I am seriously in a funk. This in and of itself is nothing noteworthy. These things happen. The part that bothers me is I have no idea *why*. It's like I've just given up on everything, and I'm going through my day as a pretty much zombie-like automaton.
I've been thinking a lot, for example, about all the things I never got around to doing in life. But, you know, it's not like I'm 60, or even 40. There's no reason for me to feel so drained and used up, but I do. I don't write anymore - I don't even take *notes* anymore, and I used to be a compulsive note taker. I never feel like reading. Just don't feel like doing anything.
It certainly comes down to this "giving up" thing. That's an perfect description of this whole situation, but the part that bugs me is *why* I feel like this. Normally, I would at least have some idea what mechanisms are at work to make me so blah.
I suppose it could be frustration about this whole job thing, but I'm pretty sure the doldrums struck well before that. Certainly, the whole job search experience (particularly the candidate faire) pretty much stabbed my morale in the gut, but the same discontent was there before.
It's really getting on my nerves, which I guess could be taken as a good sign. I just want to figure out what the fuck is going on so I can take corrective action. Boo.
I've been thinking a lot, for example, about all the things I never got around to doing in life. But, you know, it's not like I'm 60, or even 40. There's no reason for me to feel so drained and used up, but I do. I don't write anymore - I don't even take *notes* anymore, and I used to be a compulsive note taker. I never feel like reading. Just don't feel like doing anything.
It certainly comes down to this "giving up" thing. That's an perfect description of this whole situation, but the part that bugs me is *why* I feel like this. Normally, I would at least have some idea what mechanisms are at work to make me so blah.
I suppose it could be frustration about this whole job thing, but I'm pretty sure the doldrums struck well before that. Certainly, the whole job search experience (particularly the candidate faire) pretty much stabbed my morale in the gut, but the same discontent was there before.
It's really getting on my nerves, which I guess could be taken as a good sign. I just want to figure out what the fuck is going on so I can take corrective action. Boo.
VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
I think this kind of feeling is common among people as they reach their late twenties or early thirties. Its like a kind of psychological preparation for the transition from early adulthood to middle age.
I think that the late twenties through the early thirties is a formative period of a persons life when people reasssess everything they have learned and create the identity that they will have for the rest of their life. Everyone says that childhood is the formative period of one's life, but I think that childhood and early adulthood could be seen more as a preparatory period and the the late twenties through the early thirties is the time when we consolidate our experiences into one unified point of view.
On the one hand it would be easy for me to look back at my youth and mourn what I am losing but on the other hand, I can take a fresh look at my current situation and instead of seeing it as one more step on the road to death, I can see it as the time when everything comes to fruition. To use a somewhat agricultural analogy, our youth is like the time when a plant brings forth its beautiful flowers and its easy to think that this is the most important time. However, the the late twenties through the early thirties is akin to the stage when a the flowers have ripened into fruit which is ready for harvest and frankly, the harvest time is what its really all about. So there you go, you are entering the harvest festival time of your life, so make the most of it!!