adamantium

So here goes. Last Monday night I went to the ER because I was having bad back pains. They said it was a Thoracic Sprain and gave me 500mg tabs of Vicadin. 15 of them. My mom called Erie Shriner's Hospital on Wednesday, told them what had happened and made an appointment (I needed to get my final check up anyway). It's August 1st. This coming Monday. They said they wanted me up there within the next two weeks and they wanted the xrays the hospital around here took. Maybe just me because I'm paranoid as hell lately and bad luck seems to just come to me, but, I think they may think there's something wrong. If not, why would they want me up there asap. Now, here's the bitchy part for me. The entire time I'm sitting in the ER, guess who I'm thinking about...Jessie. Since I went there I sunk even deeper into my depression. There's no one I've wanted to see more than here since I went. I'm really scared right now that I may have to go back under the knife. And nobody can help me. All my friend's around home have tried. My Ohio buddy has tried. My parents. You can try too, but guess what. It won't help. The only person I want to see right now is her. And if I come back Monday and I do have to get surgery done again, I'll go down further I know I will. I'm actually starting to get the mentality of "Fuck everything, is it really worth it." I really don't know anymore. I've never felt like this. I hope everyone is enjoying their happy goddamn lives, because mine sucks now.