I decided to cut Sarah2 off. I know that sounds kind of harsh, but I think it's best for my happiness... for now, at least. Who knows what it will be like in the future. After we fought on Friday night, I sent her an e-mail. The important part:
So, I'm sorry for getting so angry tonight. I'm not sure why we even started fighting. I just know that I'm not particularly happy these days. There isn't anything you or anyone else can do about it, but you, in particular, have a very strong effect on me. I need a break to get over all of this. Probably just a couple of weeks will be fine. But I'm more emotional and sensitive then even I would ever admit. For now, I'm through blaming myself for my feelings and I'm going to be strong and do what I think is best for my heart. I don't expect you to understand this, but don't get angry - I'll always be your friend. I'll be in touch,
I was pretty drunk at the time I wrote it. I don't think she has even read it yet because she hasn't checked her myspace mail. In the meantime, she's called three times, left a message, and texted me twice, as if everythings the same. I haven't answered her messages. I still think about her a lot. I alternate from feeling really silly by taking this so seriously and feeling really guilty about ignoring her.
It's easy not to talk to people when you are depressed. I haven't talked to many of my best friends either. I sleep waaay too late and I can't sleep at night at all. I've gotten into some bad habits and it seems like I get even *less* done than I did when I was employed full time. I need some motivation, some excitement, and some reason to live.
Tomorrow the health inspector comes to look at my apartment. I'm wondering if my landlord is going to show up too. It should be an interesting experience.
remember tho..when u take time for yourself, it helps but please dont stay in a rot. i know u wont because u have good friends and we all wont let u stay in a rot. cuttin off sarah 2..well, i knew this is going to happen after i heard about what happened..
things will get better and u will feel better..it just takes time for abit thats all
I still wanna see u dance and get silly soon tho
i hope things get better for you.. stay strong!