Today feels like one of those days that should have a soundtrack by PlayRadioPlay!. Just one of those days, I guess.
People ask me how I'm doing, or what I'm doing today, and I answer with the usual. I want to be polite, give them some super amazing story about how I'm gonna rock the world with the greatest plans of the century. But the truth is, I'm not doing anything. I haven't all week. I didn't last week. I won't this coming week. My husband's company has shorted his checks for two pay periods now. That's a MONTH with barely any pay. We managed to pay the bills, but not renew the car's registration, so we can't leave the house. And we don't have enough for groceries, so we're going into week #4 of eating pasta and rice from a food pantry. Don't get me wrong, I'm VERY thankful to have it.. I have severe blood sugar problems, so if I don't eat, I pass out easily. It's just slightly depressing when you're trying to lose weight, and yet eating nothing but carbs for every meal.
I feel awful about it all, too. J works so hard at his job. Does EVERYTHING he possibly can to provide for us. He makes good money for it, too. If.they'd.give.it.to.us. He feels guilty, like he's not providing.. But it's not his fault that this is happening. He has always given me everything I want, and need. So what if right now, my roots are showing and we can't tip the tattoo artist until we get paid again? (she's a friend, so she's working on my side for free for a session, til we're on our feet, and she knows we'll most definitely pay her later). Those things really don't matter to me as much as he thinks they do.
I start my apprenticeship at the shop soon, and as soon as I'm done with that, I'll be able to bring home some money, too, so that'll help. It's just a matter of time.
Now that my rant is over, on a less depressing note, this is my side thus far. I'm in love with it, truly. <3
I realized this week, as we just finished up the dreaded butterfly (worst.pain.ever.), that I fancy butterflies a lot more than I'd previously been aware. People ask me all the time if I like them, and I just shrug. But the truth is, I guess I love them.
My greatest dream in life is to fly. I've always imagined myself as a faerie, or a mermaid. Through air or water, I don't care. I just want to fly. I love birds; don't get me wrong. But whenever I imagine my wings, I picture butterfly wings. Well, I guess they're almost.. Feathered? So bird wings with a butterfly pattern? *shrugs* I just know that there's magic in the iridescent beauty of a butterfly in flight. A kind of magic that my reality often seems to lack. A kind of magic I'd give anything to capture for myself.
So last night I finished up a mixed media piece I've been working on for quite some time now. I'm quite happy with the result. The picture was taken with a crappy camera phone, but still, I love the piece. This is "Free," a mixture of charcoal, colored pencils, acrylic paint, water colors, ink, and collage work, on 18x24" paper.
For now, freedom of the soul is enough. After all, what other choice do we have? This body ain't sprouting wings any time soon.
Have a great day, loves. <3
