So, I didn't sit down originally to write a blog like this, but that's just how the day seems to be going...
First off I hate writing complainy "my life sucks" kind of blogs. If this comes across that way... I'm sorry. The whole thing won't be like this, I promise. And if you want to skip this part, well...
First off I hate writing complainy "my life sucks" kind of blogs. If this comes across that way... I'm sorry. The whole thing won't be like this, I promise. And if you want to skip this part, well...
SPOILERS! (Click to view)
Some of you know (and some don't) that my boyfriend Jim, and I are in a long-distance relationship, and that for the summer, he's staying with me and the rest of my family, the original idea being that he would get to see me more often and that finding a job in my area is a lot easier than finding one in his. I mentioned worrying how this will work out, and well, we're halfway there and it's gone from a decent arrangement, to one that is killing me with stress.
He's out for the day, frustrated and doesn't know when he's going to be back, and I am sitting on the couch crying (okay well now that I am actually done the blog, not anymore). At least he assured me on the way out, that it's not me he is angry with.
I love both my mom and my boyfriend, but they are both wrong with the way things should be right now, and I of course, am stuck in the middle. I want to stand by Jim because he, I hope, will be my partner for a long time. Yet, my mom is letting us both stay here, and she is, my mom, and in every situation there is a party that is wrong, and a party that is right.
It started back when he first moved in. Within only about a week of Jim living here, my mom was on about him getting a summer job. He got one within a week and a half. My mom said there would be rent, but didn't say how much it would be, and putzed around for a few weeks before finally settling on an amount. I'd warned Jim (my boyfriend) that there would be rent, and he was fine with that, as long as he could afford it. Finally the amount comes, and it's not bad, and of course my mom, rather than sitting down and talking with me and Jim, tells me to tell him the amount, when it's due each month, etc. Fine. She kept the rent low, with the expectation that Jim would buy most of his food- which he has and no other conditions were really put on at that time.
Then, without any notice, all the factories in the area, shut down and Jim was out of the job. Which brings us to now.
My mom and Jim both have certain expectations, neither are happy, and I am caught in the middle.
My mom offered to pay Jim and my brother in law- his best friend- to paint one of the units she rents out. Offered actually isn't really the word- she told them they were going to do it, and she would pay them. That was over a week ago, and neither guy has been paid, and both are frustrated- they don't even know how much they are making for the work they did.
It's been almost three weeks and Jim isn't working at the moment because plants are just starting to open up again. He has called the company a few times, but hasn't bothered to look for work elsewhere- which is his decision- but I would have looked elsewhere, and liked it if he did the same thing, and there's only so much suggesting you can make, without causing a fight.
My mom on the other hand, can't stand to see people sit still for five minutes. So, when Jim sleeps in, she gets mad. When Jim sits down and watches a show with me, she gets mad, but rather than sitting down with the two of us- she flips at me and expects me to talk to him.
Because Jim isn't working, she expects him to just do random jobs around the house for her- but she won't ask him. Everything has to go through me. Her attitude is that he's not paying a huge amount of rent (still covering the expenses, but no profit-she says) and he's not working, so he should be doing extra chores around the house to make up for that. Yet she says she's uncomfortable asking him to do things.
Jim will do the extra stuff and always by the end of the day in which she has asked him to do it. The end of the day is not good enough- for my mom, everything has to be done right now- I've argued with her about this when she's done it to me. If you want someone to do something for you; don't complain about when it gets down, or how it gets done- just be thankful that someone took it off your plate and it's one less thing you have to do.
She is the type of person, that if you mop the floor, and she finds a spot or two, she'll make you do the whole damn thing again and complain in your ear that you should have done it right the first time, and it should be done as well as she does it.
I love Jim, but he complains when I ask him to do anything for my mom- mainly because he does not get along with her. I could ask him to do the same thing for me, and he wouldn't have a problem at all. I don't like that he sleeps in until after noon, but there is little I can do about it, but wake him up and bug him to get his ass in gear.
My mom I feel, is frustrated with her fiance (she's told me this) and because she can't vent that frustration to him, it's all landed on Jim and me. Any little similarity Jim may have to her fiance, she rails as a negative and gets on my case.
Nothing is good enough for her. My boyfriend cleaned up the entire backyard for me before I had a party in it. The backyard was supposed to be cleaned up weeks ago by my mom's fiance, and he didn't do it, instead they opted to go up to the cottage and spend the weekends there. What does my mom say? Well he should be cleaning up the backyard, he's not doing anything right now anyway
My boyfriend also, of his own accord, cleaned up our entire basement. Junk, and mess that was both his, and not his, he put away and/or threw out. No prompting what-so-ever. What does my mom say Well half of that mess was his anyway. It was a pig sty down there, he should have cleaned it up sooner. Meanwhile, most of the mess, was actually her fiance's junk scattered all over the place.
She's threatened me with kicking Jim out, and he's threatened me with moving out. I've had to act as a buffer when one person says unkind things about the other, and not tell the one person, what the other has said, and it's hurting only one person in the end; me.
What is boils down to is this; my mom has got to lighten up a little. Everyone at my house needs to contribute more- not just Jim. My little sister does nothing around the house, my mom's fiance does a little, and so do I, and Jim does the occasional man job (but does clean up after himself).
Jim has to be more accepting of the situation we are in right now. Yes, my mom is nitpicky and sometimes obnoxious, yes, she makes decisions he thinks are crazy, but he shouldn't let those things bug him so much. She's also been cool with him staying here and isn't asking a lot of him.
So why is this so easy to say here, and not to them? What do I do? Who do I stick up for? When do I put my foot down, and how?
Some of you know (and some don't) that my boyfriend Jim, and I are in a long-distance relationship, and that for the summer, he's staying with me and the rest of my family, the original idea being that he would get to see me more often and that finding a job in my area is a lot easier than finding one in his. I mentioned worrying how this will work out, and well, we're halfway there and it's gone from a decent arrangement, to one that is killing me with stress.
He's out for the day, frustrated and doesn't know when he's going to be back, and I am sitting on the couch crying (okay well now that I am actually done the blog, not anymore). At least he assured me on the way out, that it's not me he is angry with.
I love both my mom and my boyfriend, but they are both wrong with the way things should be right now, and I of course, am stuck in the middle. I want to stand by Jim because he, I hope, will be my partner for a long time. Yet, my mom is letting us both stay here, and she is, my mom, and in every situation there is a party that is wrong, and a party that is right.
It started back when he first moved in. Within only about a week of Jim living here, my mom was on about him getting a summer job. He got one within a week and a half. My mom said there would be rent, but didn't say how much it would be, and putzed around for a few weeks before finally settling on an amount. I'd warned Jim (my boyfriend) that there would be rent, and he was fine with that, as long as he could afford it. Finally the amount comes, and it's not bad, and of course my mom, rather than sitting down and talking with me and Jim, tells me to tell him the amount, when it's due each month, etc. Fine. She kept the rent low, with the expectation that Jim would buy most of his food- which he has and no other conditions were really put on at that time.
Then, without any notice, all the factories in the area, shut down and Jim was out of the job. Which brings us to now.
My mom and Jim both have certain expectations, neither are happy, and I am caught in the middle.
My mom offered to pay Jim and my brother in law- his best friend- to paint one of the units she rents out. Offered actually isn't really the word- she told them they were going to do it, and she would pay them. That was over a week ago, and neither guy has been paid, and both are frustrated- they don't even know how much they are making for the work they did.
It's been almost three weeks and Jim isn't working at the moment because plants are just starting to open up again. He has called the company a few times, but hasn't bothered to look for work elsewhere- which is his decision- but I would have looked elsewhere, and liked it if he did the same thing, and there's only so much suggesting you can make, without causing a fight.
My mom on the other hand, can't stand to see people sit still for five minutes. So, when Jim sleeps in, she gets mad. When Jim sits down and watches a show with me, she gets mad, but rather than sitting down with the two of us- she flips at me and expects me to talk to him.
Because Jim isn't working, she expects him to just do random jobs around the house for her- but she won't ask him. Everything has to go through me. Her attitude is that he's not paying a huge amount of rent (still covering the expenses, but no profit-she says) and he's not working, so he should be doing extra chores around the house to make up for that. Yet she says she's uncomfortable asking him to do things.
Jim will do the extra stuff and always by the end of the day in which she has asked him to do it. The end of the day is not good enough- for my mom, everything has to be done right now- I've argued with her about this when she's done it to me. If you want someone to do something for you; don't complain about when it gets down, or how it gets done- just be thankful that someone took it off your plate and it's one less thing you have to do.
She is the type of person, that if you mop the floor, and she finds a spot or two, she'll make you do the whole damn thing again and complain in your ear that you should have done it right the first time, and it should be done as well as she does it.
I love Jim, but he complains when I ask him to do anything for my mom- mainly because he does not get along with her. I could ask him to do the same thing for me, and he wouldn't have a problem at all. I don't like that he sleeps in until after noon, but there is little I can do about it, but wake him up and bug him to get his ass in gear.
My mom I feel, is frustrated with her fiance (she's told me this) and because she can't vent that frustration to him, it's all landed on Jim and me. Any little similarity Jim may have to her fiance, she rails as a negative and gets on my case.
Nothing is good enough for her. My boyfriend cleaned up the entire backyard for me before I had a party in it. The backyard was supposed to be cleaned up weeks ago by my mom's fiance, and he didn't do it, instead they opted to go up to the cottage and spend the weekends there. What does my mom say? Well he should be cleaning up the backyard, he's not doing anything right now anyway
My boyfriend also, of his own accord, cleaned up our entire basement. Junk, and mess that was both his, and not his, he put away and/or threw out. No prompting what-so-ever. What does my mom say Well half of that mess was his anyway. It was a pig sty down there, he should have cleaned it up sooner. Meanwhile, most of the mess, was actually her fiance's junk scattered all over the place.
She's threatened me with kicking Jim out, and he's threatened me with moving out. I've had to act as a buffer when one person says unkind things about the other, and not tell the one person, what the other has said, and it's hurting only one person in the end; me.
What is boils down to is this; my mom has got to lighten up a little. Everyone at my house needs to contribute more- not just Jim. My little sister does nothing around the house, my mom's fiance does a little, and so do I, and Jim does the occasional man job (but does clean up after himself).
Jim has to be more accepting of the situation we are in right now. Yes, my mom is nitpicky and sometimes obnoxious, yes, she makes decisions he thinks are crazy, but he shouldn't let those things bug him so much. She's also been cool with him staying here and isn't asking a lot of him.
So why is this so easy to say here, and not to them? What do I do? Who do I stick up for? When do I put my foot down, and how?
That feels better to get off my chest. Now, on to more, productive things.
I got approval on the course I wanted to take at school- which is a huge relief for me. I now feel much more on track with my degree and I can't wait until the fall. Now I just have to get the final financial aid sorted out.
Whew, after such a downer of a blog (if you read the spoilered text) I need a laugh, and you do to... so have a look!
VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
I don't have fish and chips often, if only because it's expensive. But it's yummy.
I saw the Tik Tok version of The Simpsons opening when it ran on tv. I thought it was very cool. I don't care how many people like to criticize Kesha - I really like that song.
I was never a huge cheeseaholic, and I actually gave up dairy products before I gave up meat. I've been hearing a lot about this new vegan cheese called Daiya, but I haven't been able to get my hands on it yet, it's apparently quite good. With vegan cheese, the hardest part is getting it to taste good *and* melt, and apparently Daiya does both. The best tasting vegan cheese I've had is called Sheese, but it doesn't melt very well.
If you look through my Food album on here and see anything that looks interesting, I'd be more than happy to provide the recipe! Lately my diet seems to consist mainly of salad, smoothies, and soup. The three Ss! This also reminds me that I need to post my backlog of food pictures here on SG.