Monday Aug 15, 2005

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I'm an ice sculptor. Last night I made a cube.

I went to the airport, I put my bag in the x-ray machine, I found out my bag has cancer. It only has six more months to hold stuff.

That would be cool if the earth's crust was made out of graham cracker. It would disappear just like the ozone layer, but for completely different reasons.

I want to get non-aerosol mace, you just rub it in. "Dude who is attacking me - come a little closer!"

Magicians disappear all the time, but as soon as a regular person does it, everyone is all scared. "Tom's gone!" "Is he a magician?" "No." "Then let's print up some flyers!"

I tried to throw a yo-yo away. It was impossible.

A sleeping bag is a tortilla for a human.

I rented a car. I didn't really need one, I just wanted to make one less available. I wanted one businessman on the bus with no car.

-RIP MItch Hedberg frown
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
nefertiti:
aw. well right now i'm not working. i still have a job at traders, but no money's coming in at the moment, other than the money i make cleaning houses with my mom.
i would .love. to come visit though.
so i get tatted in a week. well in a week and 2 days. finishing my right ribs. woo hoo.
adrock1212:
In Kilkenny Ireland, they don't have anything American over there, it's very cool. But they did have a Subway sandwich shop. That was the one thing they had American, and that became the American Embassy to me. I would go out to a bar and piss off an Irish dude and have him chase me to the Subway. I said, "Dude, I'm sorry, but you're out of your jurisdiction. But you can have a cold cut combo to go."

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