<new theme song, Suicide Solutions; Ozzy>
.......I was going through some boxes I never unpacked after I got back here a year ago. I found some of my old notebooks from when I actually kept a journal and wrote and was still creative.
I've lost touch with my creative forces, and it saddens me. I can't write anymore, or when I can it is very dark and disturbing.
As I read and flow back through my past I see that I used to laugh and have friends.
Now I rarely find myself smiling, and I don't really have any friends around here.
Everyone I knew here has grown up and moved on. With David's rampage and suicide, the last of my group of friends from Cali is dead.
I miss my old life; bouncing at the strip club, dating one of the dancers, smoking pot, and riding my bikes at excessive speeds.
Now I'm stuck; building guitars (not as fun as one would think) dating no one, drug free, and driving a station wagon....
A FUCKING STATION WAGON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(at excessive speeds)
The only flickering light in this God forsaken tunnel is that my sisters are here, who, untill I got back here, I hadn't seen in 12 years.
So I st here rediscovering my past and the kind of person I used to be.
I find that the more I learn, the more I yearn for the sweet bliss of ignorance.
</depression>
I'll close with a quote from Poe, since it seems fitting as I stare into both my past and my future.
"Deep into that Darkness peering,
...Long I stood there,
.........wondering,
...............fearing,
...................doubting."
Forgive the deep introspective insight, I get this depressing spell once every few years, it servers to keep things in perspective and forces me to write or otherwise un-bottle the emotions, which in turn keeps me as close to sane as I can get.
Acid
.......I was going through some boxes I never unpacked after I got back here a year ago. I found some of my old notebooks from when I actually kept a journal and wrote and was still creative.
I've lost touch with my creative forces, and it saddens me. I can't write anymore, or when I can it is very dark and disturbing.
As I read and flow back through my past I see that I used to laugh and have friends.
Now I rarely find myself smiling, and I don't really have any friends around here.
Everyone I knew here has grown up and moved on. With David's rampage and suicide, the last of my group of friends from Cali is dead.
I miss my old life; bouncing at the strip club, dating one of the dancers, smoking pot, and riding my bikes at excessive speeds.
Now I'm stuck; building guitars (not as fun as one would think) dating no one, drug free, and driving a station wagon....
A FUCKING STATION WAGON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(at excessive speeds)
The only flickering light in this God forsaken tunnel is that my sisters are here, who, untill I got back here, I hadn't seen in 12 years.
So I st here rediscovering my past and the kind of person I used to be.
I find that the more I learn, the more I yearn for the sweet bliss of ignorance.
</depression>
I'll close with a quote from Poe, since it seems fitting as I stare into both my past and my future.
"Deep into that Darkness peering,
...Long I stood there,
.........wondering,
...............fearing,
...................doubting."
Forgive the deep introspective insight, I get this depressing spell once every few years, it servers to keep things in perspective and forces me to write or otherwise un-bottle the emotions, which in turn keeps me as close to sane as I can get.
Acid