ohman.
ohman.
ohman.

it has been like, six months since I have been on this site and life has pretty much taken a complete 180 change. I mean, I am still me- I still write (I was published a few times this year! Hooray!) , read too much, knit like an old person and probably say fuck too much. I am still the crazy-zenbuddhist-philosophicalanarchist-cynical Bree.

but now I am me...with a little zenbaby inside of me.

crazy, huh?

It really wasn't planned...at all. I never wanted children. The person I was with, and the father of my child, pretty much bounced when he found out. It is a scary, weird place to be: Single, pregnant and kind of lost. But, after much consideration (I definitely considered abortion and adoption as options) I decided to keep my little monster. It is hard sometimes, and fairly terrifying but I have an amazing group of friends who support me like crazy. And I am strong. A lot stronger than I've ever believed. Scary? Hell yes. But that is life. Everything in life can be scary.

I'm not sure where this puts me with anything. There are loads of questions that I don't know how to answer. There is this part of me- admittedly a weak part- that shows up sometimes and screams that I've probably fucked up everything in my life. I'll never find someone. I'll never be able to support myself and my child in the artistic ways I want. Blahblahblah. But, I have learned to punch those thoughts in the face because they don't help anything.

It's a journey. It is life. I think I am just going to rock it.