Going home in 3days...college was fun..it has its ups and downs..but yanno...the main thing is a new experience under my belt...i had some fucking awesome times in Shepherdstown, W.V. and ill be looking forward to coming back in August...the only regret is that i let my guard down once again..got my heart broken as usual, by someone i thought was very extraordinarily special...turns out he was just using me the whole time..... but i just gotta keep my chin up and keep myself..because none the less.. i know who i am and what im about...and faking life and relationships just aint my style...its sooo weird how the ones we care about the most(dare i say fall in love with) hurt us the most in the end..and when you find out that it was all a lie...well, lets just say ive been down that road more than once and i cant believe how fucking naive and optimistic i can be at times..it disappoints me...i dont wanna be vulnerable but i dont wanna be bitter either...i just wanna find some real, quality people that i can surrond myself with....that dont bail on me..that might be too much to ask..but i keep my standards high...because i have to..because i believe in people too much...i believe in the beauty that we all have inside of us...and well...i just havent met anyone to match the loyalty i have in my heart..its seems to be a game for them .."lets take what we can get" yanno...and it sucks..but thats life i guess... but a new path awaites me...i going home and for once i am happy to just be alive...and appreciate the moments i had..and look forward to the future..just taking it one step at a time really...pace myself for life, love, and accept what i cannot change..and hope for the best...always trying to better myself as a person...and i WILL make it...i promise you this!!!
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Monday Oct 28, 2002
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*pauses*
Anyway, you don't seem to need sympathy or comfort or a boost to self esteem, which puts you ahead of where I usually am after a relationship fails. So, I will simply say that I enjoyed your entry, be the first to say that I will hold you to that promise.
*bows*