adonia

So I went to the bar, and Oh. My. God. did I drink. I haven't had a night that bad in so long. I saw the bartender and I acted like a total jack-ass. I don't want to go into how, I was just a total girl. Bye-bye bartender. I didn't want him anyway, not for anything long term.

The worst part of my night wasn't even him, it was when I was went home and decided I could not be at home, this was 2am, mind you. I got in my car and proceeded to drive around town calling random people looking for any signs of life. I found none. I went back home, realized I had stripped my bed of sheets, rolled up in my comforter and cried myself to sleep. Which took all of 30 seconds because of the booze.

Now I am awake, embarrassed and want to get to the nearest AA meeting. fucking alcohol, we have such a love/hate relationship. I am in one of those sort of surreal states where you feel like you are half dead, or wish you were.

Some days I am great, no worries. Life looks good. Others I am a complete lunatic and let everyone know it. I wish I could remember what it feels like to take a deep breath...