adonis

i don't understand mankind. i'm such a fucking hermit sometimes. went out last night with my hot best friend from high school and college. haven't seen her in a year or so. saw some guy playing guitar and singing downtown on a patio at a cafe. this guy was amazing. he had an email list....i left my number on it. went up and introduced myself and told him i left my number if he wants to hang out. i'm so bad. he just grinned like a little boy at me. also talked to one of my friends at the bar, one of my ex's friends. he walked me to my car. i asked him if he used to have a crush on me (i always wondered and had heard) he said he always has even before he met me. he said that i was beautiful and one of the most sensuous women he's ever known. made me feel good....i've been down for a few days now. too much thinking. it'll be good for me to go back to work. being at home all i'm doing is tearing open old wounds and smearing the blood into musical and poetic form. i'm so fucking lonely but i hate everyone.