And yet again my own mortality becomes glaringly apparent as I have to bid farewell to yet another friend.
Goodbye Allan. We drifted apart over the last few years, and I'm sorry that I wasn't there for you, even though I knew you needed someone. Never again will I ignore the signs I think I see. Never again will I hope that someone else will be the one to say something.
I don't want to lose anyone else. I hate this.
I want to go home. I want to go to Brampton. I want my mom. I want my friends. I want to hold my niece and I want to see Brent. I want my own bed. I want to cry on the shoulders of people who have known me as long as I knew Allan.
This is unfair. And doubly unfair because this is the second person I have lost in 6 months. I feel sick. Vomit sick and soul sick and home sick.
I do not have the support system I need to be here. I feel so alone. I did spend the day in Stanley Park yesterday. I drew a bit, and read and walked and took pictures. I appreciated being alive, but I'm starting to wonder why we even bother, if the people we care about are just going to leave us.
Allan Taylor aka. Sirius B
1982-2007
his words:
Saving the good times and putting yourself back into what those times were like. You close your eyes and drain out all of your negative energies. Imagine them sinking to the centre of the earth. There they are cleansed. Once you feel they are all out, put yourself back into a memory, one of pure happiness and bring it up with those cleansed energies into you. Thank the earth.
At first this may bring pain and tears, but this is necessary for release. It is important to feel pain and sadness, that way we can feel pleasure and happiness.
his words are wise, but were not enough to save him.
thank you Maligne, for the e-card. you're awesome.
Goodbye Allan. We drifted apart over the last few years, and I'm sorry that I wasn't there for you, even though I knew you needed someone. Never again will I ignore the signs I think I see. Never again will I hope that someone else will be the one to say something.
I don't want to lose anyone else. I hate this.
I want to go home. I want to go to Brampton. I want my mom. I want my friends. I want to hold my niece and I want to see Brent. I want my own bed. I want to cry on the shoulders of people who have known me as long as I knew Allan.
This is unfair. And doubly unfair because this is the second person I have lost in 6 months. I feel sick. Vomit sick and soul sick and home sick.
I do not have the support system I need to be here. I feel so alone. I did spend the day in Stanley Park yesterday. I drew a bit, and read and walked and took pictures. I appreciated being alive, but I'm starting to wonder why we even bother, if the people we care about are just going to leave us.
Allan Taylor aka. Sirius B
1982-2007
his words:
Saving the good times and putting yourself back into what those times were like. You close your eyes and drain out all of your negative energies. Imagine them sinking to the centre of the earth. There they are cleansed. Once you feel they are all out, put yourself back into a memory, one of pure happiness and bring it up with those cleansed energies into you. Thank the earth.
At first this may bring pain and tears, but this is necessary for release. It is important to feel pain and sadness, that way we can feel pleasure and happiness.
his words are wise, but were not enough to save him.
thank you Maligne, for the e-card. you're awesome.
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On another note - I'm so amused by your pic of Kriss (edited name to protect the innocent.