adoresmom

My life is a frigging nightmare. Nikki got fired for going into work stoned out of her mind. I don't know what she was on but she couldn't even talk and her eyes were nothing but pupils. She told me two days later that she was on beans. She has been doing heroin, crack, beans, and god only knows what else. ( Is the only way to do heroin by needle??? And what the hell does it look like? ) So I told her she had two choices, A) move out or B) go to rehab. She said she will find somewhere to live, which basically translates into she will continue to live at home and hope I forget about it. Truthfully I am at the end of my rope. I'm not even sure I have been this depressed/stressed in my life.

So basically I am and continue to raise Jeremiah, while she fucks up her life. What do I do? I can't get her to go to rehab, because of course she doesn't think she has a problem. Thats what they all say. But when you live rent free, leave your kid for your mother to watch, lose your job, spend all of your paychecks on drugs, and date a different guy every other day, I mean, hello................... This is the perfect set up for her and I need to find a way to make her suffer out there in the real world. Of course without Jeremiah, because he doesn't deserve to suffer.

I am trying to buy a house, and trust me it is far from a house of my dreams. The problem is that the properties around here have gone sky high and I can't afford to buy one. So I found a 1958 house, yikes, older than me, and the only thing I like about it is the yard and the patio. The rest of the house is small and not the best neighborhood in the world. But I have to start somewhere and try to get a little equity built up so I can move away from here. If I had money I would pack my shit and leave tomorrow and try to start Nikki's life over somewhere else. But unfortuantely I dont have the money to move. So basically I am screwed no matter how you look at my options.

I'm going out of my mind, somebody please take me away from this world.