accuser

Last night I had a great time, right up until the end made me want to punch myself in the balls.

Got to indulge a fantasy dancing with a friend. For some reason, I let myself suspect that she wanted more from me and planned to say so that night, even though I know better (this isn't entirely random - I over-interpret things into "signals," tell myself I'm being ridiculous, but watch for them anyway - talk about self-destructive). She decides later, rather than having me drive her home, she'll have her brother drop her off at some dude's house. Saw the guy- sideways baseball cap, baggy clothes, the whole thing. *sigh*

Ridiculous that I let myself get worked up like this. I asked her out ages ago, I really need to grow the fuck up and move past that. On the bright side, writing that last sentence has already made me feel a bit better about it. If that's what she wants, fine. Time to stop seeing her as who I want her to be and let her be who she is.

I typically don't write this sort of thing here, but I needed the catharsis and she or people who know her would read it if I put it anywhere else.