thank you all for the love - i sure need it right now. i have yet to come to terms with the loss of my dear friend Sean in 2000 - and this all just brings it back fresh. i don't know where i am. the first boy i ever kissed and these precious people slipping away now.... i think i'm still angry with Sean for being such an idiot! stupid "rock star death." I could barely stand the viewing, didn't go to the internment. haven't been to his grave. i remember how his earlobes taste - from 9th grade. i never wished so hard that there really were angels to take him to a fluffy heaven in the clouds and wipe away his pain as i did when i knelt before him and...
i'm going to have to do that again and again and again and they'll all be different but they'll all be him somehow unless i say goodbye or farewell or whatever the fuck i'm supposed to say! what do i say??? what do i say. i can listen to his voice, but i cannot speak to him. three albums.you made it Sean. "So you want us dead, you want us gone? It's easier said than done." would he laugh at the irony? probably. what do i say? am i really supposed to say goodbye? until we meet again? what the bloody fuck do i say!?!
i'm going to have to do that again and again and again and they'll all be different but they'll all be him somehow unless i say goodbye or farewell or whatever the fuck i'm supposed to say! what do i say??? what do i say. i can listen to his voice, but i cannot speak to him. three albums.you made it Sean. "So you want us dead, you want us gone? It's easier said than done." would he laugh at the irony? probably. what do i say? am i really supposed to say goodbye? until we meet again? what the bloody fuck do i say!?!
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--hugs--
(try to figure out how the "or else" is meant. Am i saying it like "Or else i will do something to make you happy" or am i saying it like "Or else im gonna go out and eat a kitten" Did i just blow your mind?)