducing him to everyone who came in. She asked me, "Sarah has a bf, doesn't she?" I told her she didn't. (Actually Sarah might disagree, but her situation with Dustin is "complicated" and her being "in a relationship" with him has never stopped her before). When she heard that she got excited and asked me if I could set her up with her friend Josh. I was kind of shocked (haven't I told Dena all about the huge crush I used to have on Sarah? Hasn't she been there to witness all the fights I've had with her at Toast!?). I told her I'd talk to Sarah when I got the chance and I'd see what I could do. I asked her if Josh had said that he thought Sarah was cute or something. She said that she hadn't asked him, but she's known him since he was seven, so she could tell that she has his type. I told her I didn't think Sarah was looking for a relationship right now, but she said it was fine -- Josh wasn't looking for a relationship either. So, wait, now I am helping this guy I don't even know get laid? With the girl I used to have a big crush on? wtf!?
I actually never got a chance to talk to Sarah. She was absorbed in conversations with other people the whole night. We did dance a little bit, but never talked. I really wanted to tell her the story about Deirdre actually, but I didn't get a chance to tell her that either. Later on, I went to talk to Dena again and she asked me if I had talked to Sarah. I decided this wasn't a fair position for me to be put in, so I said straight out to her, "You know, I'm not much of a matchmake -- I don't think I'm the right person to ask if you want to set Josh up with Sarah." Suddenly she remember that I had a thing for Sarah. "OMG, I'm so sorry. I forgot!". She apologized profusely, but it was too late. Honestly, I wouldn't care so much if Sarah went out with him. But I wasn't going to be the one that made it happen. Sarah and Josh did end up talking, but not because of me. Sarah kept on calling me over to the table where they were talking. FInally I reluctantly went over. I sat down just in time to overhear her ask him if he was gay. LOL.
At the end of the night he told me that Sarah invited him and I over to hang out and drink at her place afterwards. Uh, what an uncomfortable threesome, no thanks. But I never heard anything about that from Sarah. Somehow that fell apart, or did it? Sarah wanted food, but there was no place open in the area, at least no place good to get food, so she decided we should all just go home and scrounge for food. But what happened to Josh? Where was he? Did he go home? I have no idea. Perhaps I'm being paranoid, but for some reason I am thinking that he ended up going over to her place and they are having sex right now. Maybe I'm being completely ridiculously paranoid, or maybe I'm just hyper observant. Either way, I shouldn't care. But I'm a bit drunk and incredibly lonely these days, and while I realize that Sarah thinks of me as a "best friend" and not in that kind of way, I take a perverse kind of comfort knowing that at least she is "single" too. I'm going to kick myself now for saying that. Let me point out that I DO NOT feel this way about Sid. I am completely happy that she has found someone that makes her happy. I think it's awesome that she is finally happy and I much rather a happy Sid than an unhappy Sid. It does cause me to focus a little bit more on my own lonliness though (as it did to her when I hooked up with a girl last month and she was single), but I only wish the best for her. With Sarah though, it's very different. Too complicated for me to get into now. I'm sure you understand.
ok, now that I'm beginning to ramble drunkenly, I'm going to cut this short and go to bed. I have a long drive to NY ahead of me tomorrow. I'd wish you all a Merry Christmas, but I hate the frickin holiday, at least this year, as it is really hard to have spirit when you are too poor to buy anyone presents. They only thing I'm going to get this year is a lot of guilt, when my family all gives me gifts and I am unable to reciproacate.
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
those are myself, my roommate (the one with enormous ta-tas) and my good friend mandee...which you actually know...or met at the party. zahra is her username. both lovely ladies!
ive been good, sick and busy...but still good. how about yourself? not very well id guess from the first line in your journal.
the holidays are always a drag and i didnt buy anyone but my mom a gift. i cant afford anything!