accuser

I realized recently that I have no idea how to ask out a stranger. I never had to practice in college because I started dating a girl in my first semester and that lasted until a year or two after graduation. I sort of knew her through another girl I'd dated before, back in high school, so starting conversation wasn't very hard. "Hey, I know you."

After that, I didn't date for a long while. I believe the rule is Y=X/2 where Y is the amount of time you're allowed to take to get over a relationship and X is the amount of time the relationship lasted. I did decently, took me about a year. However, it probably would have taken longer had not my last girlfriend taken the initiative. And she really, really took the initiative.

We knew each other back in college, she expressed interest, I told her I was taken, and that was pretty much as far as it went. She told me to look her up if I became single again. Well, I did, but learned that she'd moved to another state and decided it was a dumb idea anyway. She contacted me out of the blue sometime later, after moving back to Arizona, and tracking me down with Google.

So, essentially, she fell into my lap. That lasted about 6 months until I decided I couldn't stand her anymore, and she either felt the same or figured out how I felt and suggested that we weren't right for each other.

Since then, I've only asked one girl out - my best friend's sister. That whole thing required a lot of courage, probably more than just talking to a stranger, but I knew what to do. I talked with my best friend about it, he said it was okay with him, I called her, we talked, she very sweetly and gently turned me down. And, except for the lingering crush I had on her that lasted until just recently, that was pretty much the end of that.

But now, I don't know what to do. There's a girl. I know the following about her:
1) Her name is Dana.
2) She seems to like punk rock. Specifically the Distillers and Social Distortion. I know this because...
3) She works at the comic store. I stopped buying comics recently, but went back to catch up on one of my favorite writer's recent stuff and...
4) She has a lip piercing.
5) She's friggin' gorgeous.

So I have a problem now. I want to get to know her. If she's single, I want to ask her out. I don't know if she's single. I also don't know if she's even receptive to flirtation - I can only imagine how many sweaty nerds make fumbling attempts to attract her in that place. (Keep in mind that I'm a proud nerd, but I've seen some of the people in that shop. They make me feel like Tony Stark. Yeah, I fucking said it.)

What now?
"Crazy weather."
"Are you reading Secret Invasion? Is it any good?"
"What's your opinion on Joss Whedon?"
"Hey, not to be creepy but I would totally mail you a severed ear."
"LOVE ME!"
"I have a friend who loves _punk rock band name here_ and keeps trying to get me into them, what would you recommend I check out?"
"So how often do customers try to flirt with you?"
"You, me, the complete series of Transmetropolitan. What do you say?"
"I uh.. here I... comics. Yeah... uh.. thanks. ...mumble..."
"Punk rock is awful."

Okay, a lot of those probably won't work. And that last one isn't even trying... but it would get her to remember me I bet.

Holy shit, did I really just write all this? What the fuck?! I'm going to have to go pull my hair down over one eye and take a webcam photo at arm's length at about 45 degrees to my head while looking mysterious now.

WEBCAM IS A WORD YOU STUPID FUCKING SPELLCHECKER.

<sigh> This is so not metal.