Heres a little ran't i was working on, its a rough draft but please feel free to give me your thoughts....
I went to a concert last night and it left me asking the same old question for several new reasons What the hell is wrong with people? I paid a relatively large sum of money for tickets considering my budget and the approaching waste all the money you can on other people so that maybe, just maybe they will buy you something bigger or at least feel guilty for not buying you something bigger season, more commonly known as Christmas. I thought the money was well spent though, it had been quite some time since I hand gone to a concert, and I certainly needed to get out. The night would have been quite enjoyable had it not been for the general stupidity of a few different types of people who should not be allowed to live.
Lets start with certain elements of the crowd shall we? Yes we shall! And do you know why? Because Im the one writing, thats why. Now that weve come to an understanding we can move on. Where was I? Oh yes, the crowd. Last night as we were waiting for the last band to come on to stage red spotlights switched on, nothing else moved just the lights. Somehow this prompted applause that had yet to be heard that night. Sadly enough neither of the warm up acts could squeeze a reaction from the audience equal to the roar that resulted from some un-seen stagehand flipping some un-seen switch labelled RED. Also, why cant we leave our beverages somewhere away from the densely packed crowd? Am I being selfish in wanting to be able to enjoy some mediocre live entertainment without having to worry about having beer spilled down my back? I honestly dont think so, and the same goes for smoking; if you are that hard up please dont light up when you are inches away from my back because I really dont want to smell my own burning hair because if I do, it can be guaranteed that the night will not end pleasantly. And on another note pertaining to my personal safety, if your body is pressed five or ten others please refrain from doing the rock and roll arm throw too often because the backswing is rather dangerous, again if I get a bloody nose because youre an idiot they youre going to get one because Im intolerant. And finally there is the group of people who the human genome project might be able to help, the mindless monkeys who when in the presence of loud music, find themselves compelled to slam into others with the same, frighteningly common disorder. These drooling hillbillies crawl out of the primordial soup just so the can come and slam into each other, which would be fine with me if they didnt feel the need to do it right next to me, thus ruining my good time by making me spend my night protecting myself from the occasional idiot that comes hurling from the sweating mass as if it is projectile excrement thrown from a larger pile of shit only to be consumed again in a moment. These slobbering bump monkeys should be lined up and shot, not only would the average concert goer be able to enjoy themselves but we wont be wasting precious resources on these idiots who have nothing to lend to society.
On a practically unrelated note, Cocky guitarists need to die. It is simple as that, if they didnt exist I my feet wouldnt hurt nearly as bad at the end of a concert, so they need to die. I dont like people with inflated egos in general but the proud guitarist is an especially heinous villain in my eyes. This man, this self proclaimed master plucker of strings and strummer of chords has decided that he is so special that he deserves a solo the guitar solo, a metal-heads wet dream. When built into a song I dont mind the occasional solo, but ten minutes of a 35 year old man playing his instrument behind his head until it looks like he is about to climax all over the audience is not my idea of a good time. Last nights expert took his fifteen minutes of tedious fame soon after the band told the crowd that they were going to play one more song before they got off stage so the headliner could set up, which was nice; why not tell the audience that the band they came to see was about to play and then take another 20 minutes playing your last song? Heres an idea, next time you need to compensate for your lack of collective talent, stage dive. If were lucky, no one will catch you.
I went to a concert last night and it left me asking the same old question for several new reasons What the hell is wrong with people? I paid a relatively large sum of money for tickets considering my budget and the approaching waste all the money you can on other people so that maybe, just maybe they will buy you something bigger or at least feel guilty for not buying you something bigger season, more commonly known as Christmas. I thought the money was well spent though, it had been quite some time since I hand gone to a concert, and I certainly needed to get out. The night would have been quite enjoyable had it not been for the general stupidity of a few different types of people who should not be allowed to live.
Lets start with certain elements of the crowd shall we? Yes we shall! And do you know why? Because Im the one writing, thats why. Now that weve come to an understanding we can move on. Where was I? Oh yes, the crowd. Last night as we were waiting for the last band to come on to stage red spotlights switched on, nothing else moved just the lights. Somehow this prompted applause that had yet to be heard that night. Sadly enough neither of the warm up acts could squeeze a reaction from the audience equal to the roar that resulted from some un-seen stagehand flipping some un-seen switch labelled RED. Also, why cant we leave our beverages somewhere away from the densely packed crowd? Am I being selfish in wanting to be able to enjoy some mediocre live entertainment without having to worry about having beer spilled down my back? I honestly dont think so, and the same goes for smoking; if you are that hard up please dont light up when you are inches away from my back because I really dont want to smell my own burning hair because if I do, it can be guaranteed that the night will not end pleasantly. And on another note pertaining to my personal safety, if your body is pressed five or ten others please refrain from doing the rock and roll arm throw too often because the backswing is rather dangerous, again if I get a bloody nose because youre an idiot they youre going to get one because Im intolerant. And finally there is the group of people who the human genome project might be able to help, the mindless monkeys who when in the presence of loud music, find themselves compelled to slam into others with the same, frighteningly common disorder. These drooling hillbillies crawl out of the primordial soup just so the can come and slam into each other, which would be fine with me if they didnt feel the need to do it right next to me, thus ruining my good time by making me spend my night protecting myself from the occasional idiot that comes hurling from the sweating mass as if it is projectile excrement thrown from a larger pile of shit only to be consumed again in a moment. These slobbering bump monkeys should be lined up and shot, not only would the average concert goer be able to enjoy themselves but we wont be wasting precious resources on these idiots who have nothing to lend to society.
On a practically unrelated note, Cocky guitarists need to die. It is simple as that, if they didnt exist I my feet wouldnt hurt nearly as bad at the end of a concert, so they need to die. I dont like people with inflated egos in general but the proud guitarist is an especially heinous villain in my eyes. This man, this self proclaimed master plucker of strings and strummer of chords has decided that he is so special that he deserves a solo the guitar solo, a metal-heads wet dream. When built into a song I dont mind the occasional solo, but ten minutes of a 35 year old man playing his instrument behind his head until it looks like he is about to climax all over the audience is not my idea of a good time. Last nights expert took his fifteen minutes of tedious fame soon after the band told the crowd that they were going to play one more song before they got off stage so the headliner could set up, which was nice; why not tell the audience that the band they came to see was about to play and then take another 20 minutes playing your last song? Heres an idea, next time you need to compensate for your lack of collective talent, stage dive. If were lucky, no one will catch you.
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KRISS