I decided to write earlier as I haven't had much of an outlet to talk lately. This week has been horrendous. First, I lost my girlfriend. The writing was on the wall. We weren't close and I have attachment issues. It hurts but it's more attachment issues than anything else and firing up psychological wounds.
The second thing is that my head has been a nightmare. The sane rational thought in my head has been stuck in what I can only describe as a car where all my emotions are grabbing the wheel and steering in what direction they like. If you've seen the movie "inside out" then imagine that all the emotions are hijacking the controls and you have no real way to keep in control. It's like that. My brain and it's reward system are currently being hijacked. My brain is wanting to go back to where it could get that instant hit from porn and masturbation. Sometimes I feel like I'm on edge constantly.
Thirdly, I have had no erection or libido for the entire time. My sexual drive is zero. From what I've read it will reboot but it will take months. It should be worth it.
There are definitely bonuses. Firstly, my cognitive skills are improving. I can do a lot more mental maths in my head which I had a bit of trouble before. That was because the values weren't being held in my head properly. Secondly, my concentration had improved. Recently I had been struggling to read a book for more than 10 pages at a time. Last night I read 40! Thirdly, I'm developing more willpower than what I had before. I purchased some of the chocolate wafer sticks and usually I finish a tin in a night. Now, I left half a tin. Not a bad effort. Not to mention I've resisted the urges on the brains part to look at porn again. It's a sneaky thing which has the ability to trick us into getting what it wants. Last night, with the break up I almost regressed into bad habits. I fought it off.
I've still got a lot of psychological scars to deal with however, now I'm feeling a bit clearer and have an excellent therapist.
Positives far outweigh the negatives